Tell me what pain you're experiencing. Tell me how this pain effects you. Also tell me if there's anything that I can do to help. Even if it's gonna take awhile.
Don't judge other people's stories because if their story isn't as fucked up, messed up, or whatever the case may be, as yours, it doesn't mean that their isn't just as important. Its pain and pain is important. It's what makes us tick, and in some cases, it's what keeps us alive. So share with me, ask me for help. Ask ME questions as much as you want. And I'll answer. This is a way for me to find a little more about you, and another way for me to offer my help.
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My story (there is one thing I cannot discuss in a public column)
How can anyone hurt a person?
Well, my name is Callie. My life has always been hard, and everyone that I come to love leaves my life.
When I was a little girl my mother and father fought. Then when I was 7 my mother moved. They divorced when i was ten. I was very emotional and at times I wanted to kill myself.... Well life went on and eventually we couldn't afford our house... so we moved to my dad's parents house... we still live there now... but now I'm in love and it's confusing me. I will talk to whoever else wants to know more.... just message me -
this looks like chatting more than a poem but theres all sorts
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That's because this isn't a poem, this is a column.
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I thought the least i could do was tell you my story since you've been so nice as to comment on my poems =)... thanks for that =)
My story is quite a long one so ill try to keep it brief so i dont confuse you...
I had a good childhood, maybe witnessed a few fights between my parents but overall it was good. However when i was about 8 the fights got worse... when i was 11 i lost the person i loved the most, my god mother, to schizophrenia.... i was upset but still ok.... until the age of 12. When i was 12, a couzin of mine started to sexually abuse me, constantly, over and over, for 4 years straight... i was too scared to ever try and stop it.... By the time i was 13 (only one year into the abuse), i became a total wreck... I developed and eating disorder at 13 and still struggle with it now at the age of almost 18, 5 years later. I was depressed, developed social anxiety in regards to eating, developed post traumatic stress disorder because of the abuse in which i still get flashbacks and nightmares, ive become really really sensitive to touch.... for a long time i was even too scared to even hug my friends... and i started cutting myself....
I still struggle with it all... I started getting help last year but im still finding it really hard, im always tired, cant concentrate, i have no motivation to do anything but crawl up into a ball in my bed and cry myself to sleep because i simply hate myself so much... Ive just started uni this year and my work is already suffering because of it all.... just another thing to addd to all of my worries....
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I hate that someone can do that to a person. A person. A human being with a heart and fragile mind. Especially a younger person. Someone who's whole state of being depends on how they are treated and how they live. I'm really sorry that all those things happened to you. It's horrible and I wish I could take away every bit of pain you're feeling, but the truth is, no matter how bad I want to, I can't. It's not easy when someone from you're own family abuses you, let alone someone that knows what you had been through as a child by losing some of your family members. That person deserves every bit of suffering and sorrow that they get. I hope that your life straightens out, and I hope that the abuse of your body and minds ceases. If you ever need to talk, I'm here always!
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Thanks for reading it =) and same goes to you... If you ever need a non-judgmental, listening ear, Im your gal
xx - Jo
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here it goes
I was going to try to write this in a poem but I couldnt seem to do it.
Behind my scars lyes millions of stories of which you have asked me to tell you about...
And for once... Im going to tell you the truth...
All my life I have lied... and yes... it has been for attention/friends...
I was adopted when I was first born.
At age 13 I started cutting (this time it wasnt for attention)
I cut because I hated that I couldnt keep friends, because I hated myself
I had thoughts of suicide, but now those thoughts hardly come around
At age 15 I started huffing
(I was still cutting but not as much.)
I had met some new friends and we all used to cut together, I used to do it really bad when I was with them... my sides are still covered with scars from the past.
at 17 I was STILL huffing
I have been to a mental hospital where they kept me even longer because I cut when I was there.
Lately some really shitty things have been happening to me, I just lost my best friend because I got extremely angry at her for kissing the boy I was crushing on... (what might sound like plain girl drama, is really a nightmare) she wanted to fight me, I refused, and I want to be her friend again. At the time I don't cut and dont plan to... but I still want to start huffing again... Ive been clean for 6 months. But I have only been like that because of the friend whom I just lost. Im always sad. I'm not afraid of death.... I just dont want to die... but I want to be numb... and huffing seemed to be the only thing that gave me what I wanted.... now im stuck... and i still hate myself. My adoptive mom told me that I had a sister that was 2 years older than me.... She told me this after 17 years of being with her... I was so angry... The whole time I had someone there for me and I didnt know it. I cant get in contact with my birthmom till im 18... 1 month to go
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I'm not gonna lie, your story is a sad one, but it's not so bad that you can't fix it, or get help. Things will get better, and like I said to Rayne1331, Everyone deserves to be happy in life. Everyone. And you'll find that happiness will be more than huffing or cutting could ever do. I've tried huffing before, and I know what you mean. There's the numbness, but not an immediate killing, except of your brain cells. But otherwise, it seems like the perfect alternative, and I kinda pull from your story that you realize it's not the best choice, and if you don't, let me help you realize. Pain like that kind of pain, emotional pain, doesn't bring joy. It hurts, and then you do something, huffing for example, to make everything feel better, but it only leaves you feeling worse. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I know it was brave, because people are so judgmental now a days, but im here for you if you need to talk! Just hit me up with a message. And I truly do wish that when that next month comes and you can contact your birth mom, that everything goes okay!
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.... i was and still am beatin by my older brother. I was raped.... I was raped a few years ago by my ex bestfriend... and thats about it
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Im so sorry.
If I can put in my opinion, I would recommend telling someone that you trust, even though I know it may not seem like there's not anyone you can talk too, because from your story I saw that you were and still are being betrayed and hurt by someone you should be able to trust and be able to tell things to them. I'm very sorry to hear that, but I'm here always. If you need help, let me know, and I'll do my very best to help you. And trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you like you ex best friend did, or your brother is doing to you. I wish I could make everything in the world alright, and that everything would be okay for you and all the other people in the same situation, but I can't. You can initially take that first step, and tell someone, but like I said, that choice is left up to you. Message me, if you need anything. You're young, and no doubt an amazing person. Everyone deserves to be happy in life, and that very much includes you.
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