Bird on the wire• Show poetry

I'm Bird on the Wire

Aged 52, soon to be 53 (or dead), is there a difference!

Currently residing in Co Antrim, Northern Ireland

I started writing poetry on the Plentyoffish - dating site / poetry forum in the hope of finding an intelligent, beautiful woman will low self-esteme and no taste. Alas and alack my hopes after 18 months where shattered. After the moderators on the POF site decided that my behaviour was unacceptable (I asked the owner to make a charitable donation and criticised the moderators for banning a fellow member - my language may have been just a tad to critical and from memory some choice words were raised in support of freedom of speech and civil liberties!) they in their infinite wisdom decided to ban me. So my one and only claim to fame is that i have been banned from posing on the POF poetry forum!

Hence my arrival on this site. I still have a Bird on the Wire, Profile page on the dating Site on which I post "rhyming rants" - which are my speciality and scare the bejezzus out of all the local women.

I am, I believe - but have no supporting information at all to back up my claims from the long historical Ulster -Scots school of crap writers. Poets who write from the gut whilst sitting on the bog. Inspiration therefore for me is derived from the harmonic motions of shitting - hence it has been acknowledged throughout the land that i write shite. Believe it or not some people (academic critics) seem to see this as some sort of problem. I on the other hand wear it as a badge of honour. I write carp, i think carp and my "prose / poems / odes / epic rants" are rhyming crap.

You have now just spent two minutes of your time reading crap! Please ask yourself then why perhaps shite - the waste material from two orifices in the body has a humourous attentive element to it that engages even the most knowledgable of men. (Oh by the way - I write only from the male perspective to address the tedium of listening to wailing feminists disparage the dominant male in all his glory)

My spelling like my writing and thinking process is also shite - but it seems to cause many on this site frustration and complete vexation and hence serves a purpose, why use a speel-check facilitiy when you can get eegits (who can speel but not think) to do it for you!

Please don't send me compliments or brownie points - i won't be over enamoured with anyone who has any sort of empathy with a crap writer - naked photos of yourself (if a woman - ONLY IF BETWEEN SIZE 8 AND SIZE 14 - SEND ME PHOTOS OVER SIZE 14 AND YOU'RE DEAD!!! - I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF I OFFEND THIS IS MY SITE, MY SITE - ALL MINE DO YOU HEAR, ALL MINNNNEEEEEEEE!) (ADDENDUM- NO NAKED PHOTOS OF WOMAN WITH HAIRY ARSES, HAIRY CHESTS OR BUMS HANGING ON THE GROUND, NO PHOTOS OF ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 35 OR OVER THE AGE OF 50 - NAKED PHOTOS OF NUNS AND PENELOPE CRUZ ARE ESPECIALLY WELCOME) are entirely in order and contrary to popular misleading opinion , extremely politically correct. if you're a man - go away! No I mean it if you are from the male gender, piss off! I hate men, they're disgusting vile creatures who only want women for their own warped and sorrid sexual desries and fantasies - so if you are male, on MY page and reading this - why are you not reading some woman's page - are you stupid, gay, thick, Irish!

Also none of this fecking crap about AP daughters, lovers, grannies, mothers, sons, brothers - I'm a fecking ORPHAN - Now all that remains is for me to wish you welcome and wish you well for within these pages you'll be entering hell.

Oh - Should anyone woman really want to offend me and send me naked photos of herself, I shall be suitably offended but not insulted. Any sick men who even so much send me a photo fully clothed will be damned for all time. I know where to stick the pins in voodoo dolls to really hurt. Don't anyone however send me any of your crappy poems to read. Your poems are crap - just get use to it. My poems are crap but at least i can stand my own stench! Reading back at some (most if not all) of own my written garbish, I have come to the conclusion all on this site are a bunch of egotistic losers and self seeking sychopantic morons who would be better of sitting watching the X factor. But I don't really wish to be judgemental. Yes if I had a middle name it would be "Non-judgemental"

Next shit that volunteers me to judge, co-judge or comment on any other crap written by any other moron on this site will suffer the death of a 1000 odes - all mine!

I wish you well!!!

Bird

Monetary donations are now being gladly accepted - contact Bird via Salvation Army, Belfast Brigade.

PS - I DON'T DO QUICKIES - DON'T ASK, REFUSAL ONLY OFFENDS - I DO EPICS AND ODES AND WRITE OF TOADS IF YOU WANT SOMETHING QUICK GO TO A SMALL LAD WITH A ****************************************** -interactive particpation part)