My Feelings Toward You.....

just my life. come on it if you like.

Most people are asked, “Who are you?” So how many people have an answer to that? I know most people just say what others classifiy them as. What if someone doesn’t what to be classified as that? I know I sure don’t want to be. So what do I say? I really don’t know. So I’ll say this:
    My name is Kystal Gonzalez. My nickname is Gonzo. My personality is a little bit of everything. When I’m really sad I see somewhat morbid. Like I don’t care to live any more. Why should I? No one notices me. I know you don’t know this, but I have the symptoms for suicide. Crazy huh? You wouldn’t expect that from me now would you? Especially when I’m really happy. Don’t let my mask fool you. I often feel like that most of my life. You see, my family has high expectations for me! I’m supposed to learn, wait better; I’m supposed to KNOW my Tlingit language. I failed them there. I’m supposed to be like my sister. Perfect in every way. You know do the house work with being told, take care of the animals, look after grandmother at all times, get the best grades, and best of all……I’m suppose to learn how to cook! Yeah, I’ll do that when wait let me think. Oh I know I’ll do that when you really want it. Damn you wait that now don’t you? Well I guess your s.o.l or in other words Shit Out of Luck. I have a news flash for you. I am not Vanessa. I am not perfect. Don’t you see? I was the spoiled one. And you’re the one that made me this way. I got everything my heart desired. And you expect to get it all back. Guess what I’m doing the best I can. Vanessa started all this shit at five. I’m starting this shit at 13. Well I guess I’m supposed to be getting better and I am. I’m just sorry that you expected so much from such a little person.  
    When I’m happy please don’t ruin it. It’s just an emotion, but that’s the emotion I really need at the moment. It’s the emotion that makes my life worth living and not dieing.
This is still improving! had to get off my chest!