wrote my parents the following e-mail because everytime I'd try to talk to them about it, they'd shut me down, stop listening, so I figured they had no choice but to read it if I sent it their way; mom said she found in defensive...not quite belligerent - see what you think:
"Going against the grain? I think not.
The call to a celibate, single vocation and choosing to take care of your parents before marriage is my call, like it or not.
Marriage is on the back burner. Probably for a very good reason -1. I feel driven, a need to help you both...a calling; 2. also, I DON'T want kids. I cannot reconcile myself with that fact. If I marry late in life, probably for the better. I pray to God every day and this is the answer I get of what He wants of me, to take care of you.
For better reference, and to see I'm not the only one:
http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/column.php?n=145
Hard for you to grasp, because your generation wasn't ever raised this way - it was always the parents taking care of the kids. Well, times change. And we are still a family. I'll go about it in my everyday life, day to day, without talking about it if you don't believe this calling I have. Tough, I'm going to do it anyway. God is my reason for rising in the morning; you are my reason to keep going everyday. Yes, I want to be independent later with a career job, probably a paralegal, but later. End of story."
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Jennifer,
I am not old but I have 5 kids and 2 grandkids. Nothing I want more out of life than to see my kids find happiness, success and a good life. I want them to have careers they love, children and a home. I want them to carry on the legacy and help others. I want to have grandkids that remember me as a good man. My own father wants the same things for me and my siblings. For this reason he doesnt want us worrying about him to much.
I agree with Freed By Mercy's comments for the most part. It will be hard for your parents as they get older to know you havent figured out life for yourself yet. Find a balance between caring for them and finding a life, career and home of your own. As far as not wanting children.......... at your age I wasn't thrilled with the idea either but now I wished I had a dozen and not just 5. God can change a heart.
I suggest you quit focusing on what you think you don't want cause God can change all that in a heartbeat.
Consider the following verses:
<< Psalm 127 >>
New American Standard Bible ©
Prosperity Comes from the LORD.
A Song of Ascents, of Solomon.
1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the LORD guards the city,
The watchman keeps awake in vain.
2 It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.
3 Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
5 How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate.
Children are equated as arrows in the hands of a parent. You shape and mold them and in the hands of Godly parents they become mighty weapons against evil in this world.
You are a good lady Jennifer and you could mold Godly children to change this world............ consider that. -
How old are your parents? It may be 30 years before you're on your own.
That's a heavy statement for your parents to accept. Healthy parents want their kids to have a life - To find their passion, go for it, find their independence, find a soul mate. That's what I want for my son. I also want grandchildren, but I will not lay that on you. He's my only hope for that.
Sure, they'd like your assistance and company in their old age. But they may not need it for long. Or, they may refuse the kind of help you're able to give them. That's what has happened between myself and my father.
What about your other siblings and your parents? What do they foresee for the old age? There are lots of options out there: retirement communities, assisted living facilities which give older people a chance to develop new friendships as they age.
What if your parents and siblings want to sell the family home and choose to live in a senior development, condo, or smaller residence. Where does that leave you? Or their feelings of guilt about selling the house? Several family members live with my father now. I wish I could say that the situation is a good one. I cannot.
So I would not lay that "I'm devoting myself to your care for the rest of my life" trip on them. It's too heavy a burden for them. -
You sound like an awesome person!
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