&& if i lay here
w.a.i.t.i.n.g for you;
will you ever return?
baby, Im gonna wait forever,
forever and eternity;
[i promise]
there's no way i can leave;
walk away from my dream.
its just so impossible.
take this love out of my heart;
feel it the way I do.
i swear you'll come back then.
as i lay on my empty bed;
drowning myself in broken tears,
i wont allow you to leave my head.
i mean it when i say i love you,
and each second you aren't here
my heart shatters a little more.
[&& the blood just wont stop draining.]
sigh. i miss her, i really do. and i know its for the best and one day im going to be so happy but until that day i just want to be back in her arms. even if i die in her arms-- every time. i miss the feeling i get, the feeling of being complete. the feeling of loving someone so much more than myself- the feeling of being willing to do anything it takes to keep someone apart of my life and make them as happy as can be. I miss her- everything about her. the way her smile always sparkled and put light into my eyes. the way her lips felt on mine. i miss the way i would lay my head on her shoulder and her hair would fall on my face.. the smell of her hair. the feeling of comfort i got from her hair.. [im weird, i know, and i don't care.] maybe i even miss the pain-- because at least the pain was something from her.. having nothing from her- nothing at all- i think hurts even more........
nothing kills you even more.
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dude that rocks!
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thanks.
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That's really sweet and sad. *hugs*
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Yeah... *hugs*
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Aww..You are not weird, you are absolutely normal, you are just deep in love. I know the feeling, it is like you can't breath because they took all the air with them when they left. Do you at least still talk, or tried to stay friends? maybe things will work out or you would feel better if you talk more. Even though I can't feel your exact pain, I can relate to every word you said in your poem. I wish you the best. Take care
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Exactly.. I feel like I'm not alive- theres no breath in my beaten lungs and no beat in my broken heart.. ='[ She took it all with her.. And she doesn't even understand.
We have been broken up for awhile actually.. We didn't talk much but we started to talk a lot and hang out a lot; now I miss her so much more than ever. And i want it all back 493275329 times more. No, we don't really talk much. this last week as been... weird and different. We don't really talk at all. Its weird... Its more knowing she doesnt care and shes not attempting to talk to me than it did knowing she didnt care yet she still told me she loved me.
If that makes any sense.
Sorry for totally rambling.
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I understand all the rambling so no need to be sorry
. Love is such a weird feeling to begin with, add a broken heart to it and you got such a mess in your hand. I am sure she still care in her own way..nothing wrong with wanting it all back, the trick is not to show it. How do you know she does not care? did you try to talk to her and she refused?... sometimes all we need is time to heel and understand... either give yourself time and her too, or try to talk to her and see what is the best for both of you, since she said she still loves you... Not sure what is the whole story, but being honest always helps the situation.
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I don't show it.. Well, yeah. Actually recently I told her not to talk to me anymore and im sure I hurt her feelings. But it hurt to bad. The things she was doing. And the way things were. And now I realize it hurts more not having that pain there- not having her there. I didn't think hurting more would be possible... =/
I know she doesn't care because.. She tells me she loves me and stuff and that she cares but the things she does say other wise. Like going out with other people or messing around with other people shows that she obviously cant love me like i love her because shes not wanting to be with me again. [Or maybe im just a horrible gf... idk.] I try soemtimes- she never really talked back. She was always "busy" she said after awhile and she did reply.
But when i told her goodbye.. she was like goodbyes are always bad and i was like "no this goodbye is good" [its mean i knwo but i had to- if u knew the whole story. =[ ] and shes like "ouch that was harsh. i cant believe you'd ever do this to me." i know i hurt her and i feel bad but.. its alwyas me doing stuff to her, yet she doesnt take time to acknowledge what she does to me.. thats how i know she doesnt care like she says.
i guess its a mess.. thats been going on for years now- like three i guess. but i cant help but to love her- im in love with her- i love her. and you cant just stop loving someone.
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Don't stop loving her. We sometimes hurt people we love because we are hurt soooo much inside. from the little you said about her,I can see she cares. Take off the black glassless and put on the white one for a sec for me. Take a look at what you just wrote, read between the lines of what she said... Can you see it?
