to the things between

to walking up with your head in your fingers and watching your best friend slit your throat.

so here's to life, to work, to mundane school papers, to swinging, to passing out on a counter top. here's to not getting what you want, or think you want. to people disappointing you over and over again, and you ignoring it because "they didn't mean it". here's to waking up without friends, to waking up cold, to the last cup of coffee that someone drinks before you, to being nervous, to being anxious, to wanting to rip out your hair. to ripping out your hair, to scratches and bruises and all the mistaken pieces of things you lost. to finding old friends, and realizing why they are "old" friends. to dishonesty and truth, to the thin line between wrong and right, hatred and love. to the sky and all things beyond it, to the center of the universe, to new children. to being stressed out, and taking long walks, to feeling guilty, to giving in. to when your souls feels like it's melting, to making plans and having them be broken, to expecting things and being let down, to bad decisions. here's to living in denial, to falling and not picking yourself back up, to laying in the dirt. to breaking promises and telling secrets, to talking behind friends backs, to the startling difference between imperfect and what we percieve as perfection. to realizing you're wrong, to realizing that nothing is really right. to studying, to staying up all night, to being drunk and disorderly, to being left behind. to feeling indifferent, feeling invisible, feeling subordinate. to falling in line, snapping to attention, giving half of what you have. to fucking everything up, to ruining yourself for the fun of it, to ruining everything just to watch it fall. to pretending you're fine, to fake smiling, to smirks. to growing, to wilting, to cutting up your clothes. to writing letters, to burning letters, to drowning. to forest fires and hurricanes, to remembering someone you used to love, to think you were loved, to being wrong. to salt in your wounds, mysterious bruises and broken fingers. to finding out you're being cheated on, to being smacked in the face. to walking backwards, to sleep walking into traffic, to jumping off a bridge, to falling off a cliff. to the endless days, sticky nights, to those times when you just can't focus your thoughts. to falling to pieces, to clinging to hopeless things, to being bitter, to falling asleep freezing, to no pillows and harsh words, to slipping back into bad habits. here's to the reality that is life, to running scared, to looking back. to never letting go, to never forgiving, to never forgetting.