Companions, I have them no more;
devoured by the endless flood of sand,
their corpse arrive lifeless in my enemy’s shore
inert, deaf to my ultimate command…
If a bard still lasted, by the arrows spared;
one such as Hesiod, Homer or Ovid;
my name would be remembered, even celebrated,
But no; my name and my tale will never be read…
My foe grimly intended, and his bow he fired
(or it was a spear ? a sword ? Poison ?)
and my bard was struck and his voice silenced,
and Now, I face shrouding the horizon, the Oblivion!
They shall call me The Lonely Spear,
facing undaunted a thousand and one warriors;
They will drink my blood while still running with no fear,
with one hand crushing me and another praising my valor.
But finally, I will be nobody, just like Odysseus,
and with cleverness I shall strike my vengeance:
while I fall prey to relentless blows;
stealing in every tale the Hero’ semblance.
Author notes
Written September 23rd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Cry Of The Fallen (Notes on Winners) by ApostleOfDeath.
500 points, ended September 29, 2005, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Congrats on winning sylver in this contest. This is a really good poem. I liked it. Continue the good work.
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Impressive.
"If a bard still lasted, by the arrows spared;
one such as Hesiod, Homer or Ovid;
my name would be remembered, even celebrated,
But no; my name and my tale will never be read…"
This verse illustrates beautifully the loneliness of a hero, the nameless one who will not be remembered but without whom all would be lost. Very well done. -
this is very cool
a very nice write
i really liked this piece and i enjoyed reading it very much
good job
excellent rhyming/flow
keep on writing
Nooni -
Thanks. It is not a bad idea, Let's shall see the muses what they think
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hooah!
very nice poem of valor and death. the handful of heroes we know by name is insignificant compared with the multitudes who have fallen, as you say, into Oblivion. there are so many themes that parallel this that are worth investigating. have you considered the plight of the non-hero who would have been a hero had he perished but instead lives, defeated and shamed? i think you would be able to do a decent job with something like that. (and in response to your bio, i think your english is better than many folks' on this site.) keep it up! -
^_^ Thank you, Sue.
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I LOVE IT-AWESOME
“WOW” YOU NEED TO WRITE BOOKS YOU WILL SELL EACH AND EVERYONE, IF YOU DO THIS IS AWESOME, WHAT CAN I SAY THAT HAS NOT BEEN SAID, THIS IS SO GOOD I JUST LOVE IT.
PLEASE KEEP WRITING
KISSES; SUE
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Superb Tribute to a hero in this poem. You did a wonderful job crafting this one with care.
"But finally, I will be nobody, just like Odysseus,
and with cleverness I shall strike my vengeance:
while I fall prey to relentless blows;
stealing in every tale the Hero’ semblance. " -
No it was not, but I trust we are going to meet again
Yes, I noticed you prefer the free verse (maybe that is why I saw something Whitman in your poem), I have some preference for romantic poetry and Also, I like a bit how the english idiom flows that easily so the rhyming appears. In this case added by the idea to write something epic-wise.
I understand the critic about the parenthesis, I will think about. Thank you
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very very good!
i don't recall if this is the poem which you had previously featured Joao, but here I am as promised.
You've written this poem very well. It has very good tone and the rhyme did not in the least seem forced or constricted. I normally write to free form, so I know that writing this poem in rhyme took the extra care. The tone of your voice as narrator of in this poem is also very good. You had your reader involved from the very first line. It came off as very natural and even. Not a news report, but a "real" eye witness account of which you have drawn a picture for your readers very well.
All in all, I would say this is probably one of the better "war" type poems I have read. Only crit I might make is as to the (parenthesis) S3/L2. I myself would keep the line and lose the (parenthesis). I was once told that anything contained within brackets is either 1. not necessary and/or 2. something which the writer believes the reader cannot gather up on their own and requires further explanation. Neither of these are the case for this line and the (parenthesis) are just distracting to the overall meter of the poem. I would lose them myself.
I hope to read more of you Joao...and I will! Take good care and talk soon!
Jo -
A most pleasant and welcome surprise, thank you both.
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Congratulations on the Silver, Joao. This was a great write, really, and I hope you find opportunities to enter it in future contests. Well done! Good luck to you and your muse.
abernaith -
2nd Place
You know what captured me first in your poem? It was the line "one such as Hesiod, Homer or Ovid". You made somewhat of a frantic hero, one who rushes in battle alone, knowing that he had lost all his comrades and that doom is approaching. That is where his heroism shows- he does not feel the need to run, he feels the need to be remembered and uses this desperate
situation to his advantage- he knows that he will die, but that death will immortalize him in the hearts of those who remember his act of bravery. I would like to underline the fact that you chose the name of the poem very appropriately - your hero is the lord of shadows, since his companions are all dead and he must face the final battle alone, against "a thousand and one warriors". This line clearly describes his hopeless situation, but his spirit and will cannot be defeated by mere weapons, because he will survive in every hero out there, who is not afraid to face his "thousand and one" enemies alone.
A masterpiece, Joao. Thank you sincerely for entering my contest! A Silver Reward for you and best of luck in future contests. You have a great imagination and a certain "epic" style.Use them wisely!
-=Apostle Of Death=-
This is a superb tale of the uncelebrated hero. The persona here strikes me as both noble and brave, at the same time both mortal and frail–hanging on to his wit’s end at a time of desperation. This is a portrayal of a very human hero-fighting for life with every strength and spirit he could muster, but yet with traces of human pettiness, vindictiveness, a closet desire for recognition among peers hidden in a veil of subtle, bitter sarcasm, manifesting itself in the very end. Deprived of a voice in history, he does his best to fulfill his duty with great valor and dignity, and dies unknown and unremembered, a veritable lord of might reduced to the shadowy ranks of the forgotten.
-=abernaith=- -
I like this poem, you've written an epic
I like the imagery here, and the vividness of your descriptions. Very nicely done, and very intreguing.
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Visual images
Plus fanboyism for Ovid and few others
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Thank you and no problem abernaith. I am a bit absent minded
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Awsome poem,Wow visual images.And you are always worried about your name not being remembered.Great job.
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Excuse me, just stopping by to point out a grammar technicality:
"while I fall prey [of] relentless blows" Shouldn't it be "to"???
Good luck in the contest!
Adding your comment:
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