She Had No Self, and Thus Loved No Self

But if she didn’t love herself, then how could another? He was slowly slipping away. All because she had no self. And thus, loved no self.

She loved him with everything she had. She put everything she could into their relationship. Nothing else mattered but him. He became everything. She didn’t know it was a bad thing. Then one day, she realized, she lost herself in him. She had no personal identity. She wasn’t herself anymore. She was his girlfriend. Nothing else seemed important. Nothing else was important. On that same day, she realized that she was asking him to do the same. She was asking him to give up everything and make her the only thing. But how fair is that? And he wouldn’t. He had his own identity. He had his own person. Yes, he loved her. But he loved himself too. Something she had forgotten to do. She realized that she hadn’t loved herself for a while. After all that she went through. After all the mistakes she made. She felt like she deserved all the horrible things that happened. She didn’t deserve to be happy. And thus, she wasn’t. But if she didn’t love herself, then how could another? He was slowly slipping away. All because she had no self. And thus, loved no self. With the lack of love, she constantly feared that he’d find new. That he’d meet someone better. But this is not true. He did want time to himself, but that did not mean that he didn’t love her still. He did. How could he not? This she has to realize.

It was the worst day of her life. They day she realized all this. First, it was horrible because her insecurities took over. She thought that he no longer loved her. That he no longer wished to be around her. These were the words he spoke. But that was not the case. He simply just wanted time for himself. Everybody needs time for themselves. Once she realized this, the day became worse. She learned that she had no self. She had begun to live solely for him. She had put everything into the relationship, not knowing it was a bad thing. And really, it’s not, as long as there is a self as well. But she had no self. No personal identity. And now, she’s left trying to find it. But it’s so hard to change when you’ve been a certain way your whole life. And all her life, she’s had the guys throw everything into her. She always kept her identity while they got lost in her. But he was so much different and now she’s on the other side. And it’s not healthy.

She needs a self. She needs to love herself. She needs to realize that just because he wants time for himself, just because he wants to be with his friends, just because he wants to play his video games, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. It just means he needs time for himself. She needs to do the same. She needs to figure out who she is. What she wants. She needs to love herself. But how can she? It’s so hard. She’s never been secure with herself. She never got all the compliments growing up. She was never in the popular crowd. But there were others like that too. But they loved themselves. How could she learn to love herself? She needs help. But where can she go? She’s put herself completely into this relationship. And it’s so hard to find her outside of it. For the last 7 and ½ months, she’s put everything into their relationship. And while she was away, she had a self, because she had to. He wasn’t around to be with all the time. But now that she’s home and knows he’s so close, she wants to be with him all the time. Knowing that she has to go away again at the end of the summer, she wants as much time with him as possible. She wanted it so much, and wanted him to want it to, that she forgot about herself. She only wanted to be with him and has done nothing for herself this summer. She’s not made the effort to see friends. She’s not taken the time to enjoy her family. She’s not taken time for herself. She doesn’t want any of that, she just wants to be with him.

She realizes this is not the way to be. She needs to stop neglecting all the other people and stop neglecting herself. Yes, it is hard to balance everything, but it can be done. And she needs to love herself. If she can love herself, then a lot of her issues will go away. Her fear of him finding better will vanish. Her feeling of others not caring will disappear. And her thoughts of no one wanting to be with her will be vanquished. For she has realized that she is amazing.

She is smart. She is funny. She is cute. She is talented. She is sexy. She is sporty. She is this absolutely amazing person who deserves the best. There is no one else out there like her. She is incredible.

She is a poet. She is a writer. She is a scientist. She is a best friend. She is a great daughter. She is a loving girlfriend. She is a cool sister.

She is this unique girl that he cannot possibly live without. It does not mean they have to be together all the time. But he will never find another girl who can kick his ass in Soul Calibur. She is amazing. He loves her for who she is, and she is pretty fucking awesome!