Biggest Mistake of My Life....

I really don't know what the hell I've gotten myself into now.....

I know I ended it but i never wanted things to be like this... I never wanted it to end forever... I love you and I highly doubt I'll ever stop loving you... Why the hell did you have to make it now or never? I made the wrong choice... I was stupid and didn't know what I was saying... I do want you now I want you forever but it's too late I guess.... And I know its too late but you just have to keep rubbing it in my face don't you... every time i talk to you i shake and i feel like bursting into tears but i know i cant and shouldnt because this is my own fault... i always ask for my clothes because thats the only excuse i can think of when really i just want to hear your voice and just talk to you... but you always have to bring her up you always have to mention her and emphasize about how you have someone else now... why do you have to do that? i get it you're moving on... you don't have to bring her up all the damn time... i mean hell i call you tonight and talk to you for about a minute or maybe two and you have to immediately bring her up and shit and make it special that i know you're talking to her on the other line... thanks a whole lot... honestly sometimes i wish i could do that to you to show you how it feels but i guess you wouldnt care because you have her now.... i just keep wondering and want to ask if you love her, if youve had sex with her, how come you got someone so quickly, did you already have a crush on her when you were with me...... god knows i'll never ask.... i try to pile up everything you gave me and everything that reminds me of you but my mom takes shit out for Christian... what the fuck.... and then it still doesnt help... im walkin through the store getting groceries and i cant even get one of my favorite chips because it reminds me of you... i cant look anywhere without being reminded of you... its a miracle i dont cry every night but i know i cant because like i said its just my own fault... god i cant believe i was so stupid... i love you and i miss you so fucking much.... i cant stand this.... i wish i could take it all back but i know its too late now... i just dont know what to do... i cant move on because i dont want to... i love you and i still want to spend the rest of my life with you and have your children and marry you.... how the hell am i gonna get myself out of this one.... i hate how i lost you and that i let you go for such a stupid fucking reason.... no matter how i look at it and how i look back on our relationship and all the bad shit, i cant seem to feel even the least bit glad im not with you... i used to think there were so many reasons not to be with you but looking back at them i know nothing that i did was for the best.... i miss you... i love you.... fuck i hate what i did and i wish i could take it back.... so fucking bad do i wish i can take it back but i know i cant.... i dont know how youre getting over me so easily but i guess that just means you didnt love me as much as i love you... sometimes i wish i could get over you and move on like you have but mostly i wish i hadnt ended it.... you must hate me now and i know i should probably deserve it....

i dont know what else to say.........