summer

yeah I totally look forward to the summer, but I really am scared.

I really hate winter. it's cold and rainy and the gray is very much depressing.
wearing too much clothes, yet feeling very very cold. like a heart turned into stone.
like we all can't feel more than the coldness. and the gray surrounding. threatening the sensitive with depression. life would be much much better for a lot of people if there was no winter. except for the ones who have a warm winter, which I'm very jealous of.

okay, so everyday I look out the window to hope for a glimpse of sun. and when the sun is shining, it's taking me far away. to a time called summer. where the sun is actually warm. and every year it's the same old ritual, just hoping every day the summer will be here soon.
but this year there's more feeling than the happiness of the summer. it's the threat of wearing short sleeves. of swimming and bikinis.
I don't want people to see my scars. only the look on their faces make me feel like the depression of the winter is back again, leaving me cold and empty.
so yeah I'm scared. that's it for now.
xx