Loved this contest...all the entries had me rolling. Thank you for the laughs!
My faves were...
Gold Trophy - Balldinger 2. How many goat nipples did you have to suck before the ink spilled out of your pen and onto the page, and why are there horns protruding from your forhead and fuzz growing on your chin?
Silver Trophy - Oneluckygirl 1. Did I tell you I just had a colonoscopy? Well, I'll spare you all the details but believe me it was a rebirth! I now see Jesus in the silliest of places. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of rewriting the Bible... give those staunch believers a spiritual enema so to speak. Oh, shit! Did I forget to say... good write?
Bronze Trophy - Unca Goat
Please copy your comment onto a poem page and enter it in my trophy awarding contest - allpoetry.com/Contest/2215283 See author's notes for contest details... | |
| 2. your assault on the written word is appalling you have sodomized poetry with a rusty prong. | |
| 1.You have spelled (Insert English/American word which matches nationality of writer but not critiquer) wrong | |
| I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but this poem is oral diarrhea. | |
| 1. Good poem. I like it. | |
| 2. Yes, you may be perfect in every other way but your spelling is shit and your typing horrendous. Use the bloody spell check !!!! | |
| ummm...babysitter off duty? Toddlers get ahold of the keyboard again did they? ummm yeah...good job! | |
| 2.'I cut to take away the pain'Bullshit!You're only flippen 13years old! Give life a freaking chance! Jesus! | |
| 2.Your chaotic oops! poetic journey is an abject tour into hell's lane with the devil's pen in hand,and for cacophony be damned for the superb rhymes that do not | |
| 2. What the F@%^ were you thinking? | |
| 2. Who dressed you this morning? | |
| 2. Dear God! Have you no pride? The man has a wife for goodness sake and I hardly think he's going to leave his entire life based on how far up his ass you can crawl. | |
| 2. I think your fingers have a lisp | |
| 2. um.. you shouldn't even invite comments on this piece? | |
| First you tell me this nasty poem isn't about me. "but", I say, "my name is plastered all over the damn verse!" "Subtlety isn't your strong point!" | |
| 2. Hmm. it would seem that either the zoo is missing a monkey, or the local mental ward is again allowing clients to use the computers. Do YOU even KNOW what you are trying to say or did you overdose on lithium? | |
| 1. You're oozing so much adoration, my hand is stuck to my thigh, But nowhere in these platitudes have you provided a convincing WHY. | |
| 2. For the diarrhea on my screen you have sprayed may you reach for Preparation H and grab the Ben-Gay | |
| 2. WTF??? If I had a dog as ugly as this snivelling piece of drivel, I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!! | |
| 1. Seduce me with your flattery, you dirty devil. Obsequiousness always rings my bell. grrrrrrr.You'd have better luck juicing me if you admitted you didn't get it. | |
| 1. Umm, i'm a little confused here but, "what he said" yeah. Bronze Prize Winner 2. Your write here reminds be of the folk song "If I Had A Hammer." And if I did, I would use it to smash my computer for daring to show me such as this! | |
| 2. YOU CALL THIS POETRY???? In what realm of reality are you from??? Put the pen down before you hurt yourself! | |
| 2. I'd like to really know, since when is 'i' a word? Last time I checked, and since like kindergarten it is 'I'. | |
| Your poem really didn't appeal to me, but keep writing and maybe I'll find one that does! | |
| 2. Your writing has such a twisted aspect to it. In the future, please twist all such before throwing in the trash! | |
| 1. ...No comment. | |
| 1.Do me a favour and never put your poetic pen down 2. Do me a favour, put your poetic pen down- go outside and throw yourself into traffic | |
| 2. I cant believe I read all the way through that shit... | |
| 2. How many pages IS this write? It's a poem, not a short story. | |
| 2. You write to give all food for thought? Might I suggest that Syrup of Ipecac would be the most appropriate after ingesting such as this? | |
| 1. Nice poem | |
| 2. So your boyfriend left you because you became a slut and is now seeing a slut. | |
| Fetid, festering feces! Consider the purchase of a dictionary for crying out loud! | |
| 2. If your poetry is a gift, then where can I return it? or, I want my time back, because it's been waisted. | |
| 2. This cleanses my soul - like a colonoscopy. | |
| 2. has any one ever said to you, "Did you ever stop to think..." From what you have written here, I suggest that you go ahead and start thinking again. | |
| Silver Prize Winner 1. Did I tell you I just had a colonoscopy? Well, I'll spare you all the details but believe me it was a rebirth! I now see Jesus in the silliest of places. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of rewriting the Bible... give those staunch believers a spiritual enema so to speak. Oh, shit! Did I forget to say... good write? | |
| 2.Flattered I am, honestly, truly complimentary that I have robbed you of the ability to critique this intelligently. | |
| 2.Maybe I need to print this out and hold it up in front of a mirror | |
| 1.This was kinda good but some of the rhyming seemed forced. | |
| 2. WTF??? I pay good, hard-earned money to enjoy this site and I have to put up with this kind of crap??????? | |
| 1. OMFG LOL THIS IS SSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. I WISH I COULD WRITE LIKE THIS. YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. You are EXACTLY what is wrong with the world today. | |
| 1} i never conciered etiehr of thsoe chocies, moel ike luck i sorr t char i fdrunky as ehelllllllll beyesszzzz... | |
| 2. Why yes, I can think of one thing you could do that would greatly improve this write.... Delete it! | |
| 2. My dad always said, “It’s better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I think you should listen to my dad. | |
| 2. Bartender, QUICK! Five shots of OldPoetry to restore my sense of taste. | |
| 2. You might want to consider changing your font colour - I can still see your words 1. I'm too full of emotion right now, I will come back and comment later 2.Do you have buck teeth? | |
| 2.Truthfully I think your poem is garbage. You should have thrown it away rather than post it. I would not even call it a poem except for the fact that you can call just about anything a poem and people will believe you (take a look at any of the b.s. that Ive posted as proof). Things around here have changed since I first joined the site, too many of these bunnyty poets get their feelings hurt and bunny to someone to have people booted, obviously some take themselves too seriously. That is why I chose not to leave you a simple comment like "this sucks" or "quit writing you moron", instead I left you what the poem left with me and if it is not what you were trying to get across then that is your fault. I hate it when half whits write a retarded poem and then get all pissy with me because of their failure. Don't try subtle insults as a way to justify your lack of talent, practice more and shut the bunny up. | |
| 2.shock cry I can't read! I can't read! Oh god I'm o.k. it's just your sTiCky cApS, did you lern them at skool? | |
| 2. Have you ever read "The Divine Comedy" by Dante? You may have heard of it as Dante's Inferno where he describes the nine circles of hell. I just want to say that thanks to your post, I know know what being there is like. | |
| 2 In over 4 years on this site there is something I’ve always wanted to say but I’ve always refrained BUT I’m making your poem the exception: WTF is this about? | |
| 2. Have you ever read "The Divine Comedy" by Dante? You may have heard of it as Dante's Inferno where he describes the nine circles of hell. I just want to say that thanks to your post, I know know what being there is like. | |
| You cannot spell, you cannot rhyme Your poem is a waste of time I've never read such loathsome shite In all, a truly awesome write | |
| 2. Your way of write reminds me of something my father always told me: "If you can't say something good, don't say anything." | |
| 1.mutch pain,it will be okay cus i believe in happy endings Yea, which has about nothing to do with anything | |
| 2.You've tried going up a downward escalator and more than once - I can tell | |
| 2.reply to XYZ on poem ABC: Boy when you stroke you really take a firm grip and go from bottom to tip!! Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you keep doing that you'll go blind?! I've seen some stroking in my time, but this gives new meaning to the blind leading the blind! | |
| This is soooo AWESOME!!!!! | |
| 2. You People got to be kidding me......you read a poem and applaud it just because ten morons before you have applauded it...this poem filled with fifty cent words you dont understand or take the time to go look them up makes you look more the fool than the one who wrote the poem........If you take the time to look them up...translating the words.....You just might end up reconsidering your applause.....seeing the poem dont make sense.......sparing yourself embarrisment of being illiterate too.... | |
| 1.Superb! Heartfelt! Interesting! Terrific! Now just use the first letter of every word to see what I really think! | |
| hmmm....gotta give you credit where credit is due... you have proven the theory that the speed of light is quicker then the speed of sound....You appeared quite bright until you opened your mouth! | |
| 2. I have been reading over some of your other posts and just feel that I have to comment..... Your mother regrets having you for a child, doesn't she. | |
| 1. Sensationally Terrific! Understatedly Penned! Intrinsically Delightful! | |
| 1. This sounds like something you would write at three in the morning. Though i can't seem to find any hint of crappiness in it. | |
| Gold Prize Winner 2. How many goat nipples did you have to suck before the ink spilled out of your pen and onto the page, and why are there horns protruding from your forhead and fuzz growing on your chin? | |
| 2. There is something about reading this work that leaves me feeling so.....soiled...... | |
| 2. After reading all 487 stanzas, I think I can honestly say that at least one of us doesn't get it. | |
| 1. reply to XYZ on ABC's poem....How is it you can tell this poet Wow,amazing! Great use of metaphors,etc, etc. when it is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors! Have you no shame! If there was a Wall of Shame for comments your's would surely have the number one spot as the poet who blows smoke up your butt for points! | |
| 2.You know that anquished noise you get when you sit on a whole pineapple? that's what I was thinking of as I forced myself to read to the last line ... | |
| 2.I wonder if you talk the same way you spell... 2. Oh woe is me...boo friggin hoo | |
| 2. Believe me when I say that I have read a LOT of poetry in my time and I would just like to tell you that this poem is right up there with the best of them...but that would be a lie. 2. Since you invite a critical review, I'll offer what I can: It's shit. | |
| So you think you wrote a great poem huh? Well I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong! | |
| Your poem left me gobsmacked, you should think of taking it to Vegas and leave it there, after decontamination of course,perhaps grave digging would be a better hobby for you,or toilet cleaner in a dysentery hospital in the Congo,as you seem very qualified in this subject. | |
| I was always taught that if I could not say something nice, than not to say anyting at all, but in this case, i have to go against that even! If I could find anything good to say about this, i would be lying to myself as well as you, and since i don't lie, this is the worst thing i have ever read!!!!!! Don't know what makes you think you can write, cause obviously you can't! | |
| 1. My favorite part was [insert entire poem here] | |
| 2. You need to put this piece in a drawer and not look at it for a year, and don't subject anyone else to looking at it either. | |
| 2. what crack were you F@%^&ING | |
| 2. So, you say you are the artistic child of artistic parents, huh? May I ask if your parents were Tiny Tim and Yoko Ono? | |
| sweety happy get mommy to show you how to "delete this poem" before you waste anyone else's time grin | |
| 1. coooooool OMG that was soooooooooooooooooo good!! i wish i cud rite like u. could you please read my poem #####......... | |
| (2) Upon reading this so-called 'poem', several things ran through my mind, none of which were that this could be considered poetry in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Even if I were able to overlook the improper grammar, the way you have butchered the English language, the inept attempts at spelling, the improper use of all punctuation, and the catastrophicly horrendous misuse of every word that has more than four letters, I still would not be able to decipher what you are trying to say. In what corner, of what gutter, on what planet is this considered to be poetry? I, personally do not think a place so vile could exist, nor do I think anyone, anywhere, at any time would call this poetry, EVER! I do, however, consider this to be the most mundane, and idiotic piece of drivel that I have ever had the unfortunate displeasure of TRYING to read. I have never seen anything this horrible, or read anything this rank in my entire 35 years on this planet. I sincerely hope that your thoughts are not as trite, nonsensical, and uneducated as this write, and if so, you have my full sympathy, and daily prayers. The only thing I can suggest at this point, is for you to delete this 'poem' immediately, and never, ever, under any circumstance subject anybody to anything this moronic for as long as you shall live. Honestly, haven't we suffered enough already? | |
| 2. Since I do believe in reincarnation, I know who you are. Torquemada has come back to try another round at torturing the innocents. | |
| 1 This is a comment I got on a poem about a love lost at another site: OMG This is so sad. Now a BMW I love. Got one? | |
| 1. I don't really know what it's about, but I really Like it! | |
| 1. I'm angoraphobic so I can really relate to this. Good job. 2. So sorry to hear that. Do your symptoms extend to sweaters, cats and Turks or are they just confined to rabbits? hug, Harvey | |
| 2. I know what you mean. I can totally relate! Once when i felt that no one loved me i stuck my finger into a Handy Dandy Dicer on purpose and guess what? The friggin piece of K-tel shit didn't work! So that depressed me even futher so i got the nail clippers and cut my finger nail way too short so that it would bleed - you should have seen it ..all crooked like and when i squeezed it , there was blood. | |
| 2. This diverse dichotomy of words and phrases you have penned here really exprsses only one thing to me..... You REALLY DON"T have a clue, do you? | |
| If God had wanted you to write, he'd of blessed you with talent.. and this piece of crap stinks to high heaven.. | |
| 2. You haven't quit your day job yet have you? | |
| 1.This is a bit too didactic for my taste. The innocence of children is more a result of their lack of soul- thus their reputed unselfishness. But observing children (or else read the perspicacious studies of melanie klein) it becomes clear that they are violent, self-centred, as often as they are playful and giving. Our idealizations tend to gloss over this empirical fact. I appreciate your sentiment: as an ideal. But thought can also be liberatory. Thought is not in itself bad- it helps humanity overcome its situation, and to critique those in power who abuse this world. Is not poetry itself, as language, as communcication, a special variety of thought? Thinking that we can encircle the mutable mystery of life with thought is still one of humanities greatest crimes, squashing and bashing existence to fit an ideal. | |
| oh.............my..................god! speechless,ok well you could change the first stanza and the second word in the forth stanza is misspelled oh,one more thing,too many syllables | |
| Our thinking must be open ended, plyed with the trembled breath apprehension before one engages all that cannot be thought: love. We do not make the loved other anything other than what he or she is: we love them as they are, for we cannot on them find a bottom, and into this depthless abyss we may safely fall and be selfless and inexplicable. | |
| 1. 'Interesting... in a good way' whats that supposed to mean? 2. I'm sorry, have you actually heard of the English language? | |
| like an endless pit of poetry bliss i opened the page than there was this some how the devil gave this page a kiss, driping with blood oh what did we miss |
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but we do have wicked thoughts...leastwise i do.
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