OHHHHH the things some people do and they would still swear they loved you is a whole different story, she is still young and you are too, so maybe she loves you in a different way...ask her to go for a coffee or something to talk, no drama, no past memories, nothing but good time and laughs, make it easier, show her you are happy, laugh ...do whatever you want..don't stop loving her, just don't stop living either... -
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I reread it- I dont get what your saying though, where does it say she still cares? Maybe she cares.. She probably does but it doesnt seem like it.
What do you mean in a different way...? =[
I try to laugh around her, when I talk to her, i make it seem like im okay. Its hard though. And I try to hang out with ehr like that but she never really comes around anymore and when she does its fantastic. For the most part anyways..
how do I not stop loving her but not stop living at the same time? im sure i sound utterly pathetic.. but going on without someone you love is like not living at all. if that makes any sense. -
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Happy Birthday
Sorry it took a while to get back to you. I wish I could say it is easy to forget and just move in, because the truth is.."IT IS NOT EASY"
hmmmmmmmmmm I guess you DO see what I mean becasue you said
"Maybe she cares.. She probably does, but it doesn't seem like it." hmmmm a little bet confusing don't you think...
Sher cares in her own way, we all love in our own way..
Try to enjoy the time you have with her, if that is all you can get. You are still young and (I know you are not going to like it when I say that), but it is the truth, you will love at least 3 or 4 times before you can find THE ONE. What I am trying to say is enjoy your life..grab the best of it and run with it..You are a young beautiful lesbian Christian girl, what more can you ask for...lol...I wish I could go back on time, because when I was your age I could not open my mouth and say I am gay, let alone have a girl friend. -
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Thanks. How'd you know it was my birthday?
For starters; you made me laugh. Thanks. =]
And you totally made my day- the whole grab the best of life. People always tell me but its like i never grasp it.. I think I did this time. And yes, I know im young so i dont mind that you say it. And I know in time i will love again and what not but its just the matter of letting this love go to go on and have the chance to love again; if that makes sense. But you just helped tremendously, so I think I can do that a little better now. I'll just reread that comment again and again if i need to. Haha.
And you are gay...?
Yeah, I can do it because i dont care I guess. I mean I care but if they cant accept ME im not going to be someone im not- i rather go on in life with nobody then pretend.. So yeah. and i really like how you put lesbian and Christian together like that- everybody else is always like you cant do that blah blah blah- like the other day. so that made me feel better!
[btw, im not that gyoung anymore- im sixteen now. haha. =p ] -
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Hmmmmm... Your profile says it is your birthdays...lol, and that you expect gifts.... You are funny
I am glad I made you laugh...my small gift to you in your day. I am a mother, a lesbian, a Christian, a lover "I have the best GF ever", so now I am openly proudly GAY...Was NOT able to 20 years ago though, I am sure you know what I mean. Soo happy I helped a little bet, I am so proud of you...you will get through it because you are strong I can feel it in your words. YESSSSS you can say Lesbian and Christian all together, and if people don't agree with me I tell them my favorite line "here is to you, here is to me, we may never disagree, and if we do F*** you, and here is to me" I am sure you are smiling just about now...keep up the good work and enjoy your day, grab anything you like, it is YOUR DAY...I am here if you need to chat any time ...I will check on you every now and then for sure...take care...
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Oh yeah! Haha. I don't even like gifts but I just wanted to put it there. I forgot. =D
Well that is amazing that your all of those. I dream to me just like you when Im older then. =]
And yes I know what you mean..
Im happy you helped too. Thanks. =] And thanks for saying Im strong. It helps me to believe that I am. That Im strong enough to let go because I already know Im strong enough to hold on..
Well, thanks. You dont even understand how much of a relief that is to find someone that is like me- a lesbian and christian. Im so tired of hearing its not possible. And you like just lifted a huge weight off of my heart! And I take that back- you probably do understand. Haha.
Yes, I was smiling. Haha.
Aw, you are too sweet. Thanks. =]
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