10 - i'm tired; emotionally and physically.
9 - i'm happy; but i know that could change instantly if i think about him too much.
8 - i'm indecisive; i don't know what to think, feel, or want anymore.
7 - i'm bored; i want my license. i want a job. i want something to do with my time.
6 - i'm confused; and it's for all the wrong reasons.
5 - i want to cry; but for some reason, i just can't.
4 - i'm mad at myself; for hanging on to something unattainable for sooo long.
3 - i'm anxious; because he will hear the truth from my lips, whether i want it to be said and vise versa. i'm not doing this anymore.
2 - i'm fed up; i'm there for him under any condition, yet i'm thrown around like a ragdoll because i don't have enough of a backbone at the moment to tell him how it is.
1 - i'm sorry. and i don't want to be sorry for how i feel anymore.
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I think we've only talked, like, once, lol. But either way, I felt compelled to click. Please don't think I'm a total creeper, I just know the feeling of thinking no one will care too : P And apparently, a lot of people do care. And that's a good thing; treasure that.
Don't apologize for how you feel; you can be sorry for its repercussions, but never regret emotion. Emotion makes you human, emotion makes you alive, and even if it sucks, you need some bad times to make you appreciate the good. And I totally should take my own advice there, but I'm learning too. It's a work in progress.
I can relate so much to not knowing what I want, or anything anymore. It's kind of a scary feeling, isn't it? not having a plan, or anything. But things will work out, they always do one way or another, even if it's no what we expect.
Don't let him use, abuse, or destroy you. You're an amazing writer, and seem like a good person. And even if that weren't so, no one deserves to be treated like trash in return for a good deed. He isn't worth the time of day, and he just might need a dig with a high heel to be reminded of that.
One day, you'll cry. And it'll be amazingly cleansing, but sometimes it takes figuring out something else to finally be able to let the tears go. Don't get upset because you can't cry. Just hold your head high and keep living your life. Happiness is precarious, but if you want it, you can hold on to it. Just don't let what makes you unhappy, get to you. :]
Good luck with whatever you're going through. I don't know how welcome any of that babble was... I just needed to say it. -
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wow, thank you sososooo muchhh. seriously, that means a lot. everyone's comments on here are really making things so much clearer, and you seriously hit the nail on the head with everything. you're right; not to regret emotion, because it does make you human. and yes, i am still learning, and i think i will be for the rest of my life. i don't think i'll ever really have everything figured out.
again, thank you so much.
you seem like an amazing person♥
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The interesting thing about this journal is the title - re-read the title and then look at the comments you've recieved on it and the advice people are sharing with you
5 - i want to cry; but for some reason, i just can't.
4 - i'm mad at myself; for hanging on to something unattainable for sooo long.
5 - one day you will cry and it's healthy to cry. I never cry about mine and I also can't explain why not.
4 - there's no point in being mad at yourself, we all do daft stuff and get into silly situations, he's just as responsible for the situation as you are. And if he's hurting you so much, he's not worth it.
Keep your chin up, things get better and once in a while when you feel shaken and confused, just remember the reasons why you can say you are happy.
Message me if you ever need to talk
XXXXX -
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=) thank youuuu, love<333 seriously, it means A LOT.
you're awesome♥
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Let big brother step in here for a second. First off, there is no excusable reason for you to be someone's ragdoll. That isn't love and not only shouldn't you stand for it, but he shouldn't be acting in such a manner (if he really does love you or even just care about you).
You are still young and that means you still have plenty of time to find someone who treats you right and loves you for all the right reasons. I know that may not be something you want to hear right now, but it's the truth.
And I don't have my license either, yet. And I'm almost 22, so I feel your pain there.
I'll be praying for you, regardless of if you believe that works or not. I'll be praying that everything works out for you and you can have a clear idea as to what to do next.
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thank you so much .< i appreciate the praying, i do so every night myself. (: it means a lot.
thank you again♥
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Do what you have to do.
