Untouchable Blue• Show poetry

When it comes to writing, I'm obsessed. I just write when inspiration hits, most of it comes from song lyrics. I love philosophy and talking about all sorts of issues.

I want to be a psychologist because I'm really interested in how people think and feel. That's the closest I can come to seeing through someone else's eyes. I have a website I'm making at www.illustriousscribbles.bravehost.com about writing mainly.

I don't see pictures in my mind like most people do. Instead I identify things by the essence of what they are. Instead of using names I just know because of what they are. I don't know of many people that think like this, it's interesting.

I am an atheist.

I've been taking chorus at school for a few years, and I really love it. For second semester last year, I joined journalism. I had a big debate with myself about whether or not to continue, just because whenever I have to do anything for the newspaper, I get incredibly nervous. But as it ended up, I was given the position of Managing Editor (I had to pick one, there aren't many people) for all of next year.

Because of all the credits needed to graduate, I can't take chorus next year, and the after school class is at the same time as journalism. That was the main problem with taking journalism. When you sing, it's freeing. It's like you can just let everything go, and find an inner voice. But, unlike everybody else in that class, I can't find the commitment to just sing with everything I have. My voice is weak...

With writing, the same thing happens. It's an inner voice. "Some people are writers and some are talkers" -unknown
I don't fully agree with this statement, but in this situation, it makes sense. I could either stick with chorus or journalism. But even though chorus has been years, and journalism a few months, I have a greater loyalty to the teacher and the students in journalism. So, I was thinking about it, and I chose journalism.

Even though I barely spoke, I felt a sort of welcome feeling in journalism, that just wasn't there with chorus. I never really fit in among that group. There were a few girls I'd talk to this year, one of them was, ironically, the editor of the paper who graduated.

I think that I have a better chance of developing my own voice with journalism, rather than with singing. I also think that, if I'm ever going to get a chance to feel comfortable talking to other people, journalism is the real chance I have to do it.

That's why I'm not going to take chorus again, even if I get the chance. Because for me, journalism is hope. And even though it makes me nervous, I think that's just a sign that that's where I should be right now.

Except now... this school year is so hard. I'm attempting to do far too many classes. I'm very stressed, and it's making me ill. And because of this, I've realized I don't ever want to do as much work as I'm doing right now. As a result, I'm re-thinking what I want out of my life. It's very difficult for me right now... I don't know how to handle this kind of thing. I'm only six or so weeks in; I'm not sure I can handle a whole year like this.

But I did, and I came out better for it. Now I'm nearly halfway through my junior year. I feel like I've been losing creativity because of school, but at the same time, I've learned some really valuable life lessons. I am now Co-Editor-in-Chief of the school paper, and I'm also the production manager. When I chose to continue with Journalism, and it seems so long ago now, I never foresaw this. Not only that, but I've become, if not skilled, then at least fairly competent with laying out the newspaper. I'm even considering pursuing design as a profession. It's amazing to me, looking at what I've written here in the past, that that one decision led to so much change, that it shaped me so much.

I'm glad I did it, I really am. I still don't love Journalism, but I care about our school paper, and I have grown as a result of my choices.

I'm a senior now, and full of nurturing feeling towards my underclassmen and possible successors in Journalism. I'm really excited to go to college, but plagued by fears as well. I've been accepted into one college so far - Westminster College in Salt Lake City. It's a little random, and I'm not sure if I'm going there yet, but it's good to know I'm going somewhere. I want to major in communications.

I want to continue developing my layout, writing, and, well, communications skills in order to become a more productive person. First, I want to get a taste of the professional world, continue my personal development for a while. Then, I hope to get involved in helping kids develop their voices and make themselves heard. Maybe I can help start a leadership program that doesn't only center on academically successful kids. Who knows?