The Internet is a wonderful tool. And it has many uses. It also has a dark side...and I'm writing about it here.
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm talking about Internet relationships. I consider myself lucky in that I've made several good friends on the Internet. But by the same token, I know people who've had bad times on the Net. One area that concerns me is internet dating/relationships. Especially on the site. I've lost count of the number of times people have been bitching about their online bf/gf in the chatterbox/chatroom.
Internet relationships have several flaws...I'll outline some of them here.
1) Regardless of how long you have been talking to a person, You don't really know them. You know what they tell you. So, for instance, if that person at chickens@hotmail.com says they are 19 and from New Zealend, there isn't an easy way of verifying that information.
If one of your friends sends you a picture...how do you know they haven't altered it in any way? Or that they are who they say they are? Anyone can find and use an image and claim they are that person
Short answer. You can't.
Longer answer And coming from a nerd. YOU CAN'T. Oh SURE companies can trace a connection, but at the end of the day, you have to take people's word for it. And we all know how reliable that is. One of the strongest human influences is to exaggerate situations in order to imprint emotions onto people.
2) The problem of timezones and distance. For instance, and I'll be open and honest here, most of my close friends are in the USA. Closely followed by Ireland...which is in the same tiemzone as the UK.
As one of my friends said to me, "It is hard to hold a conversation when you pass like 2 ships in the night because someone is always going to work/school when the other person is just getting up or home"
3) Internet predators. Don't go jumping up and down when you read this. The statistics are that 1 in 5 children is abducted as a result of a relationship started online. This ties in with point #1, that you NEVER know who people are online. You know what they want you to know. How do you know, for example that John that you're talking to on MSN isn't some beer guzzling, 70 yr old pervert, with a beer belly dangling over his trousers, when he claims to be 30 and looking for somebody?
In answer to a question by Tough Cookie, 'How can you get abducted', I'm not sure I can answer that, but if you 'fall in love' with somebody online, you'd be willing to do anything if it means being with them. Case in point, a friend of mine in Ireland was going to drop everything to move to NZ to be with somebody he met online.
4) It doesn't matter how many months or years you have talked to a person 'online' you can never really know that person, or 'fall in love' with them.
Yes it gives you a good idea of a person, and you can become extremely good friends. And yes, you can love the person whom you have pictured in your mind.
But none of that will ever replace actually meeting a person face to face. To get to know them as a real person in real life, rather than just words typed on a screen. If you feel like you're 'falling in love' with somebody, sit back, take a break from the computer and think 'do I really love this person, or are they just words on a screen?'
5) All relationships are built on trust. You cannot trust where you have no proof through the anonymity of the internet.
Chatting online, is a reasonable start possibly to get to know a person, but, you cannot commit to someone without really knowing them in person.
Where you can see for yourself that they are who they are, and then like any normal relationship in real life, you can take it from there to make real friends with that person.
Anything other than that is far too risky to your heartstrings and so often leads to heartache and upsets
So, now I've touched on 5 disadvantages of internet dating...
The brilliant AnnD helped with this column and came up with a list of what you can do to stay safe...
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/695302 <-- The link
REMEMBER! INTERNET DATING CAN NEVER REPLACE A REAL RELATIONSHIP
Internet relationships. Heed the advice in this column. Written with help from AnnD
Add a comment
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
so true....
-
Oh, and don't take my words personally. Just have strong feelings on the matter.
Not to say I'm any more right than you. -
Well, this thing does make the assumption that a person you meet in person is almost automatically trustworthy, compared with someone on the internet being automatically untrustworthy.
On the love issue, I must say that I'd be happier knowing that I loved someone for who they were [or wanted me to think they are, but when it comes to it, words are always words whether written or spoken. The only difference is that maybe the person at the other end isn't physically what they claim.] rather than loving them because they have a nice ass, and I like their pheromones. Oh, and they offer sex on a plate.
So I think that you can no more trust a person you've met's words than those of a person on the internet.
Even if you cannot totally trust that the other person is a man/woman and of the age said.
I had more to say, but I don't feel like saying it
Anyway, my best friend's boyfriend she met over the internet. And she lives with him for half the week now [living in different cities] -
Good and sound advice
Thanks to you for sharing. Keep writing. Your writing becomes more effective and concise with practice.
I am checking to see how we can figure how many reads your essay gets. I think one way to increase the number of readers is to use the shameful promotion device.
I wish you all the best, good philosopher and poet. -
i really enjoyed reading this
however when you do meet nice people online
its really not hard to feel stronger emotions towards them...
now i dont mean love as in being in love
and its hard because they ARE just a screen when you feel like they are your best friend at times
but yeah i agree with this
internet relationships...are a bust most of the time...i mean sometimes they work if both parties are extremely committed...but with the long distance...one or both are going to have to pick up and move...its a really difficult subject to be positive about...lol
*snugs*
-
That is really true, raven....the fact of the matter is that so many people fall in love on the intenet and then they get hurt.
Then again, whether or not you beleive in true love, there is always that fact that some people can fall in love even if they are an ocean apart. -
Dear Crazy Raven, here are my opinions as requested:
I have put some alterations in brackets so that they are easy to see.
2) The problem of timezones and distance. For instance, and I'll be open and honest here, most of my close friends are in the USA. Closely followed by Ireland. Ireland is a LOT closer and in the same timezone, (UNLIKE) the USA.
This next sentence doesn't read well:
3) Internet predators. Don't go jumping up and down when you read this. The statistics are that (1 in 5 children is abducted online.)
Perhaps it could read :
1 in 5 children are abducted as a result of a relationship started online.
? - Afterall, how can you be abducted online?
I must be honest and say that it would have been much better, in my humble opinion, to have seen a two sided/well balanced arguement about online relationships rather than just the cons of the issue.
It seems to have turned into a rant of someone who has himself been victim to an unsuccessful internet relationship - somebody who sounds very paranoid too.
Sarah (aka Tough Cookie)
-
-
I'm updating the column to take into account the criticism
It is hard to write a balanced argument about it, I was looking up several two-sided arguments whilst writing it and they all were skewed in favour of one side.
CR
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
