Insanity

Insanity overpowers me at times. I sit here day after day wondering if I have ever accomplished a thing. My childhood seems to be a bit fuzzy. Bits and pieces float in and out of my head as the years move on. I want to capture some of them and try to fit the pieces together, like a puzzle, only in chronological order. I don't think it will be easy, but I must give it a try.

My daughters know nothing of their mother's madness at times. I can see a little leaking out of her, my oldest, sweet and kind and just a little jolted. Her mind as warped as mine once was. The movements in her face and the way she carries herself across the dim lit hall, reminds me of yesteryear and lost friends and all the lonely faces I have passed along the way to here...the present...now...and forever beyond into eternity.

At times, I can swear the face I knew from old is the same one I saw yesterday, only I get confused which is real and which is not. Are we all made up of molds and the population is so that we must re-use the molds to carry on with our existence? Same face, eyes, nose, different hair on different body structure. Same voices, characteristics, flaws, on different feet? It all confuses me. Say, excuse me sir, where did I know you from? I can't remember...you say you loved me once? Are you sure? I would remember a face such as yours, wouldn't I?

Funny, how things appear and then they don't. I really didn't believe I knew you until I looked into her face. She has the same eyes and mouth, and I do think I have forgotten where I put her father. Have you seen him? He's about your height, your age, your hair color, but different...if you know what I mean. No. Well, then, goodbye.

It's things like that! You see how confusing it can all be? Well, I will keep searching for my past, I know I put it here somewhere.

To be continued.....