I have OCD. While some of my rituals aren't full blown they can get that way if I am under stress. It doesn't help that I don't like to try new things.
When I go to a restaurant I generally eat the same things. ( I recently broke the habit of bringing my own silverware to the restaurant with me.)
I wash my hands and use anti bacterial hand sanitizer like it's going out of style...when it was really bad I would spends 30-40 bucks on hand sanitizer alone. Not to mention the cost of hand lotion for my chapped and raw hands.
I despise certain words because they make me uncomfortable and make me feel the need to wash...I couldn't say them for the longest time so I would use other words in place of them...those words would be...'smelly' 'stinky' 'stink' and 'moist'. I also have a general hatred for the names ' Bertha and Betty ' they remind me of fat disgusting people that live in complete disarray. Mind you I have no problem with 'fat' people...just ones that smell and are complete slobs.
I am also very sensitive to smells, smells like garbage, feces, urine, sweat and the smell of dogs and cats make me feel very very dirty. I used to wear vix vapor rub underneath my nose when I would be subjected to those smells.
I am a counter. I am constantly counting things, but the counts don't make sense in my head. I know that 50 is an even number, but I won't touch it usually count to 40 over and over in my head. But I usually do things in two's.
I buy most of my groceries in two.
I hoard food and sweets...
My mind runs into very dark places. I am constantly thinking about what the worst could happen. I do not pray instead I will call the person who I am freaking out about until they can calm me from my OCDish trigger. Usually it's a person I hold in high regard. It's never usually a family member. I write intensely dark poetry, that's usually about death and poetic funerals...and I think about my own suicide often. My one main fear is that I will die a horrible death, so I will die at my own hand, when I am sixty five. But I know that sixty five does not line up in my counting...but the number sixty five will not go away.
I will also not go into a town if it looks dirty. Don't ask me what it means, but there are several towns in my area that I hate to drive through because it makes me want to wash oh so badly.
Does this present a problem in my M/s status? it can, oh yes it definitely can, but only if my Owner will it allow it. I might be in complete in total 'freak out ' stage but it's important for me to conquer this.
I am going to therapy for my intensely irrational fears and thoughts...so they do not completely ruin my life.
...man...I guess I am nuts. :-(
I am in a M/s relationship...and I have OCD.
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