Subordinate Clauses

The fact that I’m repeating a basic, intro-level English class is embarrassing enough; the fact that I haven’t really Read Anything [and by that use of caps I mean anything of literary Significance or Substance] in two years is worse. Insert disclaimer here: I’m not stupid, I’m a slacker. [And doesn’t that sound nice?]
As we go over subordinate clauses I realize my understanding of writing comes from reading: I learned to write [not Write, like the greats or my terribly brilliant circle of new college friends] from a constant devouring of books as a child. I didn’t read really, I swallowed them whole. Not sure when I stopped reading like that or where I picked up the sloppy habit of cutting the “I’m” from the beginning of my sentences, but I did.
I’m also realizing how little I’ve ever absorbed anything an English teacher has said to me. I’ve never really needed to – my understanding of English is instinctual; which is nice but it means I don’t know the technical terms for any literary devices and when I write I abuse punctuation like it’s my job.
I’m not stupid and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Though perhaps there is something stupid about totally disregarding the good people trying to teach me – classic brash presumption of youth and all that jazz. [Also I litter my paragraphs with colloquialisms]. Maybe stupid isn’t quite the word for it? I think it’s what my dad calls “pigheadedness” i.e. being stubborn as hell and ignorant of necessary things because of it. I don’t learn anything unless it’s through making epic mistakes…always have to go the hard way. Dad’s right when he says I bring a lot on myself.
Like right now, I should be learning things but here I am, scribbling away with some pseudo-self-realization epiphany. I live in such loops.