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A friend of mine wrote a shit of paper of essay. anyone can help her change it into a sheet of paper of essay. thanks. ^_^
my email is lindajj87@hotmail.com
“Why are you always in a state of uncertainty?” once, after reading my essay about Nietzsche, my friend asked me, staring straight into my eyes. I smiled. Uncertainty. This is probably the best word that can define me.
Life to me has always been a mystery. Sometimes I just don’t know how to deal with all my insecurities and unresolved emotions. When I confront eternal loneliness in cicadas’ song in summer afternoon, when I listen to roar of the river to reminisce world end, I cannot find any language to describe. People laugh, tear, make efforts for a better life. They meditate, jump to conclusions, and mark labels for everything, but how to face the silence of the life? Some inner states are totally different from simple emotions like pleasure and pain, but it is these fundamental states constitute our lives. Many times like this I was overtaken by a burning desire to recite a poem, or dance, but I find that what I can only do is to fight, rather than to explain.
Why bother to explain? Maybe I should eliminate rationalistic prejudices to convince myself, that the world is a process of self-creation and self-destruction without purpose and ration. Despite these, many other uncertainty trouble me together. Can we fully understand ourselves? Our memory is in utter disorder by success and failure. We are rarely honest with our nature. We fear long-term painful inner thinking, ashamed of being misunderstood, always eager to set a little purpose and maintain the comfort of following rules. Can we explore for ultimate truth? By which way can we reach the true meaning of life, abstract logical thinking or sincere spiritual experience? Can we find the perfect balance of reason and affections? Also, without sacrificing self-characteristics, can we reach a genuine understanding and sympathy between people? It seemed that the more I read and experienced, the more confused and adrift I feel.
Over the years, however, I do observe in my life a transition from uncertainty to certainty.
On a quiet afternoon I read Woolf’s words, “To whom can I expose the urgency of my own passion? There is nobody- here among these grey arches, and moaning pigeons, and cheerful games and tradition and emulation, all so skilfully organized to prevent feeling alone.” I was struck by the feeling that there is another part of me waiting to be discovered. But reflect on my life, I see only obsession with success. I study hard out of fear for failure, I serve as the monitor because I was instilled the conviction that excellent person should be the leader. All I did was to follow the pattern. I dare not venture. I was overtaken by a deep sense of fear, fearing of being defined too early. I look at this noisy world; everyone is settled in their convictions and at perfect ease. I was inevitably startled by the basic but vital question: which life attitude should I choose? Should I be a realist full of firm sight, hard work ethics, positive and even blind optimism, or idealist with sensitive heart to insight into world, pursue metaphysical truth and concern inner life? Should I accept my limitations rationally, or seek my potentials arbitrarily, even do stupid things? Is strong or soft should I choose? Strong or soft?
And then there came the unconscious awakening. When I worked in Student Union, I couldn’t feel more certain about myself. I know in my guts that I want to do something different. I want to create. I want to even lead a revolutionary without any hint of formalism. My mission lies waiting for me: to win trust from every single ordinary student and restore ultimate humanitarian concern with real people, by way of doing pragmatic things: popularization of new commonweal concept; reform of corporatist systems of our school, gaining more space for extra-curricular activities under China’s pushing education system; promoting student’s sense of social responsibility. I hope that my idea can not only change the Student Union which I preside, but also become a legacy. Strong or soft? I discover that I have already made a choice. I am becoming strong AND soft. Perhaps my initiative simply resulted from a blind pursuit of being a out-standing student, but these years I have finally realized the true value as a leader: it enables me to turn my passion into reality. I discover the drawbacks of the seemingly well-established extra-curricular activities system; anger incites me to action; my sense of duty drives me to seek change; I spread my ideas and lead friends around to work hard and strive to have an impact. The knowledge that I am doing good to the well-being of the whole society just make me feel so fulfilled and grounded. Simultaneously I don’t give up the inner exploration. I can still listen to the whisper of my inner soul, immerse myself in silent meditation over metaphysical questions, and refuse blind obeisance to some faith. I follow my most essential nature – the insecure self in me.
