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Chapter 6

Picture--Edited by Me

Gotten from Speaker13 on Photobucket.

Chapter 6-Rebirth

There's more to life than most people know.

Most of them go on day by day, accepting all the horrible things that happen to them. Girls get molested, raped and killed everyday but no one grieves, no one feels anothers pain as deeply as you do when you're in love with someone.
For me, it became all too apparent what Jack had gone through. And as time went on, and as I read the only real true friend he had besides me, I came to understand, I came to relate, but most of all, I came to accept him for what he was, wholely and truely.

Eva was his younger sister. Jack and I were 16/17. I had met her a few times and many times, she'd come along with us when Jack's dad was drunk and was most likely going to beat on her. Eva always seemed so relieved, like she was happy to be anywhere with anyone, but her dad and at home.

Jack often played the role of cute older brother. Often cracking jokes and ruffling her hair. Eva's eyes sparkled and she would laugh. She'd always try her hardest to get close to me as a friend. I guess, it's because Jack and I were as close as we were and loved each other so much, that she felt, maybe she wanted to get in on that too.

I accepted her. Most of the time, Jack would call me and whenever he couldn't be there for her, he'd ask, actually beg me to take her to the mall and go shop somewhere or go see a movie with her, but just to get her out of the house.

Most of the time, I had my hands full with something else, such as work or homework or just resting. But, I would never let Jack down and I shuddered at the thought of the bruises she'd go to school with the next day, the one's I'd notice, the one's that'd piss me off.

So, I'd happily oblige and get dressed. I'd call her and her dad would pick up the phone and ask who the hell it was. I'd tell her it was Jen and he'd say whatever and throw the phone at her [so she would tell me later on].

Eva was 15. Yeah, a year younger than me. But she always seemed so quiet. But then again, she always had so much to be quiet about.

One time we were at the mall and I took her to the ice cream shop while she happily ordered 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream in a cup with chocolate sprinkles. As she went to get the money out of her pocket, I stopped her hands and paid for her ice cream. It was then, as the sleeve of her thermal rose up, that I saw the bruises, the fingerprints. He'd horribly hurt her the night before when Jack was out, with me. Eva hadn't asked to come that time, because our relationship was one that she respected and she hated imposing upon us.

It was then, as we left the ice cream shop, that my eyes filled up with tears. Eva stuck it out, one night of abuse from her asshole father, for us. So that Jack and I could have our alone time.

Part of me hated myself, for ever thinking she was a burden at times and part of me just wanted to wrap her up in my arms and help her feel safe. EVer since Jack died, she and I didn't talk much. But that was my fault. I became cold, distant, I didn't care anymore, about anyone, most of all, myself.

I'd cross her in the hall and I'd see her, sulking and alone and I knew--I knew then that he was still beating her but even more violently now, because Jack was gone and so was the only person who ever fought the hardest he could to keep her safe. I'd turn my head and let my darkness fill me. I'd tell myself, she wasn't my problem anymore. I couldn't be around her. How could I when all she ever did was remind me of Jack?

It was grief I didn't wish to know anymore.

So I deattached myself, I didn't have anything to do with her anymore.

For the first few weeks, after he died, she tried to approach me but I'd play it cooly and say I was fine. We'd barely talk and I'd stare into the space behind her. Finally,she'd give up and use the excuse of having tons of things to do, as the reason as to why she had to go.

She left me voicemails crying sometimes. It'd be about Jack of her father beating her. Sometimes she'd beg for me to come and get her, but I'd just shut off my phone and lay in the stillness of the dark and wait for something to come and get me. She wasn't my responsibility anymore.

--

Maybe he wanted me to take care of her. I knew that. I knew it even before he ever said anything. It was one of those things, that, when you're in love with someone, it comes with them. It's part of the baggage, part of them. So, what can you do? You accept it, you help out in anyway you can and you try to lessen their burdens.

Suddenly, I felt like the Pope and laughed at the thought.

