Trouble....

For those of you that want to know what's going on with me.

Even though I planned on leaving AP several months ago, I am still here, checking in every day, and posting poems as often as I write them, which isn't very often.

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I'm starting to hate high school more, day by day. The work load is outrageous, and the bureacracy and hypocrisy is impossible to live with. The validictorian of my class has earned her grades through copying the work of others. Students in my Advanced Placement English class copy off of each other. I am so sick of trying to compete against people that cheat for a place into collage, and scholarship money. I am not going to lower my standards by cheating, and if you're one of the people that do, I seriously hope you die and burn in hell. If you're a person who's found success by constantly cheating and lying, you don't deserve to live. I'm sick of being told that some 17-year old uber-girl who on Varsity sports, president of the ASB, head cheerleader, Christian (but who manages to have sex with every guy on the football team and brags about it), who get's straight As and asks "can I copy your French homework" during AP English

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School has become just another activity for me. I'm undecided as to whether I'm going to drop out once I turn 18, or if I'm going to complete my senior year. Regardless, barring some sort of miracle, I am not going to be attending college. I don't have the money, and, honestly, high school has turned me off of the idea of continuing my education. I just don't care anymore.

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I currently have a social life through Lord of the Rings Online, a MMORPG. This is what occupies most of my time. It's been really good for me, as I've found that like me, which is something that very, very, very, VERY rarely happens in real life. It's become my reason to get up in the morning, and it's my reason to keep going.

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I still attend church, now with my grandparents, but I feel no connection to God. I feel no comfort in my life, no peace, and I am convinced that he was never there in the first place. Just another lie, is the way I see it.

 

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sorry for rambling on, just wanted to give an update

Zach

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  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    April 7
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Zach,

    I think it's essential to have a high school diploma, but perhaps you can do it by GED testing. You are a bright and sensitive guy. My son was commenting today that he has few friends at school, few people he's really friendly with. I guess he sees a lot of hypocrisy too. He spends hours playing rpgs (Final Fantasy) online. I wish he would find an extracurricular activity to do, but he's just totally uninterested in what's available at school.
    We're trying to help him find worthwhile activities for the summer. He really wants to learn more about programming and building/repairing computers.

    He's beginning to lower his goals for himself a bit.

    Adolescence is always a difficult time, today I think it's worse than ever. Everyone wants to feel as if they belong and that they matter. I think you matter, and I pray for guidance and continued courage for you and my son Tim, too.

    Love,
    Joyce

  • Frodofan silver member
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    This burns me up! I know how stupid people are and I am catholic! I hate how people can claim to be catholic but go against the commandments and I hate that, by doing so, they drive others away. They WILL pay for that.

    I think you should try to find God again if you can. My Dad once told me that if you don't have any faith left, pray for it. It might sound silly, but it really does work. Eventually, you start to believe again.

    As for highschool, I think you should finish it if only to be the only one who did so honestly.

    As for college, well... I know a lot of people who went and turned into disgusting people and who completed it and are worth off in occupation than I am. I am a graphic designer at a small company and I never took a single class at a college. College really means nothing anymore and apparently online college classes are headed are way (there already are some) if you just want to further your knowldege (that WAS the purpose of colleges in the first place, but doesn't seem to be anymore).

    There was a long span where the only reason I wanted to wake up in the morning was to chat online with friends. And that still is part of it, but I also have a lot of pets who depend on me now and I also breed some of them. I have always liked animals better than people and it is amazing how close to you they can become. If you don't have a pet, maybe you should consider it.

    I hope things get better for you. Remember that, there still are a few people in the world fighting against all this. Actually, they aren't as few as you may think - maybe just not as close by.

  • hiraeth
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    ...I don't even know you & I don't know how I stumbled across this, but I had to comment and tell you how much I connected with this. I HATED high school. Viciously. With an all-consuming passion, for the reasons you listed. Kids in my honours classes didn't even read the books we were supposed to read; 99% of the honours kids got all their knowledge from Sparknotes, lied, cheated, and were general assholes, yet still got into universities for doing nothing. It's horrible at uni, too, at least in the non-honours classes. I don't know how some morons here got into my [rather selective for a state school] university when they can't even form a proper sentence.

    You can still get a scholarship despite those morons who'll stoop extremely low to get one. I'm living proof of that. Ah, so whoever you are, stay well.

  • Lost Vampyre Angel gold member
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    look sweetheart,
    im really sorry your having to go throug this trouble, cheating and sex are major problems in high school, its wrong it really is,
    but you have to get by,
    maybe yoyu will go to collage after youve saved up the funds, because i dont know about other poeple,
    but my school got tons better when i did collage,
    people accept and grow up abit more,

    as for the computer game,
    im glad you have something that gets you by,
    but you must have a person to just rant to to other then a game which isnt going to listen,
    you need someone to guide you,
    and im not the perfect person to look up to considering i have cut and starved myself and got drunk, but still you need someone to vent and rely on,
    i love you,
    Bri xxx