i didn't expect to feel this b attered

we had sex ed today. the entire 10th had it i guess. we learned about date rape and sexual abuse in groups of five. we had to read these articles then share. i got the sexual abuse article, and i tried to trade with my friend, cuz i knew it's b ad for me to read it, and i didn't need to be emotional and screwed up since i had four classes left.

but the guy i really really like, whose a really close friend was in my group and sittign with me cuz we turn to each other if we have to have partners just without talking, had the same article. he was like just read it.

i did, i was so tense, so on the verge of tears. so on the verge of falling apart- it was bad. really really bad. normally i hold it in, but i was just struggling. i was with good ppl though in my group so i didn't have to talk in depth about it cuz they kept making me laugh or trying to- so that was easier. even though they don't know why.
just too many memories/things i didn't want to think about it.

and then there was this discussion thing. and i'm very oppinionated and normally i talk a lot, and am not shy about my oppinions. i just had nothing to say, i knew i i'd get worke dup and i knew anything i said would end with me really really upset.

my friend was like 'wow, i've never known you not to talk about something. '
i was like i have nothing to say. another girl i know who has had similar experiences, didn't talk either. it was just painful.


and the only person at my school who knows, one of two. the second is sick, and wasn't at school. i tried to find her today cause i was just upset- but couldn't. and texted her an hour ago, and tried to talk about it. and she shut me down.

three months ago she told me she'd talk to me about it if i needed to, and now she was like 'i don't feel comfortable talking about it'.

i was like, i'm crying. and really upset.

she was like 'lets talk about something else, who do you like?'