XxRaDiAnTtRaGeDyXx• Show poetry

Oh lord, what can I say about my life. There's really nothing that isn't already been said before, explained before. And sadly, this group is becoming more and more predominant. No one should feel so alone that they feel like the only answer is to cut themselves till they've bled to death.



My poetry reflects how I've felt for the past 4 years: lost and alone . I realize that so many kids move and lose all the friends they've had and they have to start over, they have to try again, but when you've stayed in one town for all of your life, it's hard to start over in a school that already has its cliques, its groups. When no one lets you in, it's easier to move into yourself and write. You mature faster and when people do let you in, they want to know why in the world you aren't more like them.



They call me talented , the ones who've read what I've written. They know nothing about me or my world. They have no idea what it's like to watch your family die one by one and watch your family's health deteriorate before your very eyes and you cannot do a damn thing to stop it. Most of them are sheltered from death and pain, but I've experienced it first hand. I lost my junior year to disease . A year of my life that could have been spent making memories that all my "friends" have.



No, I'm not part of the stereotype of cutters, but I don't belong either. Before recently, I wouldn't cut, because I've seen my friends and my family suffer from it. I don't smoke because I get to watch my grandpa kill himself slowly from the substance. And what's better, I get to watch my grandma suffer from lung infections and pneumonia from the second-hand smoke. I don't drink or do drugs because I've watched it destroy my sister's life, I've watched it squash her chance at a normal life. I don't belong to this world, and it's all because I moved from my shelter to open my eyes to my family's distress .



I try to portray my feelings about the world around me, about the secrets of the world around me through my stories. And as each day passes by, I wish I could escape, I wish that I could find one person who would actually listen to me and help me rid myself of this pain that I can't control anymore.



And when they need me , even though they aren't always accessible for me, I give them the support they need to grow because everyone deserves all the help they can get.



Most people aren't permitted to wake up to the truth.
Those who are, are doomed to be exiled and alone.



con todo poseo.

con todo mi amor.

con todo mi esperanza y tristeza.

con todo mi corazón.



Welcome to my world.




12/10/2008...

Much has changed since I last wrote here. My family still succumbs to health problems, but things are getting better in other aspects. I married in June this year to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I had a little boy in August of 2006, shortly before I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. He couldn't handle the pressure of parenthood, I guess. Still can't. I moved into my own home (well, my husband's and mine) after a long road trip to and from Daytona Beach. That was great! Wish we had had an extra week to stay and I can't wait to go back.

I've had writer's block for a while. I can't seem to finish the stories or poems that I start. It's always that way when your emotions are raw, but I was hoping that I would get past some of it. I'm hoping to shake it loose once I finish my Associate's degree next year. Maybe I'll finally have time to write. I have had a little time to read. The last series I read was the Twilight Saga (and really, I don't know what's wrong that people have to bash the series...). In the meantime, I've been trying to finish reading Brisingr.