Letter to the edit.

Editing a letter I wrote to my parents.

Dearest familia,

I know you both disagree with my desire to go to California, but I would be grateful if you listened and thought out the things I have to say in this letter, please? I know both of you have had pretty messed up experiences with California and with going to meet people you met online. I get that, I've been taken advantage of by someone I trusted and broken by someone I thought cared for me too. I gained a lot of experience on the streets and I know what it feels like to get hurt, but I need you to let go of that for me, because I let that pain go for you. Please.

I want so badly for you to see what Lexi has done for me, I'm just scared to show you. I trust her and love her, and these feelings are not just coming from no-where. First it was infatuation, her pretty eyes and smile attracted me to her, but the things that have kept me with her far outweigh that. She has given me a second chance when I thought I had screwed things up beyond repair, she has dropped everything and sat down just to talk me to safety when I was hurting or in a dangerous situation that put my progress and sobriety at risk. She has been proud of me everyday, even when I myself thought that I had nothing and was doing nothing to be proud of. She's even kept me from doing such a selfish thing as running from here again, when I felt like I was only a burden on the family and you were all only pointing out my negatives. She told me to appreciate what I have and stick it out and work on it and appreciate that you have given me a second chance to prove myself. Even though you don't particularly like her or seem to want to get to know her, she stuck up for you. She helped me give you a second chance, and I feel like we've improved as a family a lot since then.

I love you so much, and I really appreciate things like family night, and I know everyone is proud of me. I am proud of everyone for stepping up and reaching out. Your love and support means so much to me. I hope you know that just because I want to go and spend time in California doesn’t mean I want to run away from you again. On the contrary, my relationship with you as my family is more important to me right now. You are my family; I only wish that you could accept someone who is now apart of who I am rather then being against the very idea of us being together. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want in life recently, to peruse my creative career more aggressively, to finish school and perhaps take a course in CNC called “New media,” to continue to develop and mend my relationship with you, and to have Lexi in my life as a friend, love, and amazing support.

I am so in love with her, everything she stands for. She's a good person and we've grown together. We've been keeping sober and working hard with what we have. I hope you can see that, and maybe find it in your heart to see that we deserve to be together. I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about her because every time I try I feel like I get shut down. This is important to me, it doesn’t have to be important to you but help would be nice… being away from her is a lot like Kelsey being away from Tyler. I can’t compare the length of the relationship to there’s, and I’m not trying to, but I consider my relationship with Lexi the most important love relationship I’ve had in my life and I want it to have a fighting chance. I'm really scared that things will fall through and nothing will go as planed and I need your help. I want you with me, as my family, rather then against me on this.

It would devastate me if I couldn't see her this summer. Our relationship is shaky from the distance and we have to put in a lot more work to keep it going then one would have to do if they were with a person locally. [explains the amount of time I commit to her.] We have lasted a half a year without yet meeting each other, and I know me and her want to stay together, but I can't honestly say for certain that I know what the future holds for us or what it will hold if things fall through this summer. We can't live on love letters forever.

Nothing would make me happier to have your help.

I pray that you don't punish my dreams for the misgivings of your past.

I hope you can trust that I have intuition enough to know that Lexi wouldn't hurt me or lead me into a situation that could, her parents are good parents with good intentions and they want to talk to you to ease you if you’ll let them, in a video conference.

Please, help me.

Yours truly- Raven