degauss

its getting colder.

huh.

i still kinda love you kid, even though i know i shouldnt
because youre not the same as you were.
are you?
did you really become this scaly thing
still damp, two weeks old
i cant believe
its surreality
your eyes like coal around corners
why did i give you so much?
i baked my love into cakes and sewed it into pillows
pressed it to your cheek with my lips
i tried to push the bad things out of place
did you crack your shell all on your own?
peck your own way out?
did the sunshine hurt your eyes?
i know for me it was so bright
i couldnt know what to think.
was it those other boys
rotting out their mouths with their dirty words
and more and more tobacco?
or was it those other girls
the ones you always looked down on
(from that pedestal where i put you, i'm so sorry for all this)
their straight hair
their matching shoes
their silver platters
dancing and screaming and hugging
you never wanted to compare me to them
everything i did
it was good
black sheep girl
i always felt like it scared you
the old you
the one that knew love like a jagged mountain
you would climb forever
did we journey upward too far?
all the hidden sidewalks
their decay was lovely
so was i
why didnt you tell me that it had changed?
i never felt the difference in the warmth of your hair
or your heart
or your hands
why didnt you tell me you were going?