First let me say that I would like nothing more than to have you consider me as your uncle, you are an amazing person and a gifted poetess, I love reading your poems and I will always be willing and standing by to give you any advice you think I can help you with, to have some fun with you or anything else you may require. But this rant comes as a response to some of your poems that you yourself admit to be personal in nature, I know you don't have an eating disorder...yet, but I fear if you continue you will have, so please hear me out, I will only say this once and I will never do the 'I told you so' thing later on.
This will be broken into segments based on my observations of life, the ironies and the actualities. Please don't take this badly
Segment 1:
The irony of life #1: To lose weight you must eat.
Eat well and regularly, don't take small morsels just to offset hunger pains every once in a while; sit down to a proper meal, filled with proteins and carbohydrates and vitamins and minerals...then go out to the park and play, run around, get dirty, laugh as though laughter is all that matters. Certainly stay away from junk, fried foods and sugar water but eat properly none the less.
Now to the why this is so bit:
First is basic biology, when you eat only enough to stop the hunger pains your body instinctively goes into 'survival' mode, this is thousands of years of hunter/gatherer evolution biting back in the modern world. Your body will think that your environment is scarce of food so, to ensure you have the best chance of surviving this barren environment, it will take every little bit of excess energy (food) and put it into fat cells to store it for a rainy day, or well a not very rainy day to be realistic. That means that when you eat too small an amount of food you will actually gain fat every time you have just a little bit more than normal. If you eat well portioned meals, regularly, your body won't feel the urge to store excess energy as much and therefore you won't get as much fat processed by your body.
The second point is relevant for so called 'binge' eating. If you are used to eating fairly portioned meals at regular intervals you are less likely to over eat at special occasions like going out to a restaurant with friends and family and, even if you do overeat on these occasions it will not affect you body shape as much because it will not be as great a difference from your normal meal size.
I should also note that if you are eating portions of food that are extremely small and you find yourself before a plate of food that smells and tastes delicious, your body will insist that you satisfy it, eating as much of it as possible, this is also part of the same biological need as the point above. In this case the body will eat excessive amounts of food in the anticipation that there will be a long period of time between feedings, again, the way to overcome this urge is to eat fairly portioned, regular meals all the time.
The final point is about your health. The digestive process causes activity in your organs, not just your stomach but your liver, kidneys, pancreas and intestines. This activity is the trigger to an abundance of other activities within your body, designed specifically to flush out toxic chemicals, viral pathogens and other things that will cause illness and disease if left alone. Many of the toxic chemicals are actually waste products or made by your body to enable you to function; to walk, talk and even to think. They are always present and many of them are powerful acids and alkalis that will tear you apart from the inside if they are not flushed from the body. The act of eating and digesting is also the act of voiding the body of these things, it all happens on the same path through the body. Again, regular, fairly portioned meals allow this process to work most efficiently.
Next...
Segment 2:
Observation of life #1:
If you are too tired to exercise, you haven't eaten enough.
Other signs that you haven't eaten enough:
You are short tempered or emotional
You feel overwhelmed and unable to cope
You are depressed
You are unable to focus on one thing for long periods of time
Your eyesight is blurry or fading in and out of focus
You get headaches and stomach cramps all the time
So, do any of these ring a bell?
Everything you do takes energy, from walking to talking to thinking and laughing, even crying and sneezing. You will notice that in my first point I equate energy with food, for the body they are the same thing. If you want to lose weight you have to exercise, just not eating is not enough, you have to go out and make your self physically tired, not necessarily exhausted but tired.
Every day you should go out and do some sort of physical activity and keep doing it until the endorphins kick in at least. You will know when you are at this point, all of a sudden you will look around you and the world will be a little brighter, a little clearer and more resolved. You will feel like you can do anything even though your limbs may feel a little heavy and the sweat is beading on your brow. Then go home, have something to eat and do your homework or write or draw: rest your body, at least 'till the poisons are expelled. Drink a little water every couple of hours to replace the sweat you have lost...water, not fruit juice or soda, water...stay away from most sugars as regardless the body always turns excess sugar into fat tissue.
If you do this all of those symptoms I listed above will fade away, except maybe the depression which is much harder to get rid of and is influenced by more than just a poor diet, but even that will ease.
Segment 3:
Reality check #1:
Catwalk models are not beautiful
An exercise in body image.
I want step by step feedback on this one, just to make sure you are doing it
Part 1;
Go to your cupboard and pull out a coat hanger.
Now, tell me what you think of when you look at it. Tell me what it looks like, what its function is and how aesthetically pleasing it is to the eye.
Part 2;
Now go to your cupboard and pull out your favorite dress, keep the coat hanger attached to it as we are going to put it back without you putting it on
Now, do the same as part one, tell me what you think of it. Tell me about the shape it makes and they way it lies against the coat hanger.
Then tell me if the coat hanger was an important part of the dress as you described it
Part 3;
Look at this picture
Tell me about the person in the picture; is she beautiful, is she healthy...is her shape aesthetically pleasing? What do you feel when you first look at her, what would you like to say to her?
Part 4;
Look at this picture
Tell me about the person in this image, is she beautiful, healthy? Do her clothes look good? describe them, how they sit against her, what shape they make. What do you feel when you first look at her, what would you like to say?
Do you think that the model was as important as the clothing in this image?
