read, and message me, or something, please? :(

it hurts, but it's been months since it mattered this much. i was doing so good at letting go, and moving on- but w hen someone's that much a part of who you are for that long, i guess they can mean the words hope. i guess nothing simple. and i hate that.

it just hurts. so fucking much. i try not to think about it, about there being hope- because it took so much just to get to saying the words 'not in my life' without tears, and dying inside. and the things i feel like shit for even being upset over this, theres' so many people i love and care about hurting for so many other things, who deserve listening and good things so much more.

i feel guilty, and lucky because the person who ripped me apart, and left me basically completely behind because she stopped caring what happened to me made a choice. it's all about choices for me. and until i completely let go, i don't know if it will ever not be.

but so many people are hurting worse, and for things they got no choice in .things that in certain aspects will never be fixable, people so much more beautiful, and amazing.


see, as much as my writing talks about how sometimes i hurt other people cause being close is too damn scary, that's the people physically in my life, mostly my family members or the people who hurt, recently mostly because of what' i've said or not done. but the people who i have to watch hurt, or talk to, or write to and know ache- if I could make it less hard ,and less painful, i would in a heartbeat.

and yea, some of them are here on AP who i mean. if i could stop it from hurting and make those things right and give you good things, i would. i'd make you stop hurting, and talk to whoever's up there so you don't have to go through all this. i feel so guilty to complain, because if i could deal with my stuff forever, so you don't have to hurt, it'd be worth it.

i'll survive my issues, and it may suck, but i probalby won't kill me. which could be good or bad depending where you or I stand at the time. but i don't like watching people i care about hurt. or reading people's writing so full of ache, because to write like that i know those people had to have been through crazy stuff, and must hurt so bad.

but i'm just so needing to vent right now. if someone wants to message me that's great. because i need advice , listening, and someone to hear me out.

please?: