I just don't know.

I just don't know.

I feel unfulfilled, lonely, and I really don't know why. I end up questioning myself about myself. Things that I have been sure of forever, were sure of just the day before, I'm not sure of now. I'm frustrated and angry because of this. I'm tired of the melancholy, the frustration, the repetitiveness, the unfairness. I'm avoiding a change that I'm ready for. I do and don't want to take the next step down the path. I find myself sighing ever more frequently. I love reading, stories, plot, the things that they can inspire, or make you feel. That is why I'm going to college for English/creative writing. My initial plan was/is to become a professor at a local community college or university until I can publish a book or become a true author. But I might end up spending the rest of my life working there, and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that idea. There are so many things that I want to learn/do/pursue and in mind any one of those things being left undone would seem an injustice, but I can't pursue them all. It is the same feeling as when you become entangled in a certain thing for a large part of your life and end up having to stop whatever it is. You are left with a almost feirce longing that you will never be able to fill. I don't my life to become an endless line of joining things just to keep from feeling this. I just don't know. I hate indecision....*sigh*...