This is a study of haiku rhythm, onji, syllables and beat count. It should help anyone who is serious about trying to improve their haiku - in any language.
A well known Japanese translator, Hiroaki Sato, came to a conclusion years ago that haiku in English must “come to be about twelve syllables” in order to equate to anything similar to the Japanese concept. "Approximately, twelve English syllables best duplicates the length of Japanese haiku in the traditional form of seventeen onji (sound syllable)", Maeda Cana, a haiku scholar also contended.
In Japanese, only 9 to 11 words are needed to make the entire haiku at 5,7,5 while in English we’re often facing a haiku with as many as 17 words! This, for obvious reasons would and does distract the clarity of the image making it more convoluted as well as causing the reading of it to be a greater burden to do in “one comfortable breath” the true universally accepted test of a great haiku (out loud).
“The simplistic notion of seventeen syllable haiku has obscured other more important features such as kireji", Higginson notes (of which English have no real equivalent short of light punctuation at the end of one or two lines but not in the midst of the line itself). This kireji divides the stanza into two rhythmical parts consisting of the two line situation presented juxtaposed to the one line revelation or, possibly, a one line situation that is juxtaposed by two.
It is interesting to note that English is very mono-syllabic and Japanese is multi-sound or what is called “sound-syllable” (onji). Example: Manyoshu is the name of the old collection of Japanese poetry. The word as English says it is Man-yo-shu (three syllables) while in actual Japanese pronunciation it is six onji! That is a huge difference which is why the haiku in Japanese are so pristine and concise while the ones in English are convoluted and lengthy associated with clumsiness. Another good example is the word geisha. In English it is only two syllables while in Japanese 3 onji. With English invariably being less in syllable than as compared to onji, the English poems require more words to “equate” to the Japanese onji which in turn cause the English haiku to be much longer in word count.
The real key to writing great haiku in English is the attempt at matching the rhythm of the Japanese haiku and not necessarily the “sound-syllable” they have which does not relate well to English syllables. This is an interesting subject. With great effort and time many experts were able to identify the Japanese rhythm and create a likeness of it in English. A three line haiku with two accents (beats) in the first line; three in the second and two in the third would match the Japanese style perfectly. Read Japanese haiku. Get the feel of this rhythm and then you’ll begin to see how wonderfully it works in this well studied rhythm of 2,3,2. Keep in mind now. We are NOT talking about 2,3,2 syllables but rather 2,3,2 “beats”. This is a very important distinction here, not to be misunderstood.
The strongest short structure in English poetry is the couplet with two five beat lines; this two, three, two “beat” structure in English gives the sense of rhythmical incompleteness similar to that found in Japanese haiku. When this isn’t done properly in English, run-on sentences becomes the nerve gas that kills the English haiku…. and it rambles on into absurdity with too large of an image to be called a haiku.
This really begins to equate to the “essence” of Japanese haiku which is what we really need to blend with in order to keep the tradition of the Japanese haiku while writing in English.
Note the following poem by Basho though:
kareeda ni
karasu no tomarikeri
aki no kure
In this poem he doesn’t pay any attention to the five, seven, five at all (even in Japanese) and this one adds up to 18 onji. It’s important to note that the Japanese rhythm lands naturally at 5,7,5 while in the English language, it does not. Our language is based more on 2’s, 4’s and 8’s….. but then, after great study, we can see from the preceding paragraph that English can still match the unique rhythm of Japanese haiku by using less number of words for a more distilled image and also paying attention to the 2,3,2 beat rhythm, which has implications of being very important for writing really high quality haiku in English.
Next:
spring air - (condition/situation)
woven moon (sudden perception)
and plum scent
This is a great example of the set-up aspect of haiku and also its brevity in English. It however employs 2,2,2 as its “beat” which works out fairly well… but not quite like the rhythm found in the Japanese haiku in their native language which is more, as mentioned earlier, a 2,3,2 “beat”.
spring air-
woven moon beams
and plum scent
This provides the closest feel to what the Japanese haijin are achieving in the haiku. Subtle, but interesting. And, effective.
This is a very important study as if we continue to use something so rudimentary and archaic as 5,7,5 as the “rule” of haiku we may disturb the feel and intent of haiku as well as make it difficult to write in other languages. Regarding haiku and their purpose, the count isn’t as important (not even close) as to how it works in the tradition of haiku in Japanese. It seems, if we really want to write a perfect haiku, we must learn the Japanese language and write it in that language. That would be best of all. However, that might not be practical for everyone who wants to enjoy writing a haiku experience. So, we must work hard at understanding haiku in Japanese and do our very, very best to emulate it in our own language.
The haijin witnesses a moment in time. He then looks it over…. hones in on it and attempts to relate that scene to a haiku moment: situation/observation juxtaposed against a revelation – something about the scene that is striking, a revelation. These revelations are sometimes stronger…. more juxtaposed than others, but there is always that feel to it; which by the way, eliminates the possibility of writing a run-on sentence – a very important issue (not to do).
Once the “essence” of haiku is understood, we can get passed the 5,7,5 thought (in English) and delve into the real aspects of haiku that makes them great…. that gives them structure with quality juxtaposition and contrasting elements. In doing that, we can begin to write them in any language from French, Chinese, German, Tagolog, Farci, Russian and on and on. Can you imagine the syllable problems in doing this? What a mess. However, once a haijin understands the true values within the haiku – what the Japanese haiku is really about and why people bother to write it, it can be written excellently in any language and with similar brevity, a most important aspect.
I’ve recently read many German haiku, several French ones and a dozen Spanish ones. The linking factor is not the 5,7,5 “count” but rather the way the moment was translated by the haijin so the reader could, indeed, enjoy the moment the haijin witnessed. And, to ponder the resonance the haijin meant to leave behind by the way he set the haiku up. Wonderful in any language.
It is important for us, for non Japanese speaking haijin, to delve into the real study of haiku and how it works: from trapping the reader’s mind, to brevity, a single breath reading and to the “set-up” and how it grabs the reader in the end. In this poetry style’s case, the style isn’t necessarily in the "syllable" count but rather in all the other factors that come into play to write a really fine haiku. In the end, the essence is its formal structure and the rest are the techniques to bring it out properly in any language.
This is again brief, but I hope to delve into this issue deeper and deeper so all of us at Allpoetry gain insight to the essence of haiku and not just stick to the stalwart linear perception taught us in grade school English classes.
For more information, please read my other columns on the subject.
with my best wishes to all,
Don
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So, is personification okay in a haiku then?? It seems to be used in some of them.
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In the strictest since no.... but it is done. However, when entering international contests and such, it will never be considered a quality haiku.... it will never place.
Poetic devices were really never part of haiku... but rather they were intended to be simple reports with resonance by buddhist monks who wrote them.
I do run an Advanced Haiku class where we explore poetry devices in haiku and have a great time. Some of these are becoming more acceptable as time goes by in the fields of experts. Many are still rejected... but they are interesting and fun to write.
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Wow! So helpful and informative... especially when you say it's the 2-3-2 and not the 5-7-5 that counts. I have a better idea of how to write haikus now... thanks!
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wow more 101
Don nicely done
I can greatly feel the realignment needed by the the 'one breath brevity' and the '2-3-2 beats' for the true orientation; of what's being made rather than 5-7-5 syllables that often punches the unbulky punch line feel.
the indispensable aspect of "situation/observation juxtaposed against a revelation" was well outlined. one question, when you say gazer goes towards this as he "zens in on it" does this equate to meditates? as etymologically generally connected? Thus simply letting initial glimpse sink in the mind for what else is noticed? It seems intuitive it's nothing more than intently analyzing, until it flows out for a trim forcefulness of a soft intersection. of mental sorts then, but I thought I'd ask what individual involvement is practicing.
fonder with understanding,
also called -
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The folks that wrote these little gems, haiku, were most often zen buddhists and were acutely in tune with their environment. They learned the art of brevity and clarity.... they learned how to write about nature without adding to it or interfering with it. In a way, they were in a constant state of zen.
Great comment you left me. Thanks.
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I've already quoted the 2/3/2 beat idea to my fellow haijins.
spring air-
a woven moon beams
and plum scent
Should "a" be deleted here? Beams is plural, and I believe it's a noun, not a verb. At least it sounds better as a noun:
spring air-
woven moon beams
and plum scent -
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Hi there.... thanks for the great comment. Go ahead and remove "a" as you are right about that.... also, moonbeams is one word and a noun. The rhythm of this one is awesome and you have yet proven again that the "beat" of the haiku is indeed more important than the "syllable count'... this one is very Basho.... well done. I also like 1/3/2 as the beat form as well.
Nice write.
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I am learning the more I read. Thank you.
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YaY.... then keep on reading!!!
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while i accept the inherent "clumsiness" in transferring poetical style to a different language i am under the belief that true poetry loses nothing but nothing in the translation. i think this is because poetry deals with a more abstract language than straight language, and concepts linked together as the poet links them communicates more subtely than the strictures of prose.... on the same note i find the most powerful of poetry to be the briefest.... my favourite example of this is our long-winded milton when he wrote in a supposed fit of ecstacy: "fix ye here ye overdated spheres that wing the restless foote of time!"
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Thanks for coming by.... appreciate the comment.
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Akun Da Ta Shamingo.
We all worry now.
Make sense of the violence. -
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Thanks for commenting.
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Don
Thank you. I'm beginning to see just how much I've been boxed in by the 5-7-5 challenge.
I've down loaded your 'in depth study' for future reference.
Shenton -
Greetings Don, I am new around here.
Thanks so much for passing this information on. The Haiku is fun to write and pleasing to read. -
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Welcome aboard. Glad you liked the column!
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Hi Don,
Thanks for sharing this information and insight on aligning a true sense of Haiku with the english language. Fascinating stuff!
Thanks
Mark -
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Thanks Mark.....
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Hi Don,
Another fine article with still something extra to learn from.
Thanks
Wim -
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Thanks....
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I see one very basic obstacle to the English-speaking writer when it comes to haiku. When one doesn't speak Japanese, trying to grasp the differences becomes an increasingly frustrating exercise. By comparison, English is a very cumbersome language; Japanese uses very few articles, contains no irregular verbs, and just, in essence, is able to convey a message in far fewer words than can usually be managed in English even when stripped down to a hopelessly ungrammatical form.
I'm going to take a class in Japanese...out of sheer frustration. (Everything I know about it so far, I learned reading 'Shogun'.)
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You're absolutely right. I've been engrossed in reading experts of translation and what they have come up against. This column reflects a great deal of that study. It's the essence of haiku we need to "trap" and however we do it in our language is suggested as fine. Each language may have to work toward the haiku effort differently, but if the character of the haiku is kept in tact, then it is still and always will be haiku.
The one ingredient that must be there is the relationship between "situation and revelation" with the revelation offering a slight to great juxtaposition. This is absolutely necessary in structure to haiku. Secondly, brevity.... to be read out loud in one breath is such a standing tradition we absolutely cannot ignore that principle.
Thirdly, common words and the abstaining from using poetic devices are all part of the equation.
Haiku are indeed haiku, in any language, if the core principles are followed. 5,7,5 is NOT a core principle and never was. It was "deemed" that way by educators of the time that didn't fully understand that onji and syllables were entirely different specie.
Thanks for your great comment.
I always enjoy seeing you pop by....... best health to you as well, friend.
Don -
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Shameful for me to use your column to solicit you...but I'd be interested in your take on my own latest attempt.
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LOLL
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Oh dear...I hope that wasn't the crit!
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hehe.... the crit is in the mail as we speak - right on the dang haiku!!! hahahaaaaa
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This column is a godsend.
As a poet who wants only to improve writing haiku, this is incredibly helpful to me. I love that I can read your columns, Don, and walk away with far more knowledge then I walked in with, especially regarding haiku, which I have a passion for reading. Bravo!!! I'm really excited about learning to write better haiku. Your teachings are greatly appreciated. Don
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Thanks. Your comment is greatly appreciated.
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informative
well done Don!
this is a good, informative article. i agree totally with all the points expressed within it.
i hope this makes sense to all those who still persist with the out-moded 5.7.5 format.
PS there are a few typos in your article.
It should help anyone that (replace that with who)is serious about trying to improve their haiku - in any language.
In Japanese, only 9 to 11 words are need (ed) to make the entire haiku at 5,7,5 while
A three line haiku with two accents in the first line; three in the second and two in the third would match the Japanese style to the (omit 'to the')perfectly.
and it rambles on it absurdity (?????)with too large of an image to still be called a haiku rather than a simple poem.
yours in haiku,
myron.
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Thanks Myron.... I appreciate the comment and the edits. Good eye, friend. I've made the changes. Much appreciated.
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