Part 5;
Look at this picture
Tell me about the person in the picture; is she beautiful, is she healthy...is her shape aesthetically pleasing? What do you feel when you first look at her, what would you like to say to her?
Part 6;
Look at this picture
Tell me about the person in this image, is she beautiful, healthy? Do her clothes look good? describe them, how they sit against her, what shape they make. What do you feel when you first look at her, what would you like to say?
Do you think that the model was as important as the clothing in this image?
Now I will point out, the first two pictures I got from websites promoting catwalk models the second two from mens adult sites on the net.
The catwalk models are supposed to present clothing to people in such a way that the people who see them see only the clothes and not the person wearing them. They are, in effect, incredibly expensive coat hangers with legs. That is their job.
The models, politely called swimsuit models, have a different job. They are expected to present an illusion of desire, normally to men and boys, the suggestion that if you buy the other, normally ugly, object in the photo a girl like this would like to have sex with you. There fore they are girls that boys want to have sex with.
A reality check is: No matter how plastic and touched up these photos are, swimsuit models are beautiful, they are supposedly healthy (or at least present a healthy image) and they are curvy. Their bones don't jut out, their breasts seem soft and inviting, their butt is firm and round for easy handling. They epitomise the aspects of femininity that is most appealing to other people.
Catwalk models are paid to be as thin as possible, to fade into the background and be ignored in favour of what they are wearing. Some thing else to note is that from what I have seen of the people who select and train models in this particular industry, is that those people are either haggard, bitter women who seem to take pleasure in punishing beauty or effeminate homosexuals whose idea of perfect beauty is a 12 year old boy. Do you really want to take advice from either of these types of people?
I will also note that there is a good likelihood of all of the women in these photos to have some sort of eating disorder. They can be seen as ideals but you really should try not to emulate them, most people in this industry do torture themselves to attain the shape that they have and it almost always ends up with them having serious medical problems later in life.
Segment 4:
About Body Dysmorphic Disorder;
BDD is the feeling that the body you are in is worthless or valueless, that it is ugly or misshapen and, in extreme cases can cause you to undergo unnecessary and inadvisable surgical processes to try to fix. It is a serious psychological condition and one that no-one who is aware that they have it would wish on anyone else.
I know that you don't have it, this is just a warning about it. Most people with eating disorders have this problem, so do many amputees and people with other deformities, regardless of whether they are serious of not. As one who has a mild case of this I can only ask you to be comfortable with who you are physically. If losing weight will make you feel better about yourself by all means do so, I only wish that it would work for me. Do not do it just because someone else wants you to and always be in control of what you do about it.
I have seen images of you and you are not ugly, you are beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; it is an aesthetic value placed on other things by us.
Nor are you obese, yes you are overweight, I'm not going to deny that, but you are not obese. Don't let anyone tell you that.
You will feel more energetic and happier if you lose weight, but only if you do so by exercising and eating right, not if you starve yourself or eat only just enough to stave of starvation. Eat in moderation and exercise regularly and you will lose the excess weight and size, which is more important.
A few other things to note. Most professional bodybuilders, martial artists, rugby and football players, wrestlers and other sports people who rely on strength to participate in what they do are, by the technical definitions of the words, overweight or obese. They build muscle mass to compete and do their best to have as little fatty tissue as possible. This too can cause health problems of a different sort. My only point with this is do not rely only upon the bathroom scales to judge your progress, as you exercise and eat well you will gain in muscle mass, which is heavier than fatty tissue, so measure your waist and chest as well as check the scales. Sometimes your weight won't seem to change but you will still be making improvements all the same.
Segment 5:
Exercise does not have to be done in Gyms
Exercise can be done by walking in the park, playing hopscotch, shopping or anything else. Want to get a good workout at school? Pick a boy you really, really don't want to kiss and play kiss-chasey with him (Yes, I know you're seventeen and a big girl now, but no-one said you can't have fun), you will run harder, faster and longer than you would if you played it with someone you actually wanted to kiss, wouldn't you?
The truth is that most people who have Gym memberships don't use them, it appears that they think that just having the capability to go to the Gym will be enough to shed the excess fat from their bodies...perhaps they use it as a threat. In any case it doesn't work. Note than when people talk about fit people they invariable say that they have a "healthy, ACTIVE lifestyle". Active is the word here...do stuff, any stuff, as long as it involves movement, learn to dance, row...actually learn to dance would be good, ballroom not ballet, as it works your entire body. Swim, ride a bike, climb a nearby hill and spend the afternoon looking at the clouds. Ski; water, snow or grass it doesn't matter, or skate. Be a Nike girl, just do it.
Too many people nowadays have decided that exercise should be regulated and isolated, put into its own little place and time, it's one of many unfortunate side effects of the present age, where people are working in little cubicles for nine hours a day, then getting into their little motorised box on wheels and going home to their centrally heated box with windows to eat their pre-packaged food hot out of the box and then to climb on top of a cushioned cube to sleep until the neon-lit box beside their heads starts to buzz, declaring a new day.
Shit babe, how about we all get outside the box for once and go for a run in the forests?
Just to finish I want to reiterate that I think you to be a wonderful person, vibrant and caring as well as beautiful. Do not ever do anything just because someone else wants you to do it, You are verging now upon the brink of adulthood and one of the hardest things about that is the need to take responsibility for yourself in all things; it is also one of the most liberating things about adulthood as well.
Take care and much love from your uncle.
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