I continue my journey, following where my heart leads me. But there are times when simple creature like I face the nothingness of routine life and the grandness of the universe, I feel the need to resort to dancing. I used to be the person who lived with intense reading and writing, but suddenly I feel like I can only be rescued by moments when I stand in my skins and fly. I want to emote with body, not words. I said to my friend, teach me how to dance.
At the moment when I stand before the big mirror in the dancing room, I feel enlightened. I find that my growth is neither acceptance nor denial, but rather a process of incessant integration. I see clearly what I was instilled before I even realized. It makes me feel disillusioned just to think of how much blind pursuit has controlled my life. But with the passage of time these pursuits demonstrate their significance for me. I also realize my own limitations, so I re-examine myself and look forward to go beyond my perceived limits. This self-perception is never at all stagnant. Perhaps I will continue to overthrow the present me, but the meaning of life just lies in self-transcendence.
If certainty does exist, that will be the knowledge that, I am born limited, and I shall explore everything, face everything.
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Rewrite this to replace the 'that's' :
"If certainty does exist, that will be the knowledge that, I am born limited..."
Delete the rest. -
I agree with arafura; simplify.
The last sentence says it all.
Or everything and everything that matters.
Take that into account, I did re-write this presentation, purely as a "thought-experiment" for myself.
I was originally unwilling to present to you my re-write simply because I felt that you may have been a student looking for someone else to write you presentation for you, or at least to improve your 'best-presented' essay to your instructor.
Then, after going through your presentation and checking the page you have presented to us to view, I became even more recitent towards presenting this to you. Simply because the adaption of what you have presented through my point of view becomes possibly more liberal that that of your society or government.
Presenting such a piece to you may be dangerous to you AND your friend.
There are at least six other people (including arafura) on this site monitoring this thread (purely out of curiosity at least), if you can convince them that you will be safe from non-liberal dictation and are not looking for a better than C grade on you term paper, I might be convinced to provide you with my re-write of the paper you have presented.
Good luck (especially as most won't agree with my transcription),
Adrian.
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i truly want to see
my friend is a high school student. she wrote the essay for the purpose of applying Brown University. i'm sure your advise can help her. hoping to see your re-write essay. thankyou.
^_^ -
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Fine then, my re-write is posted below, please be aware that my grammar can most certainly be improved upon.
I focused mostly on paragraph structure and line spacing, as well as using the appropriate words for the context they are placed in.
You should also know that I am not, nor have I ever been, a university student, so what I write may not be completely appropriate.
So, here goes:
---------------------
Once, after reading and essay I wrote on Neitzche, my friend stared straight into my eyes and asked me,"Why are you always in a state of uncertainty?"
I smiled...uncertainty.
Probably the best word to describe me
The nature of the word describes my life, for life has always been a mystery to me. How is it that I deal with all of my insecurities and unresolved emotional responses.
When I confront the 'eternal lonliness' of a cicadas song on a summer afternoon, or hear the roaring river portent the ending of the world, I find it hard to find the pure language to express the feelings they describe to me.
People laugh and they cry, all directed towrds their dream of a better life: They meditate and label things, they jump to conclusions; all to face off against the silence that is living.
Inner states often seem totally different from the basic emotions of pleasure and pain, but it is these states that constitute our lives. Often, when exposed to these inner states, I have been overtaken by a burning desire to recite poetry or to dance.
Yet, in doing so, I find that I am fighting rather than explaining.
Why should I bother to expain?
Should I instead eliminate my rationalistic predjudices to convince myself that the world is a process of self-destruction and re-creation without pupose and reason?
Many other uncertainties trouble me as well:Can we fully understand ourselves? Can we explore, and seek to obtain, "Ultimate Truth"? Can we find a balance between reason and affectation?
More importantly can we, without self-sacrificing our own characteristics, reach a genuine level of understanding and sympathy between different peoples?
Our individual memories are a patina of disordered sucess and failure. We are, as a result, rarely honest in our nature. We fear long-term inner thought and are scared of misunderstandings. We are eager to be set upon a purpose and are comfortable in the following of rules. We seek, within these self-imposed boundaries,to reach toward the true meaning of life, the hight of abstract thinking or the expression of a sincere spiritual experience.
Yet, it seems, that the more I read and the more I have experienced, the more that that experience causes me confusion and makes me feel more and more adrift.
Still, over the years, my life appears to be a transition from uncertainty towards certainty.
On one quiet afternoon I read Woofs' words, "To whon can I expose the urgency of my own passion? There is nobody - here among these grey arches, and moaning pidgeons, and cheerful games and tradition and emulation, all so skillfully organized to prevent feeling alone."
It struck me that there was a whole other part of me waiting to be discovered. I reflected upon myself and found only an obsession with success. I studied hard; I served the watchers because I was instilled with the conviction that the most excellent should lead. All I did was follow the pattern, fearful that venturing beyond would define "Me" too early.
I looked at this noisy world, at everybody settled in their convictions and at ease. I was startled into the the perception of the vital question:
Should I be a 'realist'; full of hard work ethic, determined vision and positive. potentially 'blind', optimism, or should I be an 'idealist' of sensitive heart and insight, pursuing metaphysical truth within my internal life?
Or, perhaps, should I consider my limitations rationally? Should I seek my potentials arbitrarily, maybe even do 'stupid' things?
Is it 'strong ' or 'soft' that I should choose?
'Strong' or 'Soft'?
The came an 'unconscious awakening'; when I worked in the student union I could not feel more certain about myself. I knew, in my 'guts', that I wanted to do something different.
I wanted to create, I wanted even to lead a revolutionary force without any direction of "formalism".
My mission was clear to me: Win the trust of every single student and so to restore the ulitimate humanitarian concern to real people.
To do pragmatic things; popularise a new commonwealth concept, reform the corporatist system of our education program in the hope of obtaining greater extra-curricular activities under my societies directed education program and, in doing so, promoting these student's sense of social responsibility.
It is my hope that my ideas can not also change the nature of the student union in which I preside, I seek also to leave a legacy that can affect the nature of the whole of the community that I am a part of.
'Strong' or 'soft'?
The choices presented to me, yet where two have been presented I find that I have already made a descision...a third option not mentioned; "strong" AND "soft" at the same time.
Perhaps my initiative is simply a result of the blind pusuit of being an outstanding student, but over the years I have learnt the value of being a leader; the ability to turn my passion into reality.
So I discovered the draw-backs of a well establised activities system. Anger incites me to action, my sense of duty drives me to seek change. I spread my ideas amongst my friends and lead them to work hard and strive to make an impact.
The knowledge that I have the well-being of the whole society makes me feel fulfilled and grounded, I still listen to the inner self that is ME, still immerse myself in silent meditation over metaphysical questions, and still refuse faith-bound blind obesiance.
I follow my most essential nature...the insecure self that is, in essence, ME.
So, upon my continued journey, I follow the path that my heart leads me on. There are times when the simple creature that "I" am faces the nothingness that is the routine of life and compares it against the grandness of the universe and cannot do anything but feel the need to pulsate.
I was once the person who lived with the intense need to read and to write but suddenly I find myself rescued by the moments when I can just stand bare-skinned with my spirit flying.
I want to emote with my body, not just my words. I asked my friend, "teach me how to dance."
The moment in which I stand before the great mirror in the training room I feel enlightened; I feel my growth in not just 'acceptance' or 'denial', but rather a process of incessant integration.
I see clearly what has been instilled upon me before I had even realised, this makes me disillusioned to think about how much blind pursuit has directed my life. Yet these pursuits, over time, have demonstrated their signifigance to me.
I re-examine myself and in doing so I look forward to going beyond my percieved limits, my self-perception is never stagnant.
Perhaps I will continue to over-throw the present me; perhaps the meaning of life lies within self-transcendance.
If certainty does exist it is in the knowledge that I am born limited.
And although I am born limited I know that I can explore all things, that I can face all that presents itself to me...with certainty.
-----------------
I hope it helps.
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I think you should help.
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Stop worrying about reading philosophers. Read 20th and 21st century novels - and the newspapers.
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Hang out in bars, drink ice tea and listen. Never write anything longer than what will fit on a cocktail napkin.
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rewrite this in half as many words
if you do
I might bother taking it apart -
Paragraphing, either block with a blank line between or indented, should be there to organize the content.
("organise" in Usage.) -
Your suggestion would certainly make it more readable. I have to confess I find it daunting and have not yet read but maybe that's a reflection on me rather than on the writer.
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MarsSharkeet
Oct 25 12:51 PM
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