Now it seems that Mr. Ramsbottom
With ‘is penchant for life on the ease
Stayed up mos’ of the night,
contortin’ with might
Till ‘is plan were as slick as ‘e pleased
At breakfast ‘e drew ‘is wife to ‘im
To share all the visions ‘e’d ‘ad
“We’ll ‘op down the road,
movin’ much like a toad,
Findin’ creatures to eat up our lad.”
They started down south in Dunkerney
Where Albert found ‘imself in some gullet
Of a tiger named Stripes
lickin’ lips sayin’ “Cripes,
‘e sure tastes a lot like bad mullet.”
Next they jumped west to Valplinkin
‘and waved as they watched their son go
Down the throat of a mule,
thou much as a rule
‘e’d prefer’d to ‘ave oats, don’t ya know.
As they queried the animal kingdom
Their wedge grew all fat, big and wide
“Got any kin
for our kid to fit in ?“
Most didn’t - although they all tried”
Young Albert be sproutin’ like bean poles
And growin’ more skinless than thin
Tho’ Ma pushed, tugged and shoved
with the utmos’ of love
Poor Albert twere definney duffed in.
“Tis time that we jump to Kerala”
Said Ma to ‘er mouldy gombeen
“To find one gray hide
‘at don’t take so much pried
For I be fearin’ I’ll rupture ‘is spleen.”
So Pa shared some feni and cuzzer
With a mahout in ‘is kushty mahut.
As Pa bragged of the riches
twere kept in ‘is britches
Ma prayed for his mouth to lock shut.
Now the elephant listened with interest
While Albert inside ‘im still sweats.
Their plans ‘eaded south,
‘cus Pa shot off ‘is mouth,
But an elephant ne'er forgets.
Author notes
An attempt at a sequel to Marriott Edgars' Albert Ramsbottom series... in which Albert gets gobbled up by a lion while the family collects the insurance. Mine's but a flimsy substitute for the real thing though...
www.oldpoetry.com\poetry\14021
Of course, I had to read through every one.
I'd love some help with the vernacular.
Written January 18th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Fun with Albert by Old Poetry.
300 points, ended January 31, 2004, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Robin -
Oh please help this poor American buffoon! I've been hoping someone would come along to help me.
Jane -
Pretty good love, but you haven't quite got the colloquialisms, and the format is not the same - not that it matters much, but I do think this could be greatly improved.
Luv,
Robin. -
Definitely a galliant attempt and it looks like a lot of effort has gone into it. Best wishes, Del.
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These are fun aren't they! Poor Albert though!...and poor elephant if it comes to that! Bet he's got terrible indigestion now!
Great poem! Enjoyed it a lot!
bec x -
howz about a hippopotumus, Nando T? I'm just so sure I'm gonna be seein' your entry crammed in here soon. You wouldn't disappoint me, now would you?
Jane -
Packin' progeny in pachyderms? Preposterous! An elyphant's innards is no proper place for a Ramsbottom!
Disposin' of chillun' down the 'atch of nasty beasties? I believe that's agin ord'nance in mos' parts... -
Hey well done! You got the language and the bizarre idea,
Good Luck!
Kyla -
Way to go using creative dialogue!
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Seroiusly cute... I think it keeps in the spirit well.
-
excellent
This contest seems to be bringing out the best. This is a wonderful entry, enjoyed reading very much. Had me giggling from beginning to end.
Once again great contest and good luck to you.
Desiree
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LOL I loved this entry. I know nothing about the vernacular of any region other than the southern US, but after reading thru some of the Ramsbottoms writes lately.. I'd say it's wonderful. I have to admit the "bad mullet" had me laughing from the start. Great job, and best of luck in the contest.
GypsyD -
Thank you for entering this delightful Story of the Ramsbottoms -the vernacular is good.
“Got any kin for our kid to fit in ?“
Most didn’t - although they all tried”
this just cracked me up - it's hilarious.
Good Luck
Von
-
excellent
Sounds like a reet gud auld Lancashire accent to me this one. Being from the North East UK, Lancashire is just down the road and this reads well indeed. Sounds like it could be and that’s North East enough.
I can read this well, and do the voice too, sincerely. Quite humorous too, The kids would love this one read out with full expression and emphasis for sure.
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Well Lass yer done it gud.
Better met'inks than I wud.
T'aint fer me tho this olde stuffe.
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I think you did quite well with this, and had no trouble following it. Having read a couple of Marriot's works I think you likely caught the 'feel' to a T.
Good luck.
~~whims -
Thanks, kind Hugh, but I twere just sher yewed be the one to help me with my vernacular.
Better yet, howz about you enter a piece of your own?
Jane -
Brilliant
Dear Jane,
I think you did brilliant with the vernacular! In fact so well that I had to read some bits twice (ev'n three times) 'fore I could unnerstan' wot yew was gettin' at. This write (and contest) is worthy and well-suited to your ready wit and fertile imagination. Best of luck in this contest - you will be a winner, I'm sure.
Love and hugs XXX Hugh. -
Wonderful
That was really great - I enjoyed the lines :
Of a tiger named Stripes lickin’ lips sayin’ “Cripes,
‘e sure tastes a lot like bad mullet.”
Good Luck . . the other Albert
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This is a very good continuation to Albert and the lion. You've used the northern English dialet well to keep with the style. I stumbled a little on these two line:-
So Pa shared some feni and cuzzer
With a mahout in ‘is kushty mahut.
But other than those. I did enjoy the tale, leaving the ending open I thought was good.
Good luck with the contest.
Andrew
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