Assholes!

My idiots!

I don't know what to think anymore, because I don't even know who's real and who's not. You all pretend to be friends, but then I turn around and you're talking shit with and against each other. You know, it's funny how B.F.F. (Best friends forever) is thrown around so often. I had a B.F.F. wait, I still do. It's the same person I gave the label to almost seven years ago. I was a B.F.F before, but I got replaced when I stopped doing their dirty work, and when I stopped giving in to everything awful that they wanted to do. So who really knows if people have friends nowadays? With everyone throwing their labels around, it’s hard to tell where you stand with phony people. It's so stupid. I'm just physically and emotionally exhausted. I also don’t know what to think when hearing some people constantly call EVERYONE their B.F.F.s.
This might sound selfish, but shouldn’t there only be one best friend? For example, if I’m your best friend, nobody should be taking my place. Nobody has ever taken yours, and even if I spent time with certain people a little more often, I never once called them my B.F.F. even though they called me theirs. (Funny how I got rep[laced by them when they got bored.) I honestly don’t think people know the true meaning of a best friend. They just call everyone their B.F.F. so they don’t hurt their feelings. If you’re trying to put people on an equal pedestal, then just call them all friends? They’re not ALL best friends... There’s always that one person you think of first above everyone else.

Okay, let’s see what a best friend is according to me.

• Someone who is always there for you, no matter what time of day or night
• Someone you can trust with your life, your secrets, your wallet, everything
• A person you can lend money to or anything else and not have to worry about them paying you back
• A person who calls you up just to say hello
• A person who knows something is wrong even if you’re hiding it with a smile.

Okay, now let’s see what a friend is... well, more of an acquaintance really, they’re border-line the same.

• Someone who is there when they’re not sleeping or busy with prior arrangements
• Someone you can trust with a secret or two
• Someone you can lend a couple bucks to, or borrow from
• Someone who calls you up to hang out or go out for lunch/to visit
• A person who asks you what’s wrong when you’re frowning

Now what’s an acquaintance?
• Someone who is there for you when it’s convenient for them
• Someone who will answer their phone for you when they’re not doing anything else
• Someone who borrows money off of you and you know you won’t get it back
• Someone you can chit-chat to, or rant about work, school, etc.
• A person who calls you up if there’s nothing else to do or no one else to hang out with
• Someone who asks you what’s wrong when you’re clearly upset and tears are falling


People laugh when I tell them I’m depressed. They don’t take me seriously. Don’t ask if you don’t believe me then. I hate it when people try to talk to me and pick up where we left off; it doesn’t work anymore. I’m tired of being let down and I’m tired of being the rebound friend when all of your other friendships go down the drain. It’s taken some time and a lot of getting used to, and although I do miss the fun times, and the stupid things, I just can’t see it ever going back to the way it was. I can’t see us ever talking again either. The memories were good while they lasted, and sometimes I still think of the nights with the music and the rain, and even the videogames.
Lately, I just feel like I don't know you when I look at these pictures. The memories feel false, like figments of my imagination. They feel like I didn’t really know you. I told you every secret I ever possessed, but the last time we hung out you told everyone your biggest secret but me, and then told me to my face that you didn’t want to tell me but you might as well have. How rude is that? That just goes to justify the fact that you used me for your dirty work, for a car ride, to do things your parents wouldn’t approve of, and you used me for a place to sleep when you didn’t feel like going home. I should have seen it coming, but I was so blind.
Now I see the same thing happening to someone else who actually wants to be your friend. You’re a user, a loser, and I don’t even want the memories of you. Here’s a secret I never told you; half the time you were living at my house, you were annoying the fuck out of me and I just wanted you to go home. Another one; I wish the memories didn’t exist. You screwed me over out of so many things so many times, and I sat there as if none of it bothered me. You tried to involve me in the wrong crowd, you tried to turn me in to an alcoholic druggy, you got mad when I didn’t want to do weed with you, so I pretended to do it and claimed I was so high. The very last year of our friendship was honestly an act for me. How’s that for secrets? I’m done with you and the shit you put me through.

Another one I’m done with, let’s see... You bitch at me because I went out for lunch with my BEST FRIEND ONCE! You’re the only person I ever go out to lunch with, but the one day I want to see my best friend who lives further away, I’m not allowed? I’m sorry but when did you become my mother? You flip out and say I never call you but you’re never home when I do call you. You are jealous and possessive, and I honestly don’t know how I became your friend. It’s pretty bad when you only call me to rant about things. I listen, but it’s not fair when you don’t answer the phone when I’m upset. I guess I put my trust in all the wrong people. Oh well, no more wasting breath on you. Enjoy the stale life!

I’m tired of the double labels and the “well I figured you were at work” excuse for getting out of including me. It doesn’t hurt to call, and you’re supposed to be my number one. You’re always my first call but now it’s getting to the point where I’ve lost interest in everyone and anyone. I’m tired of hearing about how many people are always included – all but me. I hate how you’re trying to be SO popular that you don’t even see the real people that appreciate you. Your real friends are right in front of you, but you’re trying so hard to be someone you’re not. I don’t even want to be around you, and I don’t even want to go to your birthday. How sad is that? I’m ashamed of myself, and it hurts, but I’m torn by the fact that I’m never included anymore, and when I am, it’s after I tell you I’m working the night of your plans. I just feel like you guys ask me my work schedule and then make the plans on the night I work, to say you’ve included me; to shift the blame on me for having a job. I’m sorry I’ve been holding a job since grade nine, but you could try a little harder to accommodate me. I always do it for you. Now I’m just tired of people in general, and I’m not even going to bother with having plans. Now I’m just a loner but if that’s the way it has to be, then so be it.

I’m not wasting my energy on being sad, mad, and frustrated on anything anymore. I just don’t give a shit and I hope everyone is happy with their lives, their plans, and their ability to be complete douche bags. Enjoy your life of popularity (or shall I say lack of), and I’ll enjoy my life of solitude.