Juliet's Last words (judges comments)

I competed in a bardic competition last weekend.
Dramatic piece - Juliet's Last Words.

The poem was a variation on an acrostic. I used Juliet's last words as the last word on each line.

Yea noise, then I'll be brief. O happy dagger this is thy sheath; there rust and let me die.

Below are the judges comments.

http://allpoetry.com/poem/445664
DeMolay, Jacques (1244?-1313)

http://allpoetry.com/poem/449984
Romeo's Last words

http://allpoetry.com/poem/450371
Juliet's Last words

Juliet's last words

How can I be in this quandary, yea?
They come, can you hear the noise?

I will give myself unto his love then,
To this joy of my heart I give my soul. I'll
Let to his guidence my choices be
As our time on this world together, brief.

Oh families who hate and leave love to not. O,
Friends who could never see two as happy,
To all I present my end with sharpened dagger!
You who have driven young love to this
And by your actions have taken the best that is.
Seething hatred for memory not, that is thy.
My soul will join his as my body becomes sheath;

Smooth the entry and not much pain there
As my broken heart bleeds, saddened rust.
Cold, my hands cold, I lay myself down and
Against his body my weary head let.
I cry tears for how short his love for me.
They come now, only to watch me die.

John Macandrew



Judges comments

Juliet’s Last words

1. Performance and interpretation (18/30)
- Good, clear speaking. Perhaps more work on the flow of lines and vocal articulation, more drama. (6/10)
- Found this to be more a poem with dramatic subject than a dramatic work. Needed more drama in the delivery. (5/10)
- This piece would be better performed if
- it was off book (memorized). I found it to be not very dramatic. IE: engaging the audience. The subject was very dramatic itself. Fun to hear. (7/10)

2. Technical ability (21/30)
- See one. (6/10)
- More inflection and changes to the tone/volume needed to bring out the drama of this piece. (6/10)
- This style I find to be high in difficulty. A well written piece. (9/10)

3. Documentation (21/30)
- I know you were not planning on competing this weekend .Thanks for the verbal documentation. (5/10)
- Interesting poetic form. I knew about front line acrostics but long end line. Obviously a good grasp on the background of poetry. (8/10)
- Oral presentation of documentation very well presented. Your knowledge is broad. I suggest concrete written but you know your stuff. ((8/10)

4. Overall impression and discretionary points (48/60)
- I enjoyed the historical aspects and intrigue and I like the incorporation of the period with the original piece. Loved the puzzle. (15/20)
- Drama does not refer just to content – more to delivery of the content. You need to address this. This is very difficult form technically, especially when you are trying to match a period style. You did a wonderful job of this. (15/20)
- Well written, well done, lovely. I would love to see more of a performance of this piece as it a good piece for it. Thank you for pursing poetry. (18/20)

Totals 32/50, 34/50, and 42/50.