dark lonesome soul mate
a friend's love lost forever
cold september rain
soaking me
a smile no more
solace not found
a heart that bleeds
my weary heart aches
but cannot be consoled
from wounds unattended
I grow tired of solitude
darkness falls and still
the rain continues
like the tears
that I cry
for you
my love
my friend
my soulmate
Author notes
Based on afireflys7souls
ä friend no more part ll)
The urn
Written October 27th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I like your images. Did you mean to make it that shape? It works well with the theme.
7 points -
that is soo awesome
i loved the shape~ it's like a vase to catch the tears.
nice write.
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Very nice, flowed really well. The layout seemed to flow gorgouesly, making it seem like a dream. the last bits of the poem were very powerful.A lovely way to wrap up this deep and beauitful poem. Very well done. Thanky ou for entering, well done and good luck
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Very good poem. Well written.. could have done with some full stops along the way, but that's just my opinion.
'cold september rain
soaking me
a smile no more'
Very unique poem.. and every line interesting to read. Keep writing.
Thanks for entering.
skitza
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I really like this! You did a good job! Best wishes in my contest! I appreciate your entry. I applaud you for it!
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The piece was written by afireflys7souls. I saw a vague shape in the poem and asked permission to rewrite to tighten this feminine vase form. She likes the poem's rebirth...
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:)
I say! A beautifully crafted poem with emotions that move the heart.. Brilliant write. To tell you the truth, when I first saw that 'friends' didn't have an apostrophe, I did get a bit pissed off that people are not reading the rules, but looking back at it after reading the whole poem, I realized in this context, it's better left unattended. The flow is uninterrupted then, like the tears of the persona... Great job.. Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
by the way, might I ask what the unfinished title is about? That is, what you put or were trying to put in the brackets... "(A varation on: " ??
~>CrystalPhoenix<~
Edited on Feb 05, 6:26 because 'Q'. -
Well penned urn you have created from the words here. Such sad thoughts shared in this poem.
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Yes this is truly beautiful, and I like the subject all brilliantly done, thanks for drawing my attention to it, I am now off to check your Barren!
Love and light,
Lencio -
This was well written, with nicely chosen words - it described clearly the loss you felt, and there was pain / raw emotion in the background ... Flowed very well - nice job and thanks for sharing with us
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love it
I like wat you have done here..
srry to have taken so long in lookin at it. The shape is very sensual, feminine..to me it seems to soften the shape and pull you into the pain of the words, by drawing your attention to the shape.TY
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Thank you. I am happy to have helped even in such a small way.. x chilli/debs
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You helped me find the title! I see it as the death of a close friend, the urn of the ashes.
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This is a rewrite of afireflys7souls work. I noticed the shape, commented on and with permission adjusted it to the vase feminine form which holds water and receives gifs of flowers, like the soul of a woman. You are not going bonkers, seeing things. I want you to see these things!
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Like a bereavement. Powerful and touching. This also looks good on the page - it is like an urn - I mean the shape the words make - I know, I'm probably losing my mind!
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