I am sorry

Watched the "American Idol Gives Back" preview via Myspace...
I used to be very active in that stuff during high school... it's funny how we let petty things bring us down now.
There's so much to say, so much to do...
What do you think?

I have so much to feel...
I was so angry today, worried and bothered about something that is so insignificant now.
I was upset over someone else's assumption of me.
I let their jealousy and pettiness attack my self-image and my being.

I move on.
I figure I can work it out and move past this.
I figure I'm only human, only angry.
But I feel so much more.

I longed to express all the hate inside for things I don't even understand anymore.
Hurt feelings and a sense of being ignored made me want to DIE to be heard.
But now it all means nothing.
My feelings are nothing in this world.

I, as one person, may be so insignificant to the rest of this world.
Millions of you don't even know who I am - nor would you care.
Yet you've all felt the same as me.
You've all bled, and hurt and been angry. You've all cried.

But why am I crying?
My emotions are futile, my meaning is undefined.
They have it so much harder. So much worse.
Now I'm grateful just to be.

I just cried moments ago watching American Idol give back via Myspace.
Watching a stereotypically mean, cold hearted man
admit that he never thought "these places existed."
I heard them singing and saw them donating, and helping, hugging and kissing.

I wish I had the guts to do that. I wish I had money to give, food to give.
I wish I could do so much more, and that's why I want to be rich; to give it away.
Not for credit or money or anything - to give back to them.
They don't even have a bed to sleep in, or food for their swollen bellies, or soap for their bodies.

Here I am, sick from fast food.
I'm crying because I realized today, like many other days,
I forget what I'm here for, I forget my purpose.
I need to help others, and put myself aside.

I've done Can Drive for four years,
and Coats for Kids. I donate clothing, furniture, appliances, and toys.
I try my best. I go to church when I can. I pray. I pray for them, hardly myself anymore...
But I still complain when I shouldn't, and I think that's my biggest sin.

And I'm sorry.