When angels leave the colors fall away
from skies of amber haze, from fields of gold.
The mountain peaks of coral fade to gray
and hills of sage are veiled in shadows, cold.
When laughter stills the music is no more;
the melodies of nature do not flow
with breezes through the meadows as before
in notes that charmed the columbine to grow.
When innocence is silenced willows weep
and rivers rush with tears, Creation grieves.
Delight is lost, despair and darkness sweep
o'er every dream and hope; when children leave.
The stars don't dance, nor do the fairies play.
All joy is hushed when angels go away.
Author notes
Written August 19th, 2005
A contest entry
- Sonnets and Haikus by seriea89.
300 points, ended August 21, 2005, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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In response to Jim, I don't think I know anyone who could do a better job.
Geesh, where do I begin? The imagery... I think that imagery, just as much as form, draws me to your writings. We're both influenced by Emily D... what should I expect, right? Your ideas and the way you convey them are astounding. That first stanza is priceless. Pure gold.
I see that you wrote this back in August. I must have missed it somehow... I may not comment on all of your work (in fear of seeming too redundant) but I read nearly all of it, and I'm hardly ever disatisfied.
I think that the only suggestion I could make is on the first line of your couplet. For some reason, "don't" seems to clash with the formal mood of the poem. I don't think it's because it's a contraction, it's just the abruptness of that particular word. Of course, it's probably just preference.
Another jem.
- Corey -
good job
Lovely poem. I can't say that I particularly like that o'er, but otherwise, this is a great write. You have a way with sonnets, it seems. -
Dear Mary,
This is a really well thought and beautifully crafted sonnet expressing the sense of loss when children leave us. Even the beauties of nature are dimmed and everything is overcast with sadness which you have articulated with poignant imagery.
I am 'taking a break' from writing sonnets and ballads to enjoy some of the other forms but seem to have run, instead, into a temporary 'block'.
Good luck in the contest, applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh. -
The concept of angels, in this case, is a metaphor for children.
Thank you for your kind comments. -
Dont necessarily agree with the concept of angels, but hell, this write is nearrr perfect. Wowee, Im pretty much speechless. Very beautifully written! I cant find anything wrong with it at all! Nicely written and good luck in the contest!
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Once again, a beautiful work of art! I especially loved the third quatrain, children are so vital to human existance. They carry on our dreams, and give us hope for our own future as well as the future of the world. They truly are our angels. The entire piece had me in raptures. Great job here! God bless and keep writing.
~Stefani~ -
excellent
I will have to come back on my home computer to add this to the must read poems I have listed on my homepage.
Wonderful
John -
Mary, this shows your accustomed facility with the sonnet. The meter is perfect as ever, and you pull at my heart with the imagery of loss. "When innocence is silenced" is a painful thought. Beautiful work again.
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Bravo
This sonnet is quite excellent, in fact, flawless. I have a suspicion that this is not the first one that you have written. Again, a superb sonnet. -
This is a great write!!!!!!!!!!!!I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Britt~
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