Violet Hawthorne• Show poetry

First, and I decided I'm not going to hide this anymore from anyone on AP, I'm a psy-vampire. If you know all about psy vampires, then great. Maybe you can give me a few pointers considering I definatly don't know everything about it. If you dont know anything ask me and I'll answer to the best of my ability. But I will say this now, I'm not evil. Just remove the 'evil vampire' from your mind now and don't read on until you do.
thank you
Now I do have a bit of an obsession with my fictional counterparts. It comes with Awakening, many of us get obsessed. I'm even writing a book from the point of view of a vampire. Sithandra, the fictional version of myself.
While I'm being completely open I think I'll continue that. I've been saying I'm straight but thats come into question now, don't ask me about that unless I know you personally and I know I can trust you. There are three people on this site like that, you know who you are (kaite, if your on here, then there are four).
I'm not exactly very christian either, another thing that Ive started to question. I believe that there has to be someone somewhere keeping us all from killing eachother and blowing this world up but I cant believe that there is a god that would do some of the things the bible says, that just cant be possible in my eyes.
I'm single but only because I cant find someone thats like me. I love the Italian Renaissance, I love the art, the literature, everything. Art is a big part of my world. I could just sit and stare at any of Sandro Botticelli's paintings. I love musicals and plays. Opera is NOT fat women in togas and viking horns, its an art. A beautiful art and I love opera. Les Miserables, where do I start? Beautiful voices, beautiful set, beautiful costumes. I only wish I could have seen it on Broadway rather then youtube. Lea Salonga makes the best Eponine. One Day More has to be one of the best songs. I love dance, I've never been able to take classes but I don't think one has to have classes to be able to dance. Dance comes from the heart and I can dance. I'm pretty good at it.
If I had my way with style I would be dressing Gothic Aristocrat. Half of my mind is stuck somewhere is the Renaissance and the other half is in the Victorian times. Unfortanatly I cant dress that way entirely, Doesnt stop me from wearing a jabot when I feel like it, nor does it stop me from wearing a black frock coat.
Now I guess I shouldnt have divided my mind into halves because I like many modern things. Manga and anime ar epretty good, SOME anime. I havent seen a manga I really hated and though I'm not to wild about Naruto it does tend to get better everytime I read it. If you hate manga/anime though I'll shut up about it. Don't worry I rarely talk about it anyway. Besides I have a friend on here who hates it with the fire of a thousand suns (word for word as she says it), you know who you are, and I dont talk about it very much do I?
I was abused when I was younger, it changed my life alot. And, later, it started my writing. You can get the idea in some of my poems and stories. Though most of it is dramatized a lot of it is real and some is even word for word.
I'm learning Spanish and I want to learn Japanese or Italian, depends on where I decide to go to college. Japan or Italy. I am Italian but apan is probably the most advanced country when it comes to technology and fashion. I bet that I COULD dress gothic Aristocrat over there.
I know Aristocrat is the guy's style and lolita is the girls but I don't care. I like the guys better, you wont catch me in a lolita dress except at halloween I MIGHT. Cross dressing is probably the best case for me in the lolita/aristocrat area. I'd probably look like a freak in most of those dresses anyway.
My life is tied to my novel completely. It goes, I go. Its going well, I'm content. I started writing it when I had nothing, I even had to smuggle the pen and paper but then, it became my world. When life is just a little to much I pick up my pen or go to my computer and then I see through Sithandra's eyes. No, I'm not shizophrenic, or however you spell it, I know what is real and what is not.
Sithandra's lover, Romulus, is my lover as well. In my mind anyway. I know hes not real but hes everything that I could ever want in anyone. Sithandra trusts him with her life/death (shes a vampire remember?). And speaking of Sithandra she means alot to me as well, more. Shes my friend, my sister, my lover, and my mother all in one. I would give my world to make her real or even find a person like her. To her Romulus is her brother, her friend, and her lover. He's not her father, they know that. She calls him 'my lord' because Ive always wanted to call someone that. He's not royalty, its just a way of showing respect for them.
If you want to know more about me, just ask. I will answer every question anyone asks me. I will answer honestly. Except for, of course, qestions like my address and phone number unless I know you in person.
I uess thats it for now, I dont know whatelse to say and you have plenty to read. The Anne Rice exerpt I leave you is very good I highly recommend her books.
Good Day and Good Night
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HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

REPOST THIS ON YOUR AUTHOR PAGE IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG!
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\Excerpt
The Vampire Armand

If I had thought my transformation into a vampire meant the end of my tutelage or apprenticeship to Marius, I was quite wrong. I wasn't immediately set free to wallow in the joys of my new powers.

The night after my metamorphosis, my education began in earnest. I was to be prepared now not for a temporal life but for eternity.

