Why...?

Thoughts on why I had to be stuck with a mother who treats her daughter so unfairly...

So it seems that my life is now drawing to an end
There's no one here for me, I've nowhere to go
I've nothing to do with my life except sit and rot
She broke the last line between my control and anger
She broke everything apart and now I'm left with nothing
Nothing but a hopeless soul who only wants to be freed
And yet I'm still too afraid to go through with it
And yet I still go on when there's absolutely no point
I have nowhere to go in this life and no money to help
I have no caring family to comfort me or take me in
While my mother is being unfair and senseless
I can't burden myself on friends and other people
And yet I can't bear to stay here for another minute
Why couldn't I have been born to someone else?
Why couldn't I have had a mother more open-minded?
Why couldn't I have someone who would support me
No matter what choices I made and what I did with my life?
Why couldn't I have had someone to love me for who I am?
Why did I have to be born to someone who can only see
What she wants to see and can only concentrate on what she wants?
Why couldn't I have had a mother who was nurturing?
I would've given anything to just feel loved
To feel like I could be myself and share things without being judged
That I didn't have to lie to protect everything dear to me
Why did I have to be born to only have pain and misery in my life?
I would've rathered been aborted than to have ever gone through this shit
I would've rathered I had been put up for adoption than have a mother
Who doesn't want to even try to understand her own daughter
Who doesn't respect my privacy, my feelings, my space and needs
I would've rathered if she had never even had me
I would've rathered a mother that was willing to love me no matter what
I would've rathered someone a little more like my dearest AP mom...
She is the only mom who has ever made me feel like I could tell her anything and everything no matter what...No threats, no orders...
Not like my real 'mom'...Tory has a heart of gold and is the kind of
Mother I have always wanted in my life...
I only wish I could have been so lucky to be the daughter or someone
So beautiful in so many ways...I envy her own children so much...I ended up leaving my home last night because of my mother arguing with me, making me snap and then telling me to turn off the computer just when I really needed someone to talk to after it was over with. I left her and slept at a friend's house. I'm back now and nothing has changed. My own mother doesn't give a damn about me. If she did, this wouldn't have happened.

I could only dream of having a mother like Tory (Princess Muse)...She actually respects her children and what they do with their lives with an open heart and an open mind. My mother can't even do that much...