I picked up my phone and turned it on as I sat on my bed. I rubbed the tears out of my eyes and knew what I had to do. My fingers found their way to a phone number I hadn't called in a long time. A raspy voice answered the phone and it was noneother than, the asshole father.

He screamed through the phone for Eva after coughing for about 2 minutes straight. Smoker's lung. I prayed it'd get him soon.

Eva came to the phone and groggily said, "Yeah?"

I answered, my fingers shaking, "Hey Ev."

"Jen?" she asked seeming a little more than suprised.

"Yeah, its Jen, How ya been?" I asked trying to sound friendly. Something I hadn't done for months.

" I'm alright. You?" she asked seeming equally friendly.

"Eh, you know. Breathing." I said half laughing. She laughed in return.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." she said, a hint of laughter in her voice.

So, she didn't hate me. She was still trying to be friendly, even after all the times I left her alone, even after everytime I pushed her away and wouldn't help. I breathed a breath of relief and went on to the convo. It felt like there were years to catch up on, it felt like, it'd never be the same and I'd have to work to make our friendship what it was, but maybe this time, even better.

" Ah man, where has the time gone?" I said breathing in disbelief.

"Good question. Seems like it's been years since I last talked to you." she said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I have to talk to you about that.. " I said.

She was quiet on the other end of the phone.

" I'm sorry. I know, I know..that doesn't cut it. It isn't enough and you deserve a better piece of shit friend than me. I didn't mean to ignore you, I didn't mean to push you away and leave you on your own with that asshole. I'm so sorry Ev, I really am. It's just, I didn't know how to be, I didn't know how to feel, or how to even be a person around you when all I knew, when Jay, was gone. You reminded me so much of him, it was impossible not to be reminded that he was gone.. you know?" I said with tears streaming down my face.

"Jen, it's okay. I don't blame you. I understand. But I lost him too." Eva said.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess we both did." I said.

"Yeah..." Eva said.

There was silence on the phone between us for about 5 minutes. I got lost in thoughts and finally I spoke up.

"Eva?" I asked.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"Oh, just making sure you're still there." I said.

"Yeah, where else do I have to be?" she laughed.

"Good point." I said.

"Hey, um, do you mind if we hang out tonight?" she asked.

"Heh, yeah, sure. I mean, I have nothing else to do but be pathetically sad and well, you know, I'm bored too." I said.

"Well, dad just left to go to the bar and I know that when he gets home, he'll be drunk. Lately I've had a new system. I hide in the basement and I wait 'til he's passed out on the couch to go upstairs." Eva said.

"Wow, holy shit man, I'm sorry." I said.

I felt like shit now.

"Yeah, so I was thinking, maybe since tomorrow's Saturday, we won't have to get up early and well, I wouldn't mind catching up on old times with you. I think we could both use it." she said sounding thoughtful.

"You know, I think you're right. Anyway, I think there's this new movie that came out that I might wanna see. But, I never have anyone, I'm always alone, so I never really go and see it. And when I do, there's usually couples everywhere making out so I just leave. Sucks being alone." I said.

"Oh yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes when I need to get out and away from dad, I go to the movies too and I see lots of that." she said laughing.

I smiled.

"Okay, so, um, meet me halfway?" I asked.

"Sure, so, at um, the supermarket on South and Delon St.?" she asked in reply.

"Yup. So, have your phone on, I'll let you know when I'm close." I said being overprotective.

"Okay and hey Jen?" she said.

"Hm?" I asked.

"I'm so happy you're back." she said and then hung up.

The phone laid there in my hands and I stared at the mirror across the room from me. Was I?

--


Eva and I met up at the Supermarket and the first thing she did was run to me and squeeze me for like 5 minutes. I just laughed and said, "happy to see me?" with a raised eyebrow.

"Hell yeah!" she screamed.

We both laughed and she looped her arm around mine as we started walking in the direction where I'd come from.

