RainUponMe• Show poetry

Feeling dead has it's advantages. but when i come back to life, everything crashes back down on me. I'm trying to see that im beautiful because thats what my boyfriend, montana says. But he is also dating my best friend so what would he know. i know he cares about me, and truely loves me, i just wish i could be the only one he loved. and im too pathetic and in love with him. i never understood why people caused themselves suffers for people who like to see them suffer, until now. It's amazing that i will do absoulty anything for him, but he cant dump his other girlfriend. everyone tells me to take him out of my life, but i cant. i know how it feels to just be taken out of people's life and i wouldnt, couldnt see how anyone would want to cause people that. i cry, hurt, suffer, over people's hurt and they could have been people i have never met in my life. i cant watch the news without yelling at them, because of how all the people are dying and all they can do is broadcast it like its pleasurable. i care about everyone. no age, religion, color, coujld stop that. and i get hurt everyday. just everyday people hurt me and i still just let them take hits at me. and still there for them. im trying to stop it but i just cant. im a peaceful person. i am switzerland. but now..i just feel dead. i trust anyone that knows my name. trust them with all my heart. i do cut myself. i used to do my whole arm but now i do my leg. i have tried the butterfly epcot. please if anyone has any other ways to help me stop...im listening. and if anyone has problems or just needs someone to talk to..im here. i am thirteen years old but i will try my best. my parents are divource, i loose friends everyday. im the type of girl who likes to play around rolling on the floor laughing with my boyfriend, but still want someone who will hold me tight when i cry. i cry everynight. i used to do it because of my whole life..but now i cry because i cry. i just cant believe this is all happening. it all feels so unreal. but it is real. right now i feel dead. numb. but i know that as soon as something happens it will all hit me again. i do help people..but people..help me?
I do hate my name. it reminds me that i am the pathetic worthless person. and everytime someone calls me by my name then i am just reminded all over. this is probably like a diary to me so i will keep this undated. love you all..i really do.