I seem to have taken one step forward and two steps back in my slow progress to get close to people. I've slipped into another of my "don't feel like talking to anyone right now, plus i just dont have time," when i know that statement is just an excuse.
My best mate has finished all his work at uni and i haven't tried to call him.
My online soul sister was in a massive financial crisis with her breakup and almost lost her flat. I was emailing her again a few days ago but now i've not tried to contact her again.
I've started thinking that i'm just in the way of my AP friends and that i should butt out. So i've stopped making small talk with them too.
And now my best friend from work as left and i haven't really tried to see her again either, even though she actually lives fairly close.
What the hell am i so afraid of? Normally the inability to interact with others is due to lack of self acceptance, but i like the way i think and my morals and stuff like that. Granted physically i can't stand to look at myself but i've long since accepted that i can't just stop people from seeing me.
I can see it coming. One day something is going to happen to someone like the above and i'll lose them, and because i was too stupid and confused i'll never get them back. All because i didn't even TRY to take steps to stay in contact.
I think the time has come to re-evaluate what is important in my life...
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