StrangerInThisPlace• Show poetry

Hi there,
I may not the greatest poet around,
I may not even be classified as any good
but all the poems that i do write are just an expression of the real and true me- the me i would like to be
They are from my heart and real experiences.
thanks and hopefully you will be able to understand me

... some back ground info that if you don't need to know but ill tell you anyways...
I am originally from South Africa. I loved life there and was truly happy .
In primary school life was horrible.. I hated myself and everyone around me. People treated me like shit and i was a loner. I had no friends, No life, no anything.but when I got to high school everything changed as i moved schools. MY family decided to take me out and put me in a Jewish School named King David High school Linksfield.... at first i still felt lost and alone.
Then I met them. my friends. The most amazing people in the world to me They were (and are) my saviors, my everything- Dani, Gabi, Myra, Yarin, Stacy, Brynie, Rachelle,Ryan, Jade and Camilla. they made my life worth living. they changed me and i started to realize all i have to do is be myself. For once i was truly happy and felt accepted for the real me. My school also gave me a new found sens of belonging, i was with people with same religion and beliefs as me it was unbelievable...
Since I was 2 years old i had two best friends, Jody and Morganna. We were never at the same school and this was horrible, It drew us apart slightly. But they were like the sisters i never had. ever since i can remember they were there. I love them! the only thing was they started to have problems that i could not solve. Morganna has always been an attention seeker and has been spoilt rotten whilst Jody remains the daughter with problems. she has a few remedial problems and struggles at times, this was hard on all. she was always slightly big but it made no diff she was an amazing person.
latter on Jody decided she was going to become i vegetarian, i was happy as i also wanted to but could never as I am anemic(low in iron). Jody then used this as an excuse to become Anorexic. she would not eat for days apon days and when she did it would be a carrot and a few cups of coffee. she was in and out of hospital. Morgs was sadly jealous about all the attention Jo was getting and started cutting and harming herself. Their Parents now stopped worrying about Jody and she continued not to eat. she became depressed and i was the only person she told any of this too.I tried to take her to get help, she refused. this saddened me. she one day nearly ended her life and i feel as if i am to blame as i am no longer there to help her.
on the 21st of July this year I immigrated toy Australia.
This came as a shock to me and everyone i loved when i found out four months before that that i was leaving South Africa.I became suicidal at the thought that i was going to leave every thing and one that i had worked so hard to obtain. i hated the thought of it.. it was a long and grueling process, leaving EVERYTHING!!!!!
I am happy here now although i was not at first ,I moved up a grade comming to aus and was so stressed about it. we struggled to find a house but have one now... I found a job  although i wish i could say the same for my parents. I have settled in at school and slowly and surely are making those one of a kind special friends.I love the people here.. my new friends Katie, Penny, Bea, Kara, Hannah, Sonja and everyone.. and i am slowly learning to let them in excpecialy a few who i trust. It is just so diff here... IT SAFE!! IT IS FREE!!! .. i am able to catch a bus,I am able to walk some were i am able to I've without constant fear of what could happen to me. I am happy i just miss everyone... and sometimes it does get bad.. but i keep it all in.. were nobody knows about it... were nobody except me knows the pain i am going through, I just put on a smiley face.. and pretend..... pretend for a while not to be me....
BUT I TRULY AM HAPPY!


Here is just a whole heap of thoughts that often run through my head.. i guess its just my Rant about life, people and stuff...
I am sick of people thinking they are better then the rest!!! You do not get any where in life if you think it was made just for you... we all have to compromise and make choices... So just let it all go ..we are the same at the end regardless of what we have or look like or the way in which we behave (maybe not so true in some cases) but we should not live our lives only for ourselves, think about others and think about the journey that comes and the mark you will make in this world regardless of the size, just think about the kind you want to make. Is it a good one or are you just wasting the golden opportunities that could be knocking on your door... I do not want to waste the rest of my life worrying about what others think of me... I am happy with myself and will not change for anyone!
This rant is so hippo critical in many ways but so true in most!
...I have lived life worrying what people think of me.. hating life hating myself. I disliked everyone around me cuz i could never understand y they treated me the way they did (with disdain, disgrace, teasing me, making me hate my own pathetic existence) this was not living this was just wasting,.. everything, me, the opportunities , my life!
i have realized you cant please others you just got to be you and love those who like you for you!

I often wonder what the purpose of life is I mean after all is said and done I believe most of your life is spent making people unhappy.. and then you die.. and make people even more unhappy. Whats the point?.... We as humans are destroying the planet we live in and we are destroying each other piece by piece in the most inhumane ways... WHY!!!!! If we don't cherish life.. then why do we deserve it??? huh could any one answer me that??????? exactly... only one person could answer me that.. That is the creator of all.. the "Thing" my life is all about... G-d!
Another question left unanswered there are so many conflicting theories as to how life came about... oh so many religious and scientific views both with huge chunks missing form them... what to believe, what to follow? I guess you just got pick one and stick with it... and that is what i have done i am a strong devoted Jew and that controls every factor in my life and i love my religion but there are so many things i do not understand .. but I guess its just a case of belief or not.... GARRR... then you get those people who hate on those who have a diff view/belief then you.... WTF! WHY??? that to me is the most pathetic and appalling action a person can do.. WHY ARE WE RACIST? WHY ARE WE JUDGMENTAL OF OTHER RELIGIONS? WHY CAN WE ACCEPT ONE ANOTHER?... WHY???????
yes you and i may have complete diff beliefs and i mite find yours slightly strange but i will not go and disrespect yours and run it down.. no we can both practice our faith on our own accords, I am not affecting you and you are not affecting me......So then why are people doing such terrible things because they are not the same?... Why are people killing and harming others because they have religious views and are diff on the outside?...WHY????? IT MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!!!!

People stop judging each other we could live in piece... then i would be able to comprehend the meaning of life....Its just not worth it! We are so alike and yet we do not take the time to get to know each other just because we are scared of what people mite be thinking....Who cares! Just stop caring about those stuck up **** .... and just start living!
its time to let down your guard and just be yourself!!!!!!
Cuz i most certainly have stopped caring.......
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." is something we should all remember and live by..."when one door closes another door opens, just be careful not to stand to long looking at the closed door "... or you mite just let that golden opportunity slip by..."do unto others as what you would want them to do unto you"
its time to seize life!!!! CARPE DIAM!
I am over wasting.......(everything)
and tough if you do not like what i have just said....
its your

and you are entitled to it....