From Religion to Faith

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Anyone on this site who has read my spiritual poetry might assume I've always been a Christian, that I grew up in the church. Far from the truth. Sure, I went to church some when I was very young, but I remember nothing about what was taught there, just that musty old church smell and the "curly slide" out back. After my parents got back together when I was about six, we stopped going.

I won't tell you much about my childhood, just that there are things that happened to me I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, not even Satan himself. Let's just say, if God ever blesses me with a husband, it will be such a relief to finally have a positive sexual experience.

Just before my teen years, I was invited to church by one of my dad's old friends. He had a daughter my age. It was a Charismatic type church, and a little scary, but the people were nice enough. told me if I wanted to go to Heaven, all I had to do was say a prayer after them. So I did, and started going there often.

A few years after that, when I started high school, I started seeing the guy who had been my best friend since middle school. I started going to his church on Wednesdays. Being a Baptist church, it was very different, and I liked it and started going all the time.

After I broke up with him, I gradually faded out of the church thing. I discovered Wicca, which teaches anything goes, as long as no one is hurt. I liked the sound of that. It gave me permission to practice witchcraft (the Charismatic church made me throw away a crystal I'd bought), cuss when I was angry, date both men and women, and engage in many other things I don't wish to get into. To put it bluntly, I was knee deep in moral filth.

During the course of all this, I went back to that Baptist church a few times, to see an attractive guy I knew, on a visit from college. One such time, he didn't show up, but another extremely attractive guy did. I went back the next week just to see him. We went out for a week, but he realized he was messing up his relationship with God and broke up with me. Still, I kept going. I really don't know why. I just assume God kept me there for what was going to happen next.

The last Wednesday of Christmas break my senior year, the church showed Left Behind the movie. There were two lines that struck me to the core. I'll go over them one at a time.

Hattie: Are you telling me that what we feel is wrong?
Ray: It's not about us. It's about something bigger and something better!

Ray had been having an affair with Hattie, the flight attendant on the plane he piloted. He got left behind and then found the truth. He told Hattie he'd been wrong. I was wrong too. I felt things about other women, but Ray is right: it's not about me. It's about the God who created me, loves me and died the most horrible death for me.

Ray: I can't, I won't live without faith anymore, I won't!
Chloe: Why? Because God will send you to hell? That's a nice God. You get hell on earth then hell after.
Ray: It's not about hell, either. We were given a gift, Chloe, and we blew it! It's not His fault!

I didn't believe in hell at the time. A loving God wouldn't send people to hell, right? Well...that's just it. He offers a way out: faith in Jesus. I hadn't wanted to take that road, though. Faith, TRUE faith, would require me to give up everything that had been precious to me. If I believed Jesus to be who He said He was, I would have to give up my whole life.

Then I realized something. I'd been breaking my own philosophy. I had hurt and was hurting the one Person who cared most for me: Jesus. He died the worst death possible to make the way for me, and I hadn't cared an ounce.

At first, I wanted out of that church. I wanted to run. I mean, what would you do if your whole world was crumbling around you? Oh, but you can't run from God! I could hear Him calling out to me, telling me I still had a chance to be with Him, asking me to take His hand. I did.

Just then, a friend of mine noticed me crying. I told her everything about how I felt and she prayed with me. It was the best day of my life.

I can't say things have been easy for me since then. I lost most of my so-called friends after that, but I made new ones. I have learned to be content in all situations, and I've learned to trust God to be in control of my life. I know now that He knows what He's doing.

I leave you with one of the first lines in the Left Behind movie.

"What does it matter what we think we know? In the end, there's no denying the truth."

Don't assume you know the truth; look for it. If you look for it with all you are, you'll find it. Or should I say, He'll find you.This is the story of how I came to have faith in Jesus Christ. You might not like what I have to say. You might even be offended by it. That's fine, you have that freedom. Don't use that as an excuse to make any rude or hateful comments. I'll just delete them.