Eulogy

Taken before her time. I dislike those four words. What is our time?

Taken before her time. I dislike those four words. What is our time? Who decides when our time is? Is it God? No, He only knows when the time comes. He has given us free will to live our lives as we see fit. We are given the choice. We make choices every day can that determine when our time is up: how we live, what we eat, where we live, even how we drive our car. This is our life, given to us by God. What do we do with it?

What is life? Is it a process which starts at conception and gradually ends in death? We begin our lives so small and helpless. We depend on others for our very existence. Our early years are not much different. Although we strive towards independence, we still rely on others. Do you think adulthood is the final step we take to achieve our self-sustenance? Even as adults we lean on others for emotional as well as mental, financial, and moral support. We spend our lives longing for the peace and tranquility that we are promised is our final reward for a life spent reaching for God. We want to be free of the struggle of daily life: working for every thing we need, dealing with others, coping with the ills of society and the world around us. It is only through death that we finally gain what we have groped for all of our lives. We are at last free of the bonds that tie us to this life.

My biggest fear of death is not dying. It is the knowledge that I may never see my children grown. I may never know the grandchildren that will follow. I will leave behind things left unsaid, deeds left undone.

When Mom passed, my first thought was anger towards her. Then it was loss. Not for her, but for the things I would miss out on. I was actually jealous. She was going someplace I could not follow. She would get to see and do things I can only vaguely imagine, go places that I can only see through words that do not even begin to describe heaven. Who wouldn’t be jealous.

Death is a very selfish thing. We think not about the person who has entered a new phase of existence, but about what we will miss. That person hopefully has gone to a better place. We are still left with the daily struggles.


©2005 rous
June 23, 2005





Written for my sister's memorial service. She was murdered in 1995. Her killer is sitting on death row for the murder of a woman and her two pre-school-age daughters. If he had been caught for my sister's murder, the mother and daughters would not have been his victims.