"Um, where are we going?" I asked.

"Hmm, I dunno. Wherever the road takes us?" she said seeming like her old self.

I smiled and walked alongside her.

"Soooooo, how's things? " I asked sounding happier than I had in months.

"Well, dads gotten worse with the beatings but, I can take it and most of the time, I hide so he won't find me. Normally, he'd be angry with me the next day but now, all he ever does is just forget. But, he's still an asshole." she said staring ahead.

"You're different than I remember." I said.

"I know. I wanted to change. I wanted to be a new person. I'm 16 now." she said smiling at the end of the sentence.

"I know. I'm 17 and last time I saw you. You hand golden brown hair down to the middle of your back and you were never ever punk." I said laughing.

"Yeah, well, dying it black and giving it one dark purple streak is not such a big deal. Afterall, I liked it and well, for once, I'm being what I want to be and not someone else who is used to being nothing and conforming to what everyone else wants." she said rather confidently.

"Here here miss feminist." I said trying to clap.

She sucker punched me in the arm and we both laughed.

We went to the park. And it was midnight so we just sat on the 2 swings. The third hung beside her and was empty. We swung high in the air and laughed, talking as we did and catching up on all that we'd missed.

There was a point in time, where we stopped swinging and I looked over at her. She just stared at the floor, but I could tell that look on her face. She was miles away, somewhere in thought and memory. I had that look on my face alot. Before, it used to be just the three of us. I looked over at the empty swing. And now, there was just 2. Just me and her and that's how it'd always be.

"Jay you left me with so much..." I said to him in my head as I looked up to the sky.

When I looked back at Eva, she was staring at me.

"What?" I asked blankly as I watched her stare intently at me.

"You've been suffering. You really miss him don't you?" she asked with the most serious face I've ever seen.

Something in the way she'd said that that made me stare at the floor and start sobbing. It felt like the weight of years fell off my shoulders as I cried.

This time, she flew to my side and wrapped her arms around me. She stroked my hair and hushed me.

"Shhh it's okay. I understand. I've missed him too..."

And for once, she was the grown up and not me. I needed someone, I needed something, to help me fill the niche, to gather up all the broken pieces and miss him alongside with me too.

Eva wiped the tears and I finished up. I'm sure I looked like all Hell right then.

"You look gorgeous." she said almost reading my thoughts.

"Yeah, and you're a good liar." I replied smirking.

She returned back to her swing and asked, "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, for the most part." I said, my voice fucked up from crying.

About another hour later, after opening up to one another and talking some more, we got up and left, looped through one anothers' arm.

On our way to my house, an idea dawned on me and I started to get happy.

"Hey! I've got an awesome idea!" I said.

"What?!" she said equally excited.

"Well, you're not happy where you are and your dad could give two shits if you're there or not so um, why not just stay with me? I mean, I'm always alone, my dad won't really care either and I have TOO big of a room to really stay in all by myself." I said smiling.

"Oh my god! Are you fucking serious?!" she said in excitement

"As a heart attack." I replied.

"OH MY GOD!OH MY GOD! YES!!!! " she screamed jumping up and down as she hugged me to the point of suffocation.

I just laughed. I'd been happy again and no one had made me laugh that hard since Jack.

"So, should I go with you to get your stuff and then we'll head over to my house or do you just wanna stay over and get it tomorrow morning?" I asked.

"Tomorrow morning definitely. Dad will be drunk and home by now." she said, a hint of darkness flashing across her eyes.

"Cool, we'll go first thing." I said.

"Okay." she said still smiling.

"And you can borrow my pajamas and we'll share the bed." I said.

At last, I wouldn't sleep alone.

"OKAY!" she said and we dashed home.

I was smiling the whole way home and she was talking nonstop as she went on about everything that came to her mind. I just listened and occassionally replied.

Things were getting better. Maybe, just maybe, this was Jack's doing.

TBC

M.Y.V.
8-27-08