The saying is "you never stop loving your first love" which isn't really true because I've had many boyfriends I could careless about now. The last one though, which ended February 2nd, after two months.
From what I've learned he tried everything in his power to make me be the one to break us up, to save me the heartbreak, well thanks but it didn't exactly work. He pissed me off so bad I could have killed him, but I didn't because I thought that if I could last through this, maybe this could be something amazing. I was wrong.
I have this thing where I don't want to have sex until I'm married, I admit very old fashion. But I have this thing where I let my lovers sleep with other people. Seeing as how I'll never sleep with them anyways and if I know about it, it doesn't hurt me. Its a crazy thing, I know my friends have already yelled at me for it. But honestly, I'm in high school I'm not looking for marriage, if I find it, then I do, but this isn't the 50s and I probably will be 56 and alone. No cats, only 1. And maybe a goldfish.
I did everything in my power to try and make him stay. I don't know why, well actually I do. he was my best friend and if I lost him I'd lose my boyfriend and the person who knows all my secrets. I'm 15, so that should hurt right? It did. For the first time in my life I understand to some extent what exactly those writers were screaming about.
I mean, everyone writes off songs about teenage love and angst as 'silly little slit your wrist emo songs' but it fucking hurts.
It hurts more when they quit talking to you completely after the break up, oh yeah the break up.
It was over the phone. I called him yelling about how he was flirting with this girl. Well not just any girl. The girl I hate, and trust me I don't hate people often. During that fight he told me a number of things:
A) I'm clingy
I'm so pathetic he dated me for reboundC) He never loved me (even after I begged him not to tell me unless he meant it.)
D) Everything was over. Our friendship, our relationship, everything.
We spent the next 3 months ignoring the shit out of each other. And darling I'm amazing at that. The only problem was, I needed closure. I mean hanging up and crying for 4 days deserves something. yes people, I'm that girl. The one you shake your head at and say "she was too attached." and I was. It sucked to have the best thing in your life ripped right from your finger tips. Once you get a taste of pure happiness you never wanna let it go. But you can't always get that, thus Pete Wentz is able to write his masterpieces.
The ONLY thing that got me through those months with wrists intact was my music. Colour me cliche' but I'm still alive. Famous Last Words is currently playing as I type this and it gives me the spirit to attempt to write this all.
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