Annwilliams• Show poetry

"Dont take life so seriously, after all, there aint ever been any one that has ever made it out alive"

Hi- my name is Ann Williams, and I am currently a senior at a high school in a small town in maine, blah blah... I have a simple life on the outside, but due to a chaotic and extra-dramatizing childhood, my life on the inside is far too complicated to put into words. I once tried to explain it to my dad. Hes not my real dad, so hes not one of the reasons as to why I hate my life. But, I told him that my head is like a messy and cluttered room. You've got a mess in one corner and another in the other corner, and you've got all these little messes strewed all over the place. Well, you know that its supposed to be cleaned up, but you just dont know where to start. Which is more important? Which one is the most serious? Any ways, that's what its like inside my head. From my early years, I have been scarred and damaged with sexual, verbal, pyhsical and emotional abuse, and if you read my poetry, you'll learn some about that.

I was diagnosed with PTSD (post dramatic stress disorder- something that is typical after years of fighting in a war... :-( ) and major depression disorder. I have been fighting these disorders now for atleast 2 years, and nothing seems to work. Medications do, but I seem to become immune to them. I never realized how much they effected me until about a month ago- when I had an emergency appointment with my counseler, followed by one with my phsyciatrist the following week, and they explained to me that all the suicidal thoughts and flash backs from my childhood were symptoms of these disorders. I dont think that I have ever been that discouraged. Its my sr. year, and alls I want is to graduate and make something out of my life, not fight the memories and depression until the day of my death. I got even MORE sad when they told me that in my case, with my personality (i.e., not being able to let things go, and such... ) MDD would probably not go away. But, they took me off my highly addictive medication (Zyprexa) and now I am trying zoloft.

As I write this, I sit in a room full of immiture freshmans.... Please, some body wont you help me...

Other then my whole life story, I have a pretty good life. I just have to suck up the disorders and deal with it. Take it one day at a time. Thats pretty easy, because I have to most amazing boyfriend in the world. We've only been together for just a couple of months, but I feel like we have grown up together. When I am with him, my body does things that I never thought possible. Hes the most incredible person in my life, and throughout my life time-line. He makes me feel like there is a reason to live, and I dont think that life would be as great right now, had I not have met him there in the "monson's robinson's" that day, and flirted JUST a wee bit.... I love you hun, you are the best!!!

I guess thats all...

Thanks for looking at my site, and if you made it through all that, then I envy you...