Alco• Show poetry

I live in Rapid City, SD. Born and raised. Well, for the most part. I grew up primarily on the reservation, my family moved to Rapid City in October 1988. I briefly moved to Granite City, IL, (for a year and a half) with my exhusband, then moved back and divorced him. For good reason. If you read some of my writes, you will understand why. I will leave it at that.
I am now married to a wonderful man named Rob, for over 6yrs now. We've been together over 7yrs. I have 2 wonderful children, a daughter, Alexandria, age 13, and a son, Cody, age 10. They are my world. I fought the justice system against my ex for 4yrs for my baby girl, but ultimately, the case was dismissed. Alex has until the age of 25 to bring back the charges, if the memories come back in full, and if she chooses to take that path. It may be best to just lay it to rest and move on with her life, as she is doing exceptionally well, emotionally, socially, academically, and so on and so forth.
I currently do not work, I am on disability. I have schizoaffective disorder. I am half schizophrenic; half bipolar. Throw in an anxiety disorder, major depression, the fact that I started cutting myself when I was 15yrs old, and it makes it kinda hard to hold a job. Many people judge me because of this; people have a hard time believing that mental illness is real.
My daughter also has Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. She takes medication; Abilify is all she is on now. She was also on Trazadone, but it had too bad of a carry over effect. She was on Topomax for a long time. Topomax causes memory loss in children. Part of the reason we couldn't go to trial. She is my savior; I was 17 when I got pregnant with her. She saved me from a life of wild partying.
My son has Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, ODD, and Aspergers. What I didn't know, but learned when we switched his psychiatrist last month and he had a psych eval, is that 68% of boys who are initially dx'd with ADHD at an earyly age, are later dx'd with ODD. That is an interesting fact to know. He takes Clonodine and Invega. He can't tolerate any ADHD medication, and it's not worth the side effects to try any more. He can be quite a handful at times, but is a wiz at math. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.
I suppose I've gabbed enough; if you want to know anything about me; email me!
I believe everything happens for a reason. It may not be apparent at the time; but in God's time. I've been dealt this deck of cards for a reason; I've not had an easy life. The things my husband and I have been through in our short 6yrs would easily tear any marraige apart. But we lean on each other, and look to God. You do the same, or find what works for you. And thank God for poetry, it's such a good outlet! Peace be with you.
Update on my son Cody...he has been doing fabulous...he seem happy...for the first time in i don't know how long. he just wants to be home, with us, us meaning Mom, Rob,(my husband, his step-dad), Alex(sissy). I am elated. To see a genuine smile on his face, to hear his laughter, to feel his affection...
My daughter is also doing fabulous...she has recently stopped going to counseling, she had been going for four long years, and she is so emotionally well balanced for all that she had been through, we felt(we meaning her and i) it was time for her move on to the next chapter in her life. I mean, the ultimate goal of therapy, is to eventually get out of therapy. I've been in therapy, off and on, since I was 15yrs old...I'm now 30 yrs old...with no near end in sight. one day though...03/07
Well, my daughter has returned to therapy, at the end of the summer, she had a breakdown of sorts. I contacted the victims assistace coordinator for our county, she is a good friend of mine, and asked her for a referal to a good therapist for my girl, and the one she recommended is just amazing, her and my daughter are a wonderful match. I hope it helps.
10-06-07:My son seems to be struggling...IDK if it's related to starting the Adderall XR, or what it is, he's just been a mess, emotionally. Lots of crying spells, tantrums, blatent disrespect towards my husband and I, etc. IDK what to make of this.
10-24-07: We have discontinued the Adderall XR for my son. It just wasn't worth the side effects. I also will not allow his psychiatrist to try him on any other ADHD medications. It is just not worth the trial and error process a psychiatrist typically goes through when trying to find a medication that works for a patient. I don't think any ADHD medications will "work" for my son, as side effects make them unable for him to tolerate them.
Also, today is my 31st birthday. I am officially old.

Blah...Cody was back in the psychiatric unit for 8 days. He had gone to stay w/his dad for 9 days, and his dad thinks he doesn't need his medication, therefore he doesn't give it to him. He tells Cody that's he's old enough to be responsible enough to remember to take his medication himself. Bull. Cody's a 10yr old child, with several impairments, and it is the responsibility of the adult who's caring for him to personally administer his meds to him.
Cody got to come home yesterday from the psych unit, and his meds are different now. He's on Risperdal Consta, the injectable form of Risperdal, so that he'll at least have some medication in his system when he's at his dads. So he has to get the injections every two weeks.(in the butt!) He's also now on Depakote ER, to help stabilize his moods better. He's still on the Clonidine, and the Ditropan to help him not wet the bed. He's also still on the Invega until April 10th, to give time for the Risperdal Consta to get into his system and start working. And it's that time of year again for seasonal allergies for which he takes Singulair. So...let's add this up. 8 pills/day, and 1 injection every two weeks. That sucks! But, I hope it helps. I really do. This is the fourth time he's been in the psych unit in only two years.
October 18th, 2008

We decided to cut back Cody's Depakote ER, he was really sleepy all the time. He was on 750mgs, he's now on 500mg. We also, at the advice of his psychiatrists' nurse, discontinued the Risperdal Consta. She said that there is absolutely no way his psychiatrist would keep Cody on it, and Cody had an appt with him the following week anyway. His dr put him back on the Invega rather than deciding to go with the Risperdal Consta. Cody also started an after school program for adolescents with emotional/behavioral issues, he goes three days/wk. It does seem to be helping.
Alex is having a pretty difficult time. She's crying all the time. She didn't go to school Friday bcuz she couldn't stop crying. Yesterday, Monday, she called from school and I went & picked her up, again she couldn't stop crying. IDK what to do to help her. I know with Bipolar Disorder, even when a person takes their meds, they still cycle. I think she is on a really bad low. We talk alot, and she does alot of worrying. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. She doesn't want to go to therapy, she has yet to meet a therapist she likes every since the kids' favorite therapist moved her practice to Denver. She has an appointment with her psychiatrist on May 6th, I hope he can help me brain storm how to best help my baby girl.
April 22nd, 2008
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**cHiLd AbUsE iS wRoNg - We NeEd To ChAnGe ThE wOrLd**
My name is Sarah I am but three,
My eyes are swollen I cannot see,
I must be stupid I must be bad,
What else could have made My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice
So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound! I just heard a car
My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse My name he calls
I press myself Against the wall.
I try and hide From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more
I finally get free And I run for the door.
He's already locked it And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late
His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy Murdered me

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HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG

*I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
*I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
*I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
*We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
*I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
*I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
*I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
*I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
*We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
*I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
*I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
*I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
*I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
*I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
*I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
*I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
*I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
*I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
*I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
REPOST THIS ON YOUR AUTHOR PAGE IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG!
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*A girl and guy were speeding, on a motorcycle, over 90 mph on the road..
Girl: Slow down. I’m scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it’s not. Please, it’s too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It’s bugging me.
(In the paper the next day)
A motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn’t want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.
...._*If you love someone this much put this on your site*_//

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Jason Michael Carroll- Alyssa Lies

My little girl met a new friend,
just the other day,
on the playground at school
between the tires and the swings

But she came home with tear-filled eyes,
and she said to me "Daddy, Alyssa lies"

Well I just brushed it off at first,
'cause I didn't know
how much my little girl had been hurt
or the things she had seen.
I wasn't ready when I said "You can tell me"
and she said...

"Alyssa lies to the classroom,
Alyssa lies everyday at school,
Alyssa lies to the teachers
as she tries to cover every bruise"

My little girl laid her head down that night
to go to sleep.
As I stepped out the room
I heard her say a prayer so soft and sweet
"God bless my mom and my Dad
and my new friend, Alyssa
oh I know she needs you bad

Because Alyssa lies to the classroom,
Alyssa lies everyday at school,
Alyssa lies to the teachers
as she tries to cover every bruise"

I had the worst night of sleep in years
as I tried to think of a way to calm her fears
I knew just what it was I had to do
I knew exactly what I had to do
but when we got to school on Monday
I heard the news

My little girl asked me why everybody looked so sad
the lump in my throat grew bigger
with every question that she asked.
Until I felt the tears run down my face
and I told her
that Alyssa wouldn't be at school today

'Cause she doesn't lie in the classroom
she doesn't lie anymore at school
Alyssa lies with Jesus
because there's nothin' anyone would do

Tears filled my eyes
when my little girl asked me why
Alyssa lies
Oh Daddy, oh Daddy tell me why
Alyssa lies

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[[Put This On Your Page If you Were Abused Or Are Against Any Form Of It!]]

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Month One
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of
your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your
heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could
definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home
though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three
You know what Mommy, I'm a girl !! I hope that makes you happy. I always want
you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad
too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a
lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my
fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it
too.

Month Five
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a
baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion

Month Six
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it?
It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!! No .

Month Seven
Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. he is holding me. He told me about
abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never
see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never
run. One more mouth that will never speak.

......Abortion can cause alot of pain...think about the consequences and the fact that you will have guilt with you throughout your life.....Think about the babies...

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(x) Smoked a cigarette
(x) Drank so much you threw up (Only Once!!!)
(X) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) Been arrested
(_) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
(X) Seen someone die
(_) Been to Canada
(_) Been to Florida
(_) Been to Mexico
(_) Been on a plane
(_) Been lost
(_) Been on the opposite side of the country
(_) Gone to Washington , DC
(_) Swam in the ocean
(X) Felt like dying....
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(_) Recently colored with crayons
(_) Sang karaoke badly
(X) paid for a meal with only coins
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) Made prank phone calls
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Laughed until liquid came out of the other end
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(x) Danced in the rain
(_) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(_) Made a bonfire on the beach
(_) Crashed a party
(X) Gone roller-skating
(X) Ice-skating

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(\ /)
(O.o)
(>" >)
/_|_\
hElP eViL bUnNy
On HiS wAy To
WoRlD dOmInAtIoN

A shot to kill the pain
A pill to drain the shame
A purge to stop the gain
A cut to break the vein
A smoke to ease the crave
A drink to win the game
An addictions an addiction
Because it always hurts the same

A BLACK man walked into a cafe early one morning noticing he was the only black person in there! As he sat down he noticed a WHITE man who sat down beside him who said: "Coloured people are not allowed in here!" The BLACK man replied,
"When I was born I was BLACK!
When I grew up, I was BLACK!
When I'm sick I'm BLACK!
When I'm in the sun, I'm BLACK!
When I'm cold I'm BLACK!
"When I die I'm BLACK!
BUT YOU SIR!...
"WHEN YOU WERE BORN YOU WERE Pink!"
"WHEN YOUR SICK YOU TURN green!"
"WHEN YOU STAY IN THE SUN YOUR red!"
"WHEN YOUR COLD YOU TURN blue!"
"WHEN YOU DIE YOU TURN gray!"
"AND YET YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY I'M COLORED AND DIS MY COLOUR!" THE BLACK MAN TURNED AROUND AND THE WHITE MAN WALKED AWAY!


A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little
girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said
"did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a
safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector
light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there
sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the
dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

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Some of the stuff on my page is pretty serious sh*t, some of it is comical, but all of it is relative to humanity, and the way us humans relate to each other. It isn't always nice, it isn't always "pretty", it isn't always a bed of roses or a bowl of cherries. It's just life. We take it as it comes.

For any one who want to join my friends list on myspace, message me, bcuz you need to know either my last name or my hubby's email address. Just the options we chose for privacy purposes.