My Master gave me to know that he had been created a vampire almost fifteen hundred years ago, and that there were members of our kind all over the world. Secretive, suspicious and often miserably lonely, the wanderers of the night, as my Master called them, were often ill prepared for immortality and made nothing of their existence but a string of dreary disasters until despair consumed them and they immolated themselves through some ghastly bonfire, or by going into the light of the sun.

As for the very old, those who like my Master had managed to withstand the passage of empires and epochs, they were for the most part misanthropes, seeking for themselves cities in which they could reign supreme among mortals, driving off fledglings who attempted to share their territory, even if it meant destroying creatures of their own kind.

Venice was the undisputed territory of my Master, his hunting preserve, and his own private arena in which he could preside over the games which he had chosen as significant for him in this time of life.

"There is nothing that will not pass," he said, "except you yourself. You must listen to what I say because my lessons are first and foremost lessons in survival; the garnishes will come later on."

The primary lesson was that we slay only "the evildoer." This had once been, in the foggiest centuries of ancient time, a solemn commission to blood drinkers, and indeed there had been a dim religion surrounding us in antique pagan days in which the vampires had been worshiped as bringers of justice to those who had done wrong.

"We shall never again let such superstition surround us and the mystery of our powers. We are not infallible. We have no commission from God. We wander the Earth like the giant felines of the great jungles, and have no more claim upon those we kill than any creature that seeks to live.

"But it is an infallible principle that the slaying of the innocent will drive you mad. Believe me when I tell you that for your peace of mind you must feed on the evil, you must learn to love them in all their filth and degeneracy, and you must thrive on the visions of their evil that will inevitably fill your heart and soul during the kill.

"Kill the innocent and you will sooner or later come to guilt, and with it you will come to impotence and finally despair. You may think you are too ruthless and too cold for such. You may feel superior to human beings and excuse your predatory excesses on the ground that you do but seek the necessary blood for your own life. But it won't work in the long run.

"In the long run, you will come to know that you are more human than monster, all that is noble in you derives from your humanity, and your enhanced nature can only lead you to value humans all the more. You'll come to pity those you slay, even the most unredeemable, and you will come to love humans so desperately that there will be nights when hunger will seem far preferable to you than the blood repast."

I accepted this wholeheartedly, and quickly plunged with my Master into the dark underbelly of Venice, the wild world of taverns and vice which I had never, as the mysterious velvet-clad "apprentice" of Marius De Romanus, really seen before. Of course I knew drinking places, I knew fashionable courtesans such as our beloved Bianca, but I really didn't know the thieves and murderers of Venice, and it was on these that I fed.

Very soon, I understood what my Master meant when he said that I must develop a taste for evil and maintain it. The visions from my victims became stronger for me with every kill. I began to see brilliant colors when I killed. In fact, I could sometimes see these colors dancing around my victims before I ever even closed in. Some men seem to walk in red-tinged shadows, and others to emanate a fiery orange light. The anger of my meanest and most tenacious victims was often a brilliant yellow which blinded me, searing me, as it were, both when I first attacked and while I drank the victim dry of all blood.

I was at the onset a dreadfully violent and impulsive killer. Having been set down by Marius in a nest of assassins, I went to work with a clumsy fury, drawing out my prey from the tavern or the flophouse, cornering him on the quay and then tearing open his throat as if I were a wild dog. I drank greedily often rupturing the victim's heart. Once the heart is gone, once the man is dead, there is nothing to pump the blood into you. And so it is not so good. But my Master, for all his lofty speeches on the virtues of humans, and his adamant insistence on our own responsibilities, nevertheless taught me to kill with finesse.

"Take it slowly," he said. We walked along the narrow banks of the canals where such existed. We traveled by gondola listening with our preternatural ears for conversation that seemed meant for us. "And half the time, you needn't enter a house in order to draw out a victim. Stand outside of it, read the man's thoughts, throw him some silent bait. If you read his thoughts, it is almost a certainty that he can receive your message. You can lure without words. You can exert an irresistible pull. When he comes out to you, then take him.

"And there is never any need for him to suffer, or for blood actually to be spilt. Embrace your victim, love him if you will. Fondle him slowly and sink your teeth with caution. Then feast as slowly as you can. This way his heart will see you through.

"As for the visions, and these colors you speak of, seek to learn from them. Let the victim in his dying tell you what he can about life itself. If images of his long life trip before you, observe them, or rather savor them. Yes, savor them. Devour them slowly as you do his blood. As for the colors, let them pervade you. Let the entire experience inundate you. That is, be both active and utterly passive. Make love to your victim. And listen always for the actual moment when the heart ceases to beat. You will feel an undeniably orgiastic sensation at this moment, but it can be overlooked. _________________________________________________
I really want an AP family to make up for my not-so-good real family, I only have a sister but really want AP parents, espacially a mother, more then anything on here. If you want to join my AP family just ask me.

My AP sister is XXEmoxAnimexFaerieXx