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So now I'm just a shell..


  • RyaMage
    Oct 8 4:30 PM
    Reply
    SO i realized today, I'm no longer me. I've shoved that little innocent sweet foolish girl down and built a cage around her. She started to fade out like an old photograph. Now I'm just a shell. Eating, sleeping, drinking, breathing, doing schoolwork, and pretending everythings ok. I think I serisouly need counsiling or something. I had a break down in class last year. God, what should I do? I refuse to admit to anyone everything I'm going through. How do I get help, then? I dunno, I'm just really confused, and I reconize I need help. I need that little girl back, I need to be her. But where has she gone? Where that faded out photo, with her playing in the mud? Flipping over rocks to look for bugs and lizards? Her with her cousins playing at the Mystic Carousel that was her faveorite place in the world? Where'd that little girl go, where is she when I need her? Why can't I be her?

  • MinorSolfege
    October 8
    Reply
    Oh. I suppose this explains... nothing. What?

  • HotRod
    October 8
    Reply
    Hi I'm Earth, have we met?

    • RyaMage
      October 8
      Reply
      Clearly not. L.O ,, oh, I mean Rodimus.

  • Benjamin Lucas
    October 8
    Reply
    "Speaking words of wisdom... let it beeeeee... let it be."

    • Capitaine Rouge
      October 8
      Reply
      No! Not that song! Pick a better one!

      • midna77
        October 8
        Reply
        PLEASE!!! i hate that let it be stuff...ugh what a depressing song!!!

        • Capitaine Rouge
          October 8
          Reply
          Don't bite me. I didn't start singing it!

          ♪I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
          everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves,
          I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
          and this is how it goes . . . ♪

      • midna77
        October 8
        Reply
        Seems like u can talk about it, u just told us...anyway, im sort off like that, i lost that innocent girl, but not 100%. She's lost, but not gone. Has anything happened that's different that made the girl go hide? Or are u just changing and can't find ur place? I may seem like a pro, but im not. I just have A LOT of experiece with other people's problems. I know im great...yay

        • Capitaine Rouge
          October 8
          Reply
          I don't think this was a reply to me, was it? 'Cause I didn't just tell anybody I lost my "innocent girl". I don't know . . .

      • Benji Ballerina
        October 9
        Reply
        Whaddya talkin' about? That song is beautiful!

    • ixtli
      October 8
      Reply
      ♪"Let it be! Let it be! Oh let it be! Speaking words of wisom, let it be (let it be)" ♪

    • Subliminal Spam
      October 9
      Reply
      Aretha Franklin's cover of that is fabulous.

  • -BlackKnight-
    October 8
    Reply
    Go away.

  • ixtli
    October 8
    Reply
    Everyone struggles with this. That little innocent girl isn't gone. She's part of who you are. She is you, only younger. Everything you've ever been through, every phase or trial, is part of who you are now. Don't forget it.

    • RyaMage
      October 9
      Reply
      I know that.. things will send me back.... A scent, a scene, a word, and I'll try to hold onto it for only so long. I have to stop myself, Its like when someone dies and all you have left of them is an article of clothing...and when you miss them you bury your nose in the shirt and jacket or whatever it is, and hold it close, its like going to smell the sweet smell, and its gone. I want that smell back, I want the sweater to be the same, I want that little girl back from inside the shell.

  • IxAMxUNICORN
    October 8
    Reply
    "I refuse to admit to anyone everything I'm going through"

    So... we don't count?
    You seem to educate your fellow forum people on everything you're going through rather well.

  • Officer chelsea
    October 8
    Reply
    Welcome to Growing Up.

  • positive anarchy
    October 8
    Reply
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s0SuYgxqIg
    Hide in your Shell...
    ~Hippie

  • AllWeAreIsBullets
    October 8
    Reply
    I recently had a very difficult struggle with this, so don't feel alone. What I did was I told just ONE friend, and it was really hard to tell her, but just admit it to one person. That one person will make a big difference. It gets easier little by little from there when you talk to that person and eventually you wont be afraid to be helped anymore.

    Thats just what I did. I am a very closed up person and I think I grew up a bit too fast because of things I dealt with like you are.

    Don't be afraid to leave that little girl you once were behind, and don't be afraid to admit it and ask for help either.

    <3
    u have my support & luv :]

    • RyaMage
      October 9
      Reply
      I tried! I truly did! She just rolled her eyes at me and said I was stupid. And This is my BEST FRIEND!

      • midna77
        October 9
        Reply
        i would say wat adults say "then they're not ur friend", but that isn't tru...well THAT'S not my advice. u can always ask one of us because as u said, we're not the real world, honestly i could help u out if u gave me some specifics like what happened, when did the girl go away, etc. if u can't tell me on the message board,send me a message or an e-mail. Like AreWeAllBullets said, u have our love&support

      • AllWeAreIsBullets
        October 9
        Reply
        Well I'm always here for you but that might not help too much since I'm not physically there with you and sometimes it just doesn't work great online, but also I would suggest a support group. I go to this teen place that has one and it helps me a lot.

        I'm really sorry your best friend did something like that to you but maybe you should confront her about that and tell her how horrible you feel about it. I hope eventually your friend will understand you, but if she can't you should really find a support group. I couldn't live without mine :]

        <3 <3 <3

  • Skeletons
    October 8
    Reply
    That girl's not gone, just growing up and putting on the big girl panties.

    But on a completely different topic, did you get my reply that I sent you?

  • Iambenign
    October 9
    Reply
    Nobody cares.

  • ShackledXTemptress
    October 9
    Reply
    I'm imagining you sitting at your computer, writing this "topic," and this little girl comes up, taps you on the arm and...

    knocks you out..

    You wake up and POOF! You're cured...

    Meditate...it makes everything better.

    Imagine a HUGE dumpster. Dump all your problems in it, shut the lid and lock it. Then throw away the key. Float to a little prairie with a tree and a creek going through it. Lean against the tree and eat an apple while dipping your feet in the stream. Feel the pebbles and the cool water rush over your toes. Relax...

    Man. Just writing this made me want to relax. This is what I do when I meditate. It helps, it really does.

    • Benjamin Lucas
      October 9
      Reply
      That sounds like a terrible nightmare.


    • midna77
      October 9
      Reply
      know it sounds stupids but meditating DOES do u wonders after im done i feel like i can take on the world!! put on relaxing music or a some that helps u relax (preferably one w/o words but that's me) and think! the mind does wonders i just told u and someone once told me that, and it's tru

  • UnderTheWeepingMoon
    October 9
    Reply
    As confused as you say you are, the answer is pretty much always very simple. The little girl is exactly where you left her. Let go of what you're not and be who you are with no apologies to anyone.

  • Calanthe
    October 10
    Reply
    Oh for goodness' sake. You can't just suddenly "grow up". It happens gradually, so that you really don't notice.

    Furthermore, "growing up" is not a painful process in which you lose somthing. It is simply a transition into having more knowledge and more experience and more understanding.

    Stop plaguing us with your "I've-suddenly-grown-up" faux profundities, and maybe you will grow up in more desirable way.

    • PreposterousPanties
      October 11
      Reply
      I realised I'd grown up suddenly. It was the moment someone leant over me in high pants and low jeans and I didn't feel an insatiable urge to tug the pants up their back. Ahh, the sweet scent of maturity.

  • Chickpea
    October 10
    Reply
    Growing up is hard. Perhaps you feel like you are leaving behind an identity but you haven't got a new one you are comfortable in to climb into? I felt like that. I found that if you just focus on the positives of what you are doing now that you didn't use to do it can help. A greater ability to recognise the world around you perhaps? Maybe some new skills you have learnt? Or are learning? or could learn but haven't yet.
    Just a suggestion.
    Anything you always wanted to do but haven't had the courage? I'd do that now so you can be proud of the new you.
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