Hemingway once wrote “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for” I haven’t decided if I agree with him or not. It seems a lovely notion. The things one encounters over the years seems to test your faith in this great experiment of life. I don’t think most people fully absorb this great existential question. I truly wish I never did. The mind is a killer, thinking its weapon. How many people have driven themselves crazy daydreaming while it seems so easy for the rest of the world to keep spinning. Time has stopped for me before, the great question of existence struck me down with a poetically ironic and poetically cruel punishment for its pursuit, the anticlimactic deflowering of a virgin mind. A corruption of that honest chase of white crows. The human connection—of a person to himself, the world, god, the natural and supernatural, real and surreal. There are those rare moments of clarity, a transcendence that grips your soul with a warm calm. Perhaps it is divine, the great unknown nothing ever attainable on this earth, in this life, with this body. But something greater in the truest sense of the word. I want to believe.
I want to believe this greater consciousness dwells within us all, that try as we might to flail against the current the greater forces of good and humanity ultimately prevail. This certainly is a rare occurance this transcendence. But ive caught glimpses of it at work throughout the years. When we are ready to see it. When we stop and look, and question till exhaustion the benevolence of this great equilibrium makes its prescence known however subtly.
Science in its infantile wisdom has declared us the offspring of primates, and as animals hardwired instincts tug and brawl with our uniquely human reasoning to produce a miracle. The conscious man, with all his morals be they rational or the product of environment fear, infirmity of the mind, he has built himself a society as do all social beasts. With one hand of god and the other of an animal man has thrived in societies peculiar to race culture and age ect. It appears to me that in every case the strong will and do rise to power, as all civilizations, the prerequisite of society, demands order and limitation of the individuals persona dramatis .History has shown us man’s society is one useless without a separation of class due to the inherent nature of specialization of skill in trade and economics as vital parts of civilization. And due to certian circumstances, the natures of which remain unknown to us to this very day, plague man’s society and his soul spawning riffs in his system that every so often erupt when the natural equilibrium is tampered. There is no good or evil in man’s ambition, only different interpretations of methodology. Only the failure of the society to attack the problems that arise within its workings, ironically the same social problems that have existed since the birth of civilization, only the error and mismanagement of man’s society is responsible for its demons.
Novel Intro
Add a comment
Comments
-
i only read the first paragraph because it's almost 11 and i have school tomorrow. the only reason why im on here is because im missing you; your phone won't charge, i think. anyway.
i like it. i think it serves as a good introduction. the only thing is, do you want to give the readers this intro? it's very well-written but does it give away too much of the novel? on one hand, it sets the reader up for a novel which will truly make them (on an philosophy, emotional, social, etc. level) think. but then again you might want to weigh out the pros and cons of explaining this to the reader versus letting the plot unfold in front of the reader.
also, i think you should add more spaces in between thoughts. for people like me who can't focus for anything, i think pausing in between thoughts would not only make it easier for readers but it would add organization. and it would not compromise the integrity or any other part of this piece.
also, a quick edit, in one of your first few sentences, you can't (gramatically correctly) use 'one' and 'you' in the same sentence.
another thing is to watch your voice. the first two sentences came out quite casual, as if this would be a free, informal flow of consciousness. i understand that this introduction is in a way and
'edited' free flow of consciousness; however, you use sophiticated (i use this word because i cannot think of another) language afterward. i felt that the change in voices was abrupt, which can be rectified by altering the first two sentences.
"It seems a lovely notion that "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for", as Hemmingway once wrote. But I honestly cannot say if I can agree with him or not."
also, as a girl has commented before me, the writing itself was "a little too dense for me to comphrehend". no offense to anyone but screw it write it how you need to write it. it works and as long as you're not doing it to sound fancy or mimic great thinkers before you, it's great. again, i strongly insist that you add more breaks in order to help people grasp one concept at a time. i see how this may be contradictory since this is (an organized, well-written form of) stream of consciousness but it would mean worlds to your reader if you did. here are the breaks I recommend:
"Hemingway once wrote “The world is a fine place and worth fighting for” I haven’t decided if I agree with him or not. It seems a lovely notion. The things one encounters over the years seems to test your faith in this great experiment of life. I don’t think most people fully absorb this great existential question. I truly wish I never did.
The mind is a killer, thinking its weapon. How many people have driven themselves crazy daydreaming while it seems so easy for the rest of the world to keep spinning? Time has stopped for me before as the great question of existence struck me down with a poetically ironic and poetically cruel punishment for its pursuit. Another case of the anticlimactic deflowering of a virgin mind, corruption caused by the honest chase of white crows.
The human connection—of a person to himself, the world, god, the natural and supernatural, real and surreal. There are those rare moments of clarity, a transcendence that grips your soul with a warm calm. Perhaps it is divine, the great unknown nothing ever attainable on this earth, in this life, with this body. But something greater in the truest sense of the word. I want to believe.
I want to believe this greater consciousness dwells within us all, that try as we might to flail against the current the greater forces of good and humanity will ultimately prevail. This transcendence certainly is a rare occurance. But ive caught glimpses of it at work (elaborate on what work is, for you) throughout the years. When we are ready to see it. When we stop and look, and question till exhaustion the benevolence of this great equilibrium makes its prescence known however subtly (i had to read over this sentence twice. if i were you i would read over this and try to make its wording less awkward. if you dont see anything wrong will it, look at it a couple of days later while reading it out loud).
Science in its infantile wisdom has declared us the offspring of primates, and as animals hardwired instincts tug and brawl with our uniquely human reasoning to produce a miracle. The conscious man, with all his morals be they rational or the product of environment fear, infirmity of the mind, he has built himself a society as do all social beasts. With one hand of god and the other of an animal man has thrived in societies peculiar to race culture and age ect. It appears to me that in every case the strong will and do rise to power, as all civilizations, the prerequisite of society, demands order and limitation of the individuals persona dramatis .History has shown us man’s society is one useless without a separation of class due to the inherent nature of specialization of skill in trade and economics as vital parts of civilization. And due to certian circumstances, the natures of which remain unknown to us to this very day, plague man’s society and his soul spawning riffs in his system that every so often erupt when the natural equilibrium is tampered. There is no good or evil in man’s ambition, only different interpretations of methodology. Only the failure of the society to attack the problems that arise within its workings, ironically the same social problems that have existed since the birth of civilization, only the error and mismanagement of man’s society is responsible for its demons."
okay, in this i also tried to edit a few things and told you when to fix some things which read awkwardly to me. but, i didn't include everything i think you should look over.
also, i stopped reading after "When we stop and look, and question till exhaustion the benevolence of this great equilibrium makes its prescence known however subtly."
i thought that this would make a beautiful ending to your introduction since it displays the entire meaning of your novel and hints at your ending without exposing too much to your reader. so, if i were you i would definitely eliminate the last paragraph. i know it's hard because you have an emotional attachment to your writing but i think the best way to go is to chop it off. i only skimmed over it but from what i read i felt confused and i vehemently believe that the ending of the second to last paragraph would be a killer ending.
also, it would make it shorter and sweeter (although it already is in its existing state). in the preface to my Synchronity book, it says that short books are harder to write than long books, and in turn short books show the skill of the writer and how great it truly is. this may apply to your introduction.
however, if you are dead-set on your last paragraph because it includes a meaning i somehow skipped over, possibly you could add bits and pieces to the beginning or middle. or, you could always incorporate the last line of the second paragraph (the only i said you should end on, the one that i said i love) into the ending.
as for the meaning of your introduction, i didn't comment since it is pretty clear how kick ass it is. really awesome introduction. don't think that all of my suggestions meant that i didnt like it; i want to see how much more incredible this possibly could get.
i hope your phone's charged. rock on. -
thought provoking.
its amazing to think about what we all really, really are. we are human just as a ladybug is a ladybug and a bird will always be a bird.
“There is no good or evil in man’s ambition, only different interpretations of methodology.”
personally, i would have to say there is no good or evil. you cannot have something better if you do not have something to put it into comparison with. It seems we are naturally creatures of comparison, but is that natural or is it a learned behavior?
“Only the failure of the society to attack the problems that arise within its workings, ironically the same social problems that have existed since the birth of civilization, only the error and mismanagement of man’s society is responsible for its demons.”
How is striving to be better a failure? If I understand what you are saying correctly you’re saying: we pick at the things that make the structures of our civilizations and create problems for ourselves. You are also saying that our efforts are not evil, but others will interpret our efforts as evil because they are self-serving?
“It appears to me that in every case the strong will and do rise to power, as all civilizations, the prerequisite of society, demands order and limitation of the individuals persona dramatis.”
In the rise of the strong is that because the weak are weak or because the weak are plagued with apathy?
“History has shown us man’s society is one useless without a separation of class due to the inherent nature of specialization of skill in trade and economics as vital parts of civilization.”
(:
-
wow, intruiging. It's a little too dense for me to comprehend. Sounds a lot like Plato.
Adding your comment:
