Years of Difference

A short blurb for anyone out there that still cares ... like a journal of the past few years.

I was just reading some of my older comments (mainly on pieces under my other column that features some of my favourite poems that I never got around to finishing) and realized how many good poets there are here that I really miss.

I used to write 1-10 pieces a day. Now, I'm lucky if I get a piece a month. I think a lot of my older pieces drew from the lifestyle I was living, the people in my life, and the depression I was going through.

So back in 2007, which I believe was my "peak" year at Allpoetry, I went through a few bad relationships, one in particular in the summer that really fucked me up. I wrote a lot of sad and/or angry poetry and I hated where I was, I hated who I was ... but looking bad, I loved who I was here in how I commented, how I made friends, and most of all, how I felt stronger even after writing a really depressing piece with all the special comments I received. I wrote some LONG ASS comments I noticed.

In the summer of 2007 I had the best friend anyone could have, Hellen aka H., and it's hard for us to talk these days with our jobs/lives but we still keep in touch. Everyone else, I sort of lost touch with ... I feel ashamed. I was living with my dad, my sister, and my brother along with our two dogs, Miki the beagle and Gizmo the yorkshire terrier.

Now...

I still live in the same house but my dad and sister have moved out. My boyfriend has moved in, we are signing for a house in a week. Miki passed away in November of 2007 of cancer and Gizmo moved out with my sister in September 2008. In September 2007 I bought my first puppy. Before the dogs I had were always family pets but I wanted, no, needed one of my very own ... so I went out and got a tiny little black labrador retriever who I named Hades Reznor Brown. That tiny little black labrador grew to be 98lbs (April 2009 weight). Hades was and always will be referred to as my saviour. He saved my soul.

Taking care of a puppy is like a small step into parenthood, at least some agree. I had many sleepless nights ... he cried a lot. His cage was in my room so when he cried and barked I could NOT sleep and was pretty frustrated for a while but I woke up one day after a full night of sleep and looked over ... he was already house trained, sleeping through the night, and nearly half of his adult size. Then I knew ... this is what life is about.

Growing up. You can't be stuck in a dry spell forever and if you think you are, you won't be. And for those of you who think you'll never get out ... find something that will get you out and make the change. I did. Getting Hades made me happy, happier than I ever was and soon, the thoughts of hurt I had just washed away.

The death of the family beagle was a little hard but Hades made it better. She passed away on our living room floor while my dad was on business (perfect timing...), my sister found her. She called up to me in fear, I ran down and broke down crying. Hades came running down and I was just about to grab him for fear he wouldn't know but he stopped himself and sat down ... he knew. If people don't think anything of dogs but "they're animals" ... they are wrong. They are family, they are friends, they are smarter than we'll ever be as they know everlasting love and they know more than we give them credit for, which makes us the fool. But not me, because I know.

So I spent most of 2008 growing up with my puppy. He was 80lbs by 8 months! In February 2008 I decided to do something about my photography obsession and bought a DSLR - the Nikon D80 and trust me, it was worth the money and I LOVE IT!!!

I went through another bad relationship in '08 but I had Hades and I had a friend at work named Adam who I went over all the shit with. He was a great listener, he still is.

A side note, my dad and sister moved out in September.

When I was with this asshole I was telling him how I wanted another dog. He didn't even like dogs (how I was with him in the first place is BEYOND me) and he kept telling me it wasn't a good idea and blah blah blah. So when I broke up with him in September I went straight out to find myself a breeder. I knew what I wanted.

So in September 2008 I found a breeder close to here who had yellow labrador retrievers. There were only three males left. One was a whiner so I immediately disqualified him. Then I had two identical ones on my lap and waited to see who would stay the longest ... alas, I found my puppy.

I brought him home October 11, 2008 and named him Ares Vedder Brown. I named my dogs (middle names) after two of my favourite musicians - Trent Reznor (NIN) and Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam).

I took a week off work to be with Ares. He was a chubby little thing that was a piece of cake in comparison to Hades. But I had learned so much in one year about raising puppies. Ares grew at a normal pace. Adam and I started hanging out outside of work and in a few weeks we were dating. Strange how that happens. He moved in at the end of November.

Ares weighed in at 70lbs in April 2009, just an FYI.

I took a vacation finally in the middle of April - the Caribbean. It was a blast on the cruise ship, great food and all but I got a little burnt.

Adam and I started talking about moving out together and started looking at houses.

So you'd think my life is complete but ...

At the end of April Adam's parents (who are in England, remember I'm in Canada) couldn't keep their 9 year old dog anymore so they actually shipped her over to us. So we got our THIRD dog, a golden retriever named Becca that Adam grew up with when his parents did live here.

Adam and I found our house. We are signing the papers next week. It is a new house, to be built, and has everything we want.

SO.

For those of you who wonder what the hell I'm doing or what happened to me (even though I make sneaky appearances) I am really happy with where my life is now. I know back in 2007 I was crying my eyes out and a lot of my readers responded with "it'll get better" and I never believed it. But I thank each and every one of you who stayed by me through those bad times. I probably couldn't have done it without the support I received here.

For photos of my dogs...

Hades Reznor Brown born August 7, 2007:

puppy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/laurasphotography/1810525228/in/set-72157602748527761/
now: http://www.flickr.com/photos/laurasphotography/3513855297/in/set-72157617526910493/

Ares Vedder Brown born August 15, 2008:

puppy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/laurasphotography/2942372174/in/set-72157607960565111/
now: http://www.flickr.com/photos/laurasphotography/3495857962/in/set-72157617526910493/

Becca:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/laurasphotography/3514588049/in/set-72157617526910493/

Let me know what you're up to, I'd love to hear.