From warm spring-like weather here in Chicago, to a winter storm blazing around me as I speak. I guess I can never get a break, can never find a sense of normalcy. Nothing seems to fit anymore. Everything is tilted or twisted in some way. Hence the font for my words. Nothing is really as it seems and it hurts to know that you're the only person willing to be honest in a world of decite and hate.
Why does everything always have to happen durring the week?
A school day is never normal when you're in love with a boy who doesn't love you back, but instead pushes you, hurts you physically and mentally. Abusive to an extent that my heart keeps going back to him.
Fifthteen year olds shouldn't feel this way in this day and age.
Caught between who you really are and who society wants you to be. A struggle of mind and media. Of yourself and friends. Or you're moral and what they want you to be.
How can you say no to an angel face like his? How can you say no to a girl who you used to be best friends with? I feel like I'm going against all my beleifs even though I'm really not.
Tramatizing facts settle in and my head throbs with too much sleep and insomia at the same time. Stomach churns from going from maybe one "meal" a day to eating a whole meal. Eyes hover as you pass them by, whispers go from one ear to the other as the teacher leaves the room, all eyes on you, you're head bows onto the desk as you pretend not to notcie that everyone is talking about you, everyone hates you, everyone dislikes you.
Except, of course, for a few real friends that are close to your heart, but aren't close enough to home to tell them what you really do.
Scared of rejection like everyother human being combines all of us under one sense of normalcy.
Desiring love from a boyfriend, heart aches growing as time passes, rememebering how it felt to feel loved, to be held, to hold hands and recive hugs from someone that liked you for you.
New look, new me? No, same me, maybe that's the problem.
X
Ashley
written February 24,2007
Adding your comment:
