Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Addline: The Gentle Parent's Toolbox

MargaretG
I am an advocate of non-violent child discipline. The toolbox of gentle parents includes limits, natural and logical consequences and many other teaching methods. Tell me how you have helped your children grow through their childhood years to become pleasant and responsible people.

DelWarrenLivingstonI overheard my little six-year-old lying to his Mom.
I took him in his room and told him I knew he was lying,
then I took his Game Boy from him, presumably for a week.
At the end of the week he asked for it back.  I said "NO!"
He promptly reminded me I had said a week and the week was up.  I sat him on the edge of the bed and looked him in the eye and said "Sorry,I guess lied." In just a few minutes I saw him with his arms around his Mom, tearfully apologizing to her for lying.  I scooped him up, gave him a big hug and handed him his Game Boy back...lesson learned.
hugh wylesI have tried to raise my children with love, hugs, example and explanation. I have tried to be a good father to them.
Mary KI admire your stand on this and feel very strongly about non violent child rearing also. Contemplating how good works and kindnesses affect our lives and others is the biggest and first tool. With misbehavior....As you say there is a natural consequence of every action and choice. I have focused strongly on this and added to it with verbal prodding to empathize with others whose lives we have touched by our wrongs. (Periods where we discuss putting ourselves in other's shoes.) When started early and used consistently this seems to have been a very good tool, inspiring self examination as well as looking hard at other's feelings. To be honest, other than making things right with the offended person (apologies or atonements), 'time outs' which I prefer to call 'thinking time'and discussions (and with older children writing essays that apply to the offenses) that has been the whole focus of my discipline. I have two exceptionally compassionate daughters so this method seems to have worked for me. Thank you for starting this thought provoking add line!
misselaineousI guess I just tried to do it differently to my own up-bringing, love, love and more love, mixed with boundaries, honesty and a safe and non-abusive place to grow-up. I don't always get it right [she is now 20 and he is 13], but i say so and we work through stuff together.  I have rules about honesty and being kind to each other, and saying sorry ~ that's a big one! I expect their respect and they get mine ~ by doing and being fair and respectful back. I say 'no' when hounded and explain why. I get called grumpy but explain everyone has an 'off-day'.  I sat and read to them as babies, and we still learn together.  I have re-parented myself through loving my children and I am glad I have had the opportunity...
KeithThey say 'spare the rod, spoil the child'
Make your punishment gentle and mild,
Which makes acres of sense:-
But when one feels tense,
One may reach for the rod, and go wild.

The world can be violent and cruel,
And unfair, as a general rule,
Many a human bean,
Is unpleasant and mean -
To mete justice may make one a fool.

So the child who is over-protected,
Finds a world which is not as expected,
And a certain amount,
Of unfairness, may count
Towards balance, and being elected,

To the level of wisdom and love.
Then the next generation may move,
To a level still higher,
Which is turn will inspire
A balance twixt eagle and dove.
PoetryalityMy children knew growing up that I would not strike them
They begged me to in their lack of discipline and obedience
I still wrapped my arms around them and punished them
After I explained; that without consequences for misdeeds
We never truly learn the lessons of the wrong we've done
They understood and were glad to avoid the ruler
But, I must confess that on ocassion they felt the
Fever of a hand upon their rumps
That hand tool was one of my better teachers
I've yet to spank my grandkids, and my own children
Think I have evolved into this kinder, gentler being
I agree.
pattyann4500I don't know how I ever learned it
certainly not from my own parents,
but I've always felt that consistency
in dicipline is very important.
Of course, not matter what consistency chosen
One with love is always best.
cutiepieI have reared six children by the golden rule of "Lead by example", have time to listen and time to explain hug
SusanLI do not have children of my own but have taught sunday school and did tons of babysitting even as an adult.
2 rules I learned quickly - No must always mean no, and 'Why?' does not always need an answer.
iamfromaboveI have always treated my children with respect
Allowed small things to just pass by and explained why major issues upset me
After taking my children from an abusive homelife and 1 choosing to return to his father
they are now all with me and are healthy and happy
All i expect is honesty and i give them the freedom for their age and maturity
I have to pat myself on the back when teachers tell me what lovely children I have
and how much better they are doing now.
hugh wylesI say lay aside the rod and spare the child
and make your explanations clear but mild.
A child who's too much thrashed will only learn
to beat your grandkids when it comes his turn.

Join in!  Add to the addline:


Add a comment

    : Comment: