Gender Ambiguity

This column is about assorted playthings and ex-lovers; Dreams; Gender; Sexual identity (not to be confused with sexual orientation)

Female----X----------------------------Androgynous---------------------------------Male


(I)

My first was bluer than microsoft windows. Calloused guitarist's hands, eyelashes like stubble, suicide attempts like badges, shattered my window with restlessness. By the river in the grass, we used to make caverns with our bodies.


Female------------------------------X--Androgynous---------------------------------Male

(II)

For five out of the first nineteen years of my life, I have loved someone who doesn't deserve it. I always will.

I dreamed about his hallway once. It was brightly lit with high, high ceilings that had vents to let the rain in. Underneath the vents, sunflowers grew. Those flowers were oestrogen I gave up to him I am a chainsaw. I am a box cutter. You requiem a are am a virus I am the poison you suck out of ulcers on your cheeks. INto your oblivion. I still feel joined to him.

(III)

Bored and restless. Strawberries grow in dark damp crevices he pulled me into. He was a distraction and a set of limbs it was never my intention to tie knots in him.

(IV)

Oh GOD, don't let me damage him. FUCKER DAMAGED HIMSELF. He almost had be believeing that I did something wrong...

(V)

(Don't you just feel so broken hearted?)
My heart went out to him in my sleep. His chest is a graveyard for motivation. I'm so counter culture, I don't DRENCH the internet in my ego masturbation.

(But I do, really)