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thanks love<3 (:
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It may take quite some time, but this will pass. As cliche as that sounds, I know it's true. For as weak as you feel, I also know enough about you from your poetry and conversations we've had to say that you are definitely resilient and relentless. Yes, perhaps, it seems to bite you in the ass sometimes, but as far as academically and poetically, you wouldn't be where you are today had it not been for those 2 traits.
Seek your strengths and positive attributes in this seemingly endless process, because you know what I'm about to say is true. You may feel like a puppet on a string, but one day, someone is going to be lucky to have the privilege to be with someone so blunt and sophisticated. Perhaps these compliments may seem like hollow farcries in present times, but if you are willing to fight, you'll be surprised just how much life can change in the blink of an eye.
As far as the license subject, yeah, I want mine too, but they won't let me have one. They say it's because I'm blind. It's discrimination I say. Lol.
No, but seriously, take some advice from experience. Enjoy your teenage years as much as you can because it really is true what the elders say, "You'll look back on your youth one day and wish you had appreciated the time."
As far as the relationship, I've been in a similar situation before. When you care about someone that much, (even if they hate your guts), you will one day get over them. Yeah, I still think about my ex Sarah from time to time, but I guess that's life. It's unfortunate when harsh cards are dealt, but you eventually see the person as a life experience that taught you how to grow emotionally. In other words, gain your successes and make him wish he'd appreciated you when he had the chance to.
Sincerely,
The Rainbow's Mind.
Oh, and if there are any spelling errors, my apologies, I'm kind of in a rush. -
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thank you thank you thank you. seriously, you put a smile on my face. =] i'm truly happy, but in ways, things could definitely be improved. and i'm afraid of falling apart. but what you wrote there really gave me a boost of hope and what not, as cheesy as that sounds. you're an amazing person, and far too kind.
thank you again<3 -
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No problem dear, I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it. I am very straight forward and I'm always willing to extend an open honest hand to those who deserve it.
I was glancing over the other comments, and they reaffirm what I'm about to say.
If you take away anything from the comments you've read tonight, I think it should be this.
No matter the dilemma or conflict, the seemingly endless pain and sorrow, there are always kind hearted individuals willing to extend a hand. All you have to do is reach out and take it.
In this circle of individuals and in the circle of life, all of us have weathered these harsh trials respectively.
I now know what it's like to have an outstretched hand and an open heart offer true love, so I impart this gift unto you. A love that ii more pure and sentimental. A love not siply shared by 2, but by many. A love that holds hands with fingers entwined with unity.
Remember this in your journey of life, and you will overcome anything that comes your way.
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Ouch
Even just getting to number 9 I could tell most of what's going on. Take this however you want, as I'm still just a random guy on the internet, but you don't need anyone that's going to be anything less than what you want, just more. You can sit around and wait for them to change, but my friend you'll be sitting until your blood boils. If you think there's no one else that could look that way or smile that way, or love you that way then you're happily mistaken. There's people all over the world with hearts as big as your own, that understand your pain, and live just to make sure the ones they hold dear never have to feel it. Another point, if you set aside too much of yourself for someone else, there's not going to be much left for you to try and be happy with. Just trying to offer some helpful advice, as I've been lead role in one of the worst one-sided love stories this century has known.
If that helps you I'm very glad. Feel free to message me if you need any advice.
~Nik -
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thank you<3
seriously, i think that's exactly what i needed to hear. i know i can do better, and i don't mean to sound so conceited about it, but i'm just caught up in a game of cat and mouse where it's totally irrelevant. and ughhh im sorry to hear that. sounds pretty heartwrenching. =/
but seriously, thank you.
i might take you up on that. (: <3
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if you can't
tell him like it is....it isn't! Think about that! the longer it goes on in the wrong direction, the harder it will be to get it corrected and it won't be easy if possible at all! nip it in the bud and find mr. right, not mr. right now! -
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wow, thank you sooo much. you're completely right. it isn't. it never was. and it never will be. you opened my eyes, even if just a little, and a